


PowerPlay I

by BlueberryMonarch



Series: PowerPlay [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Comfort/Angst, Crimes & Criminals, Drug Use, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Smut, Homophobia, Kinks, M/M, Malec, Malex, Minor Character Death, Murder, Organized Crime, Submission
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-16 13:53:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 84,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9274850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueberryMonarch/pseuds/BlueberryMonarch
Summary: MAIN PAIRING:MalecThe Lightwood family is a 'firm/gang' family in several cities. After Alec is released from prison, he has to take charge of the New York based organisation (which is in territory war with the Morgenstern)Magnus works independently with the distribution of several illegal substances and hates the Lightwood family with a passion.Magnus is given a chance to do something about his hate just as Alec comes into town, but will he want to then?Sadly not beta-read.





	1. Welcome Home

**Author's Note:**

> **Characters in this chapter that are mentioned by their nickname and who they are:**  
>  Angel = Alec  
> The Warlock = Magnus  
> The Widow = Maryse  
> Chains = Robert  
> Ice = Raphael  
> Bones = Valentine
> 
>  **Explaining:**  
>  MPV = Magnus' Point of View  
> APV = Alec's Point of View  
> —— = Time jump  
> 
> 
>   
>    
>    
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter updated (27.10.17) & beta read by [Shadow➰Mystic](https://twitter.com/ShadowOfMystic)

**MPV**

Magnus leant back in his deep leather chair, annoyingly drumming his fingers against the armrest as he looked over at the policeman sitting across from him. Alaric being a police officer had actually been a surprise, which was part of the reason he was so annoyed right now.

“I don’t sell drugs, I manufacture feelings” he said as a matter of fact, eyes locked with the policeman’s.

The policeman seemed to be just as annoyed as he was, however he wasn't as good at hiding it. Good thing Alaric had been better at hiding his true feelings before he dropped his cover, or he would’ve been killed a long time ago. “It’s competition either way, don’t tell me that you get along with the Lightwoods?”

Magnus clenched his teeth together, the mere sound of the Lightwood’s name was enough for him to want to projectile vomit all over the policeman. Chain had died almost five years ago now, good riddance to be honest. The Widow had been absent for a long time, having the ‘offices’ in New York ran by someone else. “No matter my feelings for.. or against the Lightwoods, they are not in town and haven’t been for years and I know nothing of their operations”. Magnus did know of course, he knew exactly what they did and what they ran, but he hated the Lightwoods, not whoever was working for them.

The policeman leaned forward and smiled, the type that would make you shiver slightly if you weren’t used to this life. “I have heard that they are moving back into town” His lips were curling up in the corners in an almost clown like style. “The siblings are taking over”

Magnus wanted to growl in frustration, but hid his feelings and instead cursed under his breath as he lifted his drink and took a small sip. He had never been a violent man, but he was sure he could probably look a Lightwood in the eyes and choke them to death, go home and sleep like a baby. “I heard that they were in prison” With the glass between his fingers, he moved his hand so the little green olive in his martini rolled around halfway up the glass in a circle.

“The oldest one was, goes by the name ‘The Angel’, he just got out” The policeman leaned back a little, but not quite enough for it to look like he was relaxed. “I think Maryse wants him to take over after her, she’s giving him New York to see how it goes” That smiled was back again, Magnus tried to ignore it “This is the perfect time to get close to them, get on the inside and take them down, we might never get a chance like this again” He seemed too eager to get this done “We have made it possible for you to move in, you just have to take the chance”

Magnus wanted to smile at this, the guy was showing his cards way too early. “I don’t understand what you are talking about, made it possible? Made what possible?” Magnus knew of course what he was talking about, but he wasn’t about to incriminate himself.

“The Lightwood’s suppliers have been cut off, they need someone like you”

Slowly lifting his drink, Magnus took another sip and shrugged slightly. “So if I understand you correctly, the Lightwood family needs something that you think that I am capable of providing. And I am not saying I can provide what you think I can, but say hypothetically that I could.. Why would I get in between the Lightwoods and Morgensterns?” It felt like a waste of time to deny what he could do and what he did, but not making the effort to skirt the truth could cost him.

“If you could provide the Lightwoods with what they needed, then your parts of this city would double in size, from 1/3 to 2/3 and also, you would get the satisfaction of shutting down the family in New York and possibly put two of Maryse’s children behind bars” The policeman was really trying to sell him this, it was clear that this was most likely the police’s best chance as he had mentioned earlier. “As a little bonus, we’ll get off your guy’s backs and if you get the information we need.. You'll never have to testify”.

Magnus sat his glass down and glared at him “I don’t testify.. We are done here” He said and stood up, he was sure the policeman would take it back, but he needed to play hard to get to be able to keep all the perks of this deal.

“Magnus” Alaric stood up, he looked much less calm now than he had done a few minutes ago “Of course, you don’t testify”

“And none of my guys” Magnus added, pausing to look at the man, giving him a few seconds to gather his thoughts. “Actually, none of my guys will be in the loop on this unless I inform them of it!” It wasn’t a question.

“No one knows” Alaric said and lifted his hands up, making it seem like Magnus had him at gunpoint or something.

Magnus nodded and walked towards the door, hearing the sound of the policeman’s shoes behind him meaning he was following. “I still have no idea what you are talking about of course, but I am sure that if someone were to come by and offer me a job that I am qualified to do, I would not be hard to ask” he said opening the door leading out into the hall outside of his flat, turning to look at the policeman as he exited his apartment. “You are not welcome here anymore, but you could always buy me a phone if you miss me” he watched the policeman nod slowly before he slammed the door shut between them and turned around into his apartment again.

Magnus headed into the kitchen and while opening the fridge, fished his phone out of his pocket and went into his favourites finding Raphael’s number under ‘Ice’. The phone rang a few times as he found the bottle of Jägermeister and closed the fridge door again.

He heard the familiar tone of a slightly annoyed Raphael on the other end, greeting him in a less than friendly way.

“Get your ass over here” Magnus said pressing the phone between his shoulder and head as he opened the bottle and poured himself a generous shot.

Raphael huffed on the other end of the phone. “I am a little busy” he replied, it was impossible to know whether he was actually annoyed or if he was being his jolly self as Raphael always sounded annoyed.

“It’s important, whoever can wait. We’re taking on the wankers” Magnus said and waited until he got an ok before he hung up and took the shot, making a face and then poured himself a new one.   

**APV**

Alec grunted and rolled over in his bed. The slight gap between his heavy curtains let just enough light in for him to curse the sun itself, he tried to escape it by pressing his face into the soft pillows. His back was aching, his head felt like it was about to explode and a heavy drumming against his temples made him feel both dizzy and nauseous at the same time.

There were two rapid knocks on his door before it swung open, making the knocking seem pretty pointless, but he heard the familiar sound of Izzy’s high heels against the floor so he decided to stay still, every movement making him regret the life choices he made the night before.

“Alec.. you need to get out of bed” He could hear Izzy say, every tone sounding like thunder in his head, making him whimper in self pity.

“Don’t talk so loud” Alec mumbled into the pillow, keeping his eyes clenched tightly shut to ensure not a single bit of light got through. He could hear Izzy huff and walk around, the sound of her heels echoing in the room and his head.

“I am leaving some painkillers and water here” Izzy’s voice sounded softer, like she was at least trying to cause him as little pain as possible. “You need to get up, take a shower and get dressed.. Mum has set up a meeting with Bane today, we have to sort this out for her or it’s going to be hell”

“Bane?” Alec mumbled again, trying to ignore the taste of sick in his mouth, hoping he wouldn’t throw up.

Izzy let out a sigh “He is known as the Warlock, you must have heard of him” Izzy was further away now, probably in his closet, which she had been the one to stock up since Alec had grown out of everything he owned before he went to prison. “Our guys have been shut down and we need to act before Banes pull into our territories”

Alec groaned and rolled over onto his back, trying to open his eyes, they felt like they were glued shut and when he did manage to open them a little he quickly regretted it. “Fuck Valentine”

“Indeed..Fuck Valentine” Izzy said as she dropped some clothes down on one of the chairs by the bathroom door and crossed her arms as she looked over at him. “So get your ass up and out of bed, I’m heading out and I’m taking Clary with me, I need something new to wear”

Alec didn’t protest, he might have been locked away for five years, but he was fully aware of his sister’s need for shopping, what he was unsure of was if he had ever seen her wear the same thing twice. Turning over onto his side, Alec reached out and grabbed the painkillers and glass of water that Izzy had brought for him, swallowing them back with a big gulp of water.

“At eight, we meet at the little place down by the docks, neutral grounds and all” Izzy was walking away from him now, heading out “get up now though, because you need to bring your charming self, we need to make this happen”.

Alec grunted as a reply and closed his eyes again. He swore he would never drink again, knowing that wouldn’t last for more than a few days, but it felt good for the time being to think so.

——

Two hours had passed when Alec was out of bed, showered and dressed. The painkillers had helped a lot, but he still felt a dull ache in the back of his head, threatening to spread if he did something too sudden. It was still four hours until they were supposed to meet up, but he had needed something to eat and drink before this meeting, he also needed to read up on what had been going on with the New York ‘firm’ the last few months.

Looking down at his plate and his phone next to it, scrolling through some emails, he was slowly drinking his beer.

“Isn’t it a bit early for alcohol?” A soft voice came from above him and Alec took a deep breath, not really in the mood to have this conversation with whoever it was.

Looking up, Alec was ready to tell whoever to fuck right off but paused when he saw the man. He was, you might say, untraditional looking. He was without a doubt overdressed for this place with tight dark trousers, a black shirt buttoned down almost to his bellybutton and a maroon coloured suit jacket with some kind of flowery pattern in a slightly deeper colour on it. The man was also wearing more jewellery than Alec thought Izzy might own all together as well as make-up. His eyes were something special as well, they had a strange green almost yellow shine to them, more cat like than human and Alec wondered if he was wearing contact lenses or something.

“Lost for words?” The man spoke again and Alec realised that he hadn’t actually answered the question, instead having spent probably a good minute just looking the man over. The man wasn’t wrong though, he was a little lost for words. Clearing his thoughts, Alec shook his head and tried to snap out of it by having another sip of his beer. “Repairing”  He said, his voice sounding like he lived off whiskey and cigarettes.

“I hear that works” The man smiled and without asking sat down on the couch opposite Alec. He was gorgeous Alec thought and he also probably knew it, because no one carried themselves like that unless they knew.

“It does” Alec nodded and clicked the little button on the side of his phone to make the screen go black. The man was a stunner, but you could never be to safe, there was information on his phone that no one outside the ‘firm’ was supposed to see.

The man was leaning back, looking comfortable and confident. “So, what is a beautiful guy like you doing in a dump like this?” He had a warm smile that excused his cheesy pick-up line and Alec could feel himself actually blushing.

“Does that line ever work?” Alec replied and smiled against the rim of his bottle as he had another swing of his beer.

The man still smiled and gave a soft shrug “Is it working now?”

Alec almost wanted to nod, because of course it was cheesy and stupid, but it was actually also working. Instead he put his beer down and tried to hold back a wide grin “maybe.. a little”

“Good” the man had their gaze locked together and Alec found himself feeling slightly giddy. “So, do you have a name or should I just continue to refer to you as ‘beautiful’?”

Alec knew he shouldn’t, he knew that it wasn’t good for his reputation or his family to actually do this, but there was something about this guy. “I wouldn’t mind.. but you can call me by my name, Alec”

“Alec? short for Alexander?”

Alec nodded “No one calls me Alexander though”

“No one?” the man smiled.

“Not a single being on this planet” Alec smiled, he wasn’t even lying, there wasn’t anyone who ever used his full name. Last time he had heard it being spoken was when he had been sentenced.

“Alexander it is then” The man said and there was something in his tone. It was slightly demanding, but soft at the same time. It wasn’t a question, but Alec still felt good about it.

“And you?” Alec played with the label his beer bottle as he spoke.

“Magnus, not short for anything” Magnus smiled and looked down to where Alec was ripping the label into small pieces “Sexually frustrated?”  

Alec snapped out of his thoughts and stiffened in his seat “What?”

Magnus laughed softly “It’s what they say you are if you play with the labels on your bottles”  

“I don’t.. I didn’t know” Alec said and pushed the bottle away.

“You didn’t know that what it meant or you don’t know if you are sexually frustrated?”

Alec looked Magnus over and bit the inside of his lip. He hadn’t been out long, but they had ended up talking about sex quicker than what he considered normal, the thought that the man might actually be a professional crossed his mind. “I didn’t know that is what it meant” he started and felt strangely disappointed at the thought of this guy just wanting money “Are you offering?” he asked before really thinking.

Magnus laughed again and the sound was like pearls — round, smooth and precious. “No, no I am not offering” he stopped and smiled “if you want to sleep with me, you need to charm your way into my bed with things other than money” Magnus leaned forward, quickly looking at a watch around his wrist before leaning his chin against his hand rested on the table. “But if you feel like maybe giving that a go, you could always come to mine and have a quick drink with me?”

Alec felt something resembling butterflies wake in his stomach, just that these were much more extreme, maybe he had swans or something fluttering their wings down there. “That sounds a lot like offering” he tried, biting the inside of his lip again.

Magnus was shaking his head while keeping it rested against his palm. “Not even close” he smiled as he traced invisible circles against the table top with the fingers of his free hand. “We can have a drink that doesn’t taste like sewage and talk”

Alec nodded, keeping his eyes locked with Magnus’, feeling like the guy could see straight through him.

“You don’t have to worry, you are not getting into my bed unless you beg me for it” Magnus smiled and stood up, tipping his head to the side and indicating that they should be heading out right away.

Alec visibly shivered and bit his lip hard as he stood up. He didn’t know what it was, he had never actually felt like this before and the thought of not giving into this was out of the question. Grabbing his phone, he quickly looked at it and saw that it was still three hours until he had to be back- that was three hours he preferred to spend with Magnus over just sitting around here.

Following Magnus outside, Alec looked over at his car that stood parked a bit further off but decided against saying anything. He didn’t want Magnus to know who he was, well he wanted him to know who he was but not who his family was. People had changed how they saw him and how they acted his entire life when they found out, so he just followed Magnus over to what he guessed was his own car.

Stopping in his tracks when Magnus unlocked the car, Alec looked at the purple Lamborghini in front of him. Magnus had not been kidding when he had said he didn’t need money anyway. “Wow, that is very.. Visible” he commented as Magnus sat behind the wheel.

“It is.. I liked the song” Magnus said before shutting the car door.

Walking around to the passenger side, Alec opened the door and slipped inside and sat down in the passenger seat, putting his seatbelt on.

Magnus didn’t say anything as they were driving, he was driving fast though and he was swaying between lines and cars like he was in a hurry. Alec didn’t comment on it, just looked out the window and tried to map out where they were going. He had only been in New York for a few weeks and had never been in these parts before, so it was probably not a bad idea to at least try to get a grip of where he was going.

They drove down into a parking garage under a building that lay down by the water. There were guards by the gate and Alec understood why when they were down there. One of the cars here probably cost more than most people made in several years working, all of them? They would work all their life and still not meet one down payment.

“Home” Magnus smiled when they parked before he got out.

Alec followed, unable to not smile himself. There was something very infectious about Magnus’ smile, there was just something about him in general. “All of these cars yours?” Alec asked as he looked around, knowing the answer but asking anyway.

Magnus laughed again “No, a few of them though” he said and headed towards a pair of dark glass doors.

Alec walked a little behind Magnus, while he was out of his sight he pulled the gun he had tucked down the waistband of his trousers on his back and pushed it into one of the pockets on the inside of his jacket. He didn’t want Magnus to get the wrong idea if he noticed it later when he removed his jacket.

They walked in through the black glass doors and into a lift. Once inside Magnus pressed his wrist against a steel plate on the wall before pressing the button for the top floor. Alec was watching as the button flashed green and then blue before they started moving.

“Why haven’t I seen you around town before by the way? A handsome man like yourself.. I would have noticed” Magnus said as he leaned against the wall of the lift and looked Alec up and down, something that made Alec blush again. What was this guy doing to him?

“I just moved here” Alec smiled “I lived in New Jersey for the last five years” he smiled, he wasn’t exactly lying, he just wasn’t telling the entire truth. He wasn’t sure how well it would go down if he told him he had served 5 years in prison for connections to a murder that he had actually committed, and that the only reason he was out so soon was that they hadn’t been able to prove it wasn't in self defence, also because he had been so young when it happened. “Before that I moved around a lot. I was born here but never lived here before”

Magnus didn’t ask any more questions, which was a relief to Alec. “Well, that explains your accent being all over the place” Magnus smiled and reached up to gently push some of Alec’s hair back making Alec shiver. “It is very cute though and it makes you a little mysterious” Magnus added before dropping his hand back down.

Alec swallowed slowly and was just about to thank him for the compliment when the lift stopped and the doors opened into a hall which only had one door. Magnus walked out and over to the door opening it, surprising Alec with it not having been locked. There must be a lock in the lift.

“What would you like to drink Alexander?” Magnus asked as he walked into the massive open-plan apartment.

Closing the door behind himself, Alec thought for a second about taking something more fancy, but decided against it “Just a beer” Alec answered as he looked around, ‘not bad, not bad at all’. Taking off his jacket, Alec lay it down over the armrest of a chair that stood alone by the entrance. He didn’t want Magnus to find the weapons he had on him, so he found it best to leave it over by the door.

“Make yourself at home and take a seat, I will bring you your beer” Magnus called out from around the wall he had just disappeared behind.

Alec nodded to himself and walked into the massive open room. Once he did he could see Magnus over his shoulder again, standing with his back against Alec. The space felt even more massive because of all of the huge windows letting in light from both sides of the room. The flat he and Izzy lived in was a lot bigger, but it felt smaller than this because it was so much darker.

Walking over to a group of chairs and a sofa, Alec sat down on the sofa just to be sure he didn’t by accident take Magnus’ favourite chair or something. The black leather felt soft to the touch. Everything in the apartment was a mix of very clean lines and rough edges. It was a dark industrial style, but it still felt warm.  

“Here” Magnus was standing over him and handing him a glass of beer. Alec usually drank right out of the bottle, but the glass gave it a more sophisticated feel which fitted Magnus better than the rough style that was more of what Alec was. Taking the glass, Alec thanked Magnus as he watched him sit down next to him instead of in any of the chairs.

“This is a nice place” Alec said and looked around, having a little trouble understanding the layout of the apartment. It seemed to be one wall with no windows on the side where the door they came in through was, then big windows on both sides and windows covered with heavy curtains behind them. Where did he sleep? Where was the bathroom?  

“Thank you” Magnus sounded softer again, like he had done before they left the restaurant earlier.

“Where do you sleep though?” Alec asked as he looked around the room again.

“Are you in such a hurry to find my bedroom?” Magnus laughed.

Blushing again, Alec quickly took a sip of his beer and looked down into the white foam.

“Behind you, the black curtains cover a wall and an opening. Behind that wall there is a bathroom, an emergency exit as well as a staircase up to the top floor, which is where I sleep” Magnus hummed, clearly amused.

“Oh” Alec cleared his throat and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand to make sure he didn't have a foam moustache. “Sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it, I was just wondering”.

“Hey” Magnus spoke softly again and Alec leaned in against his touch as he felt his fingers brush against his cheek. “I am very happy you are wondering where I sleep.. and better you ask now so you don’t get lost if you ever want to make your way there”

Alec turned his head to look at Magnus and smiled, wondering how the man could make him feel so much better so quickly. Looking at Magnus’ somewhat different eyes, he tried to see if he could see that little circle that meant it was contact lenses, but couldn’t find them. “I love your eyes” He let out before he had a chance to think about what he was actually saying.

“Thank you”

Alec could see in his eyes that he was smiling, not needing to take his focus away from them. “Do you wear contact lenses or something?” he asked and tipped his head slightly to the side, shivering a little as Magnus hand moved around to the back of his neck and his fingers played with the shorter hairs, like he was trying to twirl it around his fingertips.

“No” Magnus was still smiling “I am just a little special”

“Mhm” Alec nodded and shifted slightly on the spot “I like them..”

“I’m glad.. I like yours too” Magnus sounded almost a little distant.

Alec felt like he was almost in a trance as he felt mixed feelings in his heart, he felt like it was beating faster and his breath which seemed to calm down. Tightening his grip around the glass in his hand, he leaned towards Magnus not sure what he was indicating he wanted.

Magnus didn’t seem to wonder though and as soon as Alec had leaned closer, Magnus closed his eyes and leant in to meet him, pressing his lips against Alec’s.


	2. His Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus get to know each other a little better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters in this chapter that are mentioned by their nickname and who they are:  
> The Angel = Alec  
> The Warlock = Magnus  
> Candy Man = Simon  
> Ice = Raphael  
> Kitty = Clary  
> Deathrow = Jace
> 
> Explaining:  
> MPV = Magnus' Point of View  
> APV = Alec's Point of View  
> —— = Time jump

**APV**

Alec let out a small happy sound as his lips pressed against Magnus’ soft ones. Being this close he could smell the soft almost summery scent of Magnus. His lips were sweet, tasting like sugar and lime. Alec lifted his free hand and pressed it against Magnus’ chest, feeling the heat from his body though the thin fabric.

Shifting closer, Alec dug his finger into the smooth fabric of Magnus’ shirt and tried to savour the taste of his lips. There was a sting as his head was yanked back, but to his own surprise- Alec moaned and resisted just enough for the feeling to linger just a second longer.

Slowly opening his eyes, Alec looked at Magnus who gave him a playful smile and licked his lips.

“As expected. Duly noted” Magnus was still smiling.

“What?” Alec was lost. He wondered how he had got himself into this situation so quickly, and when he felt Magnus other hand on his thigh, he wondered when Magnus put his drink down? He was still holding onto his shirt with one hand and tightly gripping his glass with the other.

“This” Magnus stated and tightened the grip of Alec’s short hair again and gave it a rather hard tug, making his scalp tingle and a familiar warmth spreading from deep in his stomach and down to his groins, making him gasp. When the feeling faded, Alec lowered his eyes and let go of Magnus’ shirt and let his hand drop down. It was embarrassing and though some part of him ached to lose some control and power for once, another part of him screamed for him to not let this happen.

Alec took a deep breath and looked up “I think maybe I should.”

“Relax?” Magnus didn’t let him finish.

“No, just that.” Alec tried to sound firm, but there was something about those eyes.

“Shut up and kiss me” It was Magnus who shifted closer now.

“I meant that.” Alec tried, but Magnus had leaned closer now and he could feel his breath against his face. The hand that had rested on his thigh was gently massaging him though the thick denim fabric of his trousers almost up by his groin. Alec’s chest was rising and falling quickly as he closed his eyes, trying to tell himself that he could just stand up and leave if he wanted to, he was still in charge.

“It wasn’t a question” Magnus whispered, but somehow still sounding demanding.

The hand in his hair loosened the grip and instead moved to cup one side of Alec’s face. The thumb of Magnus’ hand gently brushed against his cheek and then something just clicked, like he belonged. Leaning in, Alec gave up resisting and did what he had been told to. It felt like weights were lifted of his shoulders as their lips smashed together again. He must have surprised Magnus because even he let out a small gasp, but quickly the other man was back in control and Alec parted his lips willingly to let Magnus’ tongue in.

Alec moaned around the tongue in his mouth as he switched between sucking at it and letting it explore his mouth. Shifting over, pushing Alec’s hand away, Magnus moved to straddle his lap, but not for a second pulling away. Reaching around Magnus with his free hand and firmly Alec grabbed a hold of his hip and moaned as the other man pushed down over him.

Alec lost track of time as they sat there, the feeling of Magnus, everything about him made Alec feel like he was on fire. The only times they pulled apart was for half a second now and then to catch their breath.

Holding onto Magnus tightly, Alec leaned forward and the other man backwards to be able to place his glass down on the glass table. The glass made a harsh ringing sound as glass met glass and Magnus hummed amused and pulled back from the kiss. His action made Alec glad he had just sat the glass down as he held onto the other man with both hands so he wouldn’t fall backwards onto the table.

“What?” Alec asked as he chased Magnus’ lips, but didn’t catch them as he pulled further back.

“I thought you were pulling me closer when you pushed forward. Realised you just did it to put the glass down” Magnus smiled as Alec pulled them both back, sitting relaxed on the couch again as he ran his hands up his back. Magnus leaned down over him and started leaving a moist trail of small kisses along Alec’s jaw as he spoke. “It was just amusing, that is all”

“I wanted both my hands free” Alec admitted as he scraped his short nails into Magnus’s clothed back and willingly tipped his head to the side to give him better access as Magnus’ kisses reached his ear, closing his eyes.

“Mhm. Fair enough” Magnus mumbled as he nibbled and kissed the side of Alec’s neck. It was so soft and gentle though that when he suddenly bit him, rather hard, Alec almost jumped and his eyes shot open and he let out a pained sound.

Magnus didn’t pull back, but Alec could feel him pouting against his neck. “Sorry” He heard him say before he could feel Magnus soft tongue lick gently over the spot he had just bit.

“No, it’s. I was just surprised” Alec tried as he moved his hands down to move up under Magnus’ shirt, feeling his unbelievably soft skin against his fingertips.

“Yeah?” Magnus kissed his skin gently again before for a second time sinking his teeth into his neck, much more gently this time. “Better?” Magnus asked as he held onto Alec’s shoulders while very carefully rolling his hips.

Alec bit his lip and shook his head slowly.

“No?” Magnus pulled back then, but Alec didn’t look at him.

“I was just surprised” Alec said again, still avoiding making eye contact.

“You were just surprised?” Magnus’ hand grabbed a hold of Alec’s jaw and turned his face around so they were looking at each other. Alec could feel his face heat up as he was probably turning bright red.

“What do you mean with.” Magnus started but paused and smiled “Oh!” the smile got winder. “You liked it better when it was harder? It just surprised you. Thats what you meant?”

Alec nodded slowly, trying hard to not look away.

Cupping Alec’s face with both his hands now, Magnus laughed softly and shook his head, making Alec both relax but also feeling kinda dumb.

“What?”

“Nothing. It’s just you are surprising me, that's all” Magnus said and leaned a little closer and left a small kiss on his lips. “You are absolutely stunning, probably the most beautiful man I have seen in a very long time. You are tall, dark, mysterious and from what I can tell rather well trained. You are easy to talk to and seem to be into some pretty kinky shit.” Alec blushed furiously now and had Magnus not held his head in place he would have looked away. “And on top of that, you are much sweeter than what I expected” Alec wasn’t sure he had ever been called sweet in his entire life. He was pretty sure that his parents had called him ‘touch little soldier’ even as a toddler.

“So. What is wrong with you?” Magnus spoke softly as his hands moved up and his fingers brushed into Alec’s hair. “There has to be something!”

‘Where to start?’ Alec thought, but didn’t say anything and instead just shrugged his shoulders.

“Come on, tell me something you don’t consider good!”

Magnus was so close and Alec pressed the palms of his hands against his back to have as much direct skin to skin contact as possible.

“I dunno” Alec said as his head spun, trying to think of something he could actually say. ‘I've killed, tortured, threaten, kidnapped, robbed and stole, done drugs and drink too much’ he could have said, but he didn’t want Magnus to know.

“It must be something?” Magnus kissed him again now and Alec melted into his lips, tightening his hold around him to pull him closer, but Magnus pulled away again and just looked at him with a teasing smile on his lips. “Maybe you have a really tiny cock?” Magnus wiggled his hips back and forth a little and pressed firmly down over Alec and his semi erection, making him gasp. “No. That doesn’t seem to be the case.. But I could have worked with that too.. or maybe, you are really wide?” Magnus pulled back and flashed Alec a toothy grin.

Alec’s jaw dropped and he just stared up at the other man for a second. This guy truly had no filters what so ever. “What.. No” he finally got out “I don’t bottom”

“No?” Magnus fingers were massaging his scalp gently “You don’t like it?”

Alec blushed again and bit his lip “I don’t think so”

“So you’ve never tried?”

“No” Alec’s hand moved down Magnus back again and let his hands rest when he found the waistline of his trousers.

“You don’t want to?” Magnus was speaking a lot gentler again now.

Alec didn’t know what to say, he had never had conversations like this. It was always make out and then just fuck, not actually talking unless it was just dirty talk. “It’s never been an issue” He finally said, but just as he did it hit him that maybe it was, maybe it was an issue with Magnus. Looking up at him, feeling the weight of him and his touch he found himself almost praying that it wouldn’t be. “Is it? You don’t wanna do this now?”

Magnus looked puzzled for a second.

“Maybe I could, with time.. But I can’t now, so maybe I should just.. Maybe I should go?!” Alec would have stormed out, but Magnus was sitting on top of him and also, he didn’t want to, he wanted Magnus to say it was ok.

“Alexander.” Magnus started and Alec couldn’t help but feel a little tingly again, he loved how he said his name. “I am not sleeping with you now.. And even if I was, just because I find the mental picture of you spread out before me to be near god damn perfection, if you hadn’t wanted it, we wouldn’t. I enjoy both” Alec felt his mouth go dry as he listened to Magnus speak.

“No? I thought that's what we came here for?” Alec tried to go back, of course he had maybe thought they were actually just gonna talk, but then this thing happened, the thing that ended with Magnus on top of him and them making out for what, hours?

Magnus let out a sigh, but it was softer than one you would let out in frustration. “We probably could and would, but I don’t have the time.. And I think I could like you, so maybe it would be best to not jump your bones right away” Magnus smiled, and the more often he did, the more beautiful Alec found it. “Plus, you haven’t begged yet” Alec didn’t know why, but he felt warm all over. Magnus hadn’t even said that he liked him, he had just said he maybe could.

“I could.” Alec almost whispered.

“You could beg?” Magnus laughed as Alec nodded “Tell you what. I need to run out, just a quick thing I need to sort out. Why don’t you stay here, then you can beg when I get back.. And I will probably give in and let you stay the night and we’ll see what happens?”

Nodding again, Alec returned the kiss when Magnus leaned down over him and then instantly missed him when Magnus pulled back and got off him and started straightening his clothes.

“I’ll be quick. Just make yourself at home while I’m gone” Magnus promised and Alec nodded.

“See you in a bit” Alec smiled as he watched Magnus hurry around for minute or two before disappearing out the door. He felt strangely lonely when he did. Not lonely like he was in a big flat on his own and no one was around-lonely. It was more .. I’m missing something important like an arm or a leg-lonely. Leaning forward, Alec picked up his glass from before and had a sip of the now pretty flat beer.

Standing up, Alec pushed his hand against his crotch- shifting his slowly softening semi-erection into a more comfortable position as he walked over to one of the big windows and looked out. It must cost an absolute fortune to live here he thought as he tried to map out where he actually was. After a while he realised he was probably not more than a 10 minute drive away from where he and Izzy lived at the moment.

Izzy. Izzy? Fuck, the meeting. Cursing under his breath he fished his phone up from his pocket and saw that it was about 15 minutes until he was supposed to be there. Turning around he hurried over to the table and sat his glass down before almost running over to his jacket and threw it on. He was half way out the door when he stopped. He had said he would wait here.

He stopped dead in his track and swore loudly. Ok, he could just go and come back, right? If he had Magnus’ number he could have texted him, but he hadn’t asked for it yet. He could leave a note, so he wouldn’t think he had just ran out. Turning back around, he left the door ajar as he went into the kitchen and looked around to see if he could find some paper and something to write with. Frustration spread through him as he started going thoughts drawers, not finding anything to write on or with. At one of the bottom drawers he found some napkins, which was at least something he could write on so he pulled one out before he kept on looking for a pen.

“Fuck, fuck. FUCK, it’s a pen not the holy grail” Alec cursed as he left the kitchen with the napkin and headed over to every table he could find in the flat, trying to find something. For a second, the idea of just getting a knife and carve the message into the table crossed his mind, but he quickly dismissed it- he didn’t want to come across as a psycho either.

When he was over by the couch again he looked at his phone again. Seven minutes now. As he turned around he pushed the half full glass of flat beer over so it spilled out over the table and carpet, the light grey carpet.

“FUCK!” Alec spat as he quickly leaned down and picked up the glass and pressed the napkin he had in his hand against the carpet that now was a light grey carpet with a big dark grey spot on it. Praying it wouldn’t make a permanent mark Alec jumped up and went over to the kitchen and got out more napkins from the drawer he had found the other in earlier.

He was almost finished wiping of the table and pushing the white napkins into the carpet when his phone rang. Picking up, he used his free hand to keep on trying to get the beer out of the carpet.

“Where the hell are you?” Izzy sounded beyond annoyed.

“I’m running late, I’ll be there” Alec tried as he picked up the napkins and walked over towards the kitchen to throw them away.

“You were supposed to be here NOW” Lowering the phone, Alec looked at the time and cursed again.

“Can’t you stall?”

There was some huffing sound and Alec could hear Izzy apologising and it go silent for a while.

“Izzy?” Alec tried as he found the bin and threw the napkins away.

“Alec, I swear to higher powers I will kill you myself” “Hey, I am just late.. Just stall, I will run out now” Alec hurried over to the table and picked up the glass to bring it to the kitchen and put it down on the counter next to the sink.

“He is here and he is REALLY inpatient. The FIRST thing he said when he came was that he needed to get this done quickly.. And what do you mean run out? Where are you?”

“I don’t know.” Alec started.

“You don’t know? No, I don’t want to know. I will just have to start this, just get your ass over here as fast as you can” There was a click as Izzy hung up and Alec stopped in his track again and looked around. There was nothing he could do, he would just have to go and try to come back after and explain that he had wanted to leave a note, but that he hadn’t known that pens were apparently banned from this flat.

He took a deep breath and hurried out the door, making sure he shut it behind himself before he went to the lift. He took it down to the ground floor. He didn’t have time to get a good look at the place though. One outside he grabbed his phone and took a picture of the building and the name of it to make sure he remembered, then hurriedly tried to flag down a taxi.

——

Pushing the door to restaurant open, Alec looked around and saw Izzy as she jumped down from one of the high barstools and walked over toward him.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Izzy was fuming.

“I’m sorry, I forgot” Alec started and tried to look as apologetic as he could.

“I don’t think Bane was too happy about being ditched like that, you are supposed to be in charge here.”

“You are a Lightwood too, that should count as the same” Alec said and made a face.

“Well, it doesn’t. OK?” There was something in Izzy’s eyes then, sadness?

Alec let out a sigh “Did he say anything?”

“No.no. He is too professional to do that, too polite maybe” Izzy let out a sigh too.

“He is not polite” Alec jumped at the unfamiliar voice as a guy came through the swing doors from the kitchen. Before the guy could take another step, Alec had reached into his jacket and grabbed his gun, having it aimed at the guys head over Izzy’s shoulder.

“Who the fuck are you?” Alec spat demandingly.

“Hey. I come in peace, man” The guy said and lifted his hands up like he was surrendering, holding a half eaten spring roll in one of them.

“He is one of Bane’s guys” Izzy said and glared at Alec until he lowered his gun, not putting it back though. “And it could have been someone who worked here, how trigger happy are you?”

The man lowered his hands again and then continued to eat the spring roll and smiled.

Alec clenched his teeth together, he hated the guy already. That stupid smile and the stupid haircut and he looked way too relaxed and happy. “And you are?”

“I’m the Candy Man” The man said and gave a wide grin “You may not call me Candy, as I am not a stripper.. You CAN call me Simon though”

“Not a stripper, but you are someone who lure kids into unmarked vans?” Alec spat.

Simon frowned and then smiled again “Oh, you say that because of kids that get lured into vans by some fucking monsters with promise of candy and my name being Candy Man? I get it.. No, no I am just the guy that will make sure that the Warlocks’ little magic is spread out evenly, or the ‘candy’ if you like. I do understand where you were going with that though, funny” Simon smiled and then had another bite of his spring roll.

Alec frowned as he watched the Simon guy just brush of the insult like it had been nothing. “What kind of guy is this to send for us to deal with?” he spoked in a hushed voice as he looked at Izzy.

“If you had been here, you would have known” Izzy hissed back “Ice, Bane’s second in command or whatever is together with this guy.. meaning, we are dealing with someone close to Bane which again is a sign of trust. Something he really wouldn’t have needed to do seeing you didn’t even show up.”

Feeling ashamed, Alec took a deep breath “Who are we putting in charge on our end then?”.

“Well, I had to offer someone high up.. So, Kitty”

Alec froze “What?” Alec grabbed a hold of Izzy and pulled her further away from Simon. “Kitty is too close to you. She knows too much and I don’t trust her”.

“I had to, it was her or Deathrow.. and he is even closer to you” Izzy pulled her hand free from Alec’s grip “And it's not like she is going to be best friends with the guy, they aren’t supposed to trade storied, they are supposed to work together to make sure this all works out like it needs to.”

“Whatever, I need to go” Alec said and stepped away from both of them, he couldn’t deal with this right now.

Izzy huffed annoyed “Where are you going?”

“Just, there is somewhere I need to be” Alec turned around.

“He seems grumpy for someone known as the Angel” he could hear Simon say.

“Lucifer was an angel too” Alec snapped without turning as he went outside, slamming the door shut behind himself. He didn’t like this deal, he didn’t like that he had no idea who he was actually dealing with. He didn’t like Simon and he didn’t like that he had to run of all of this shit in the first place.

——

Back home, Alec lay down on his back in the bed and looked up at the ceiling. He had taken his car that he had left earlier and gone back to Magnus’ place only to find out he wasn’t there. ‘You just missed him’ the guy that worked there had said ‘He came and left again’.

He had waited for an hour, then gone for a drive that lasted a couple of hours and come back, but Magnus had still not been back. There were limits to how long he could wait there before it got pathetic, so in the end he had decided to just head home.

Looking up at the ceiling and counting little dark spots there, Alec tried to not think about how much better it would have been to be in Magnus’ bed. Blinking slowly he rolled over on his side and pulled at the covers on his bed until he could wrap himself around it and closed his eyes. He could try to go by his place later.

 


	3. Who are you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Characters in this chapter that are mentioned by their nickname and who they are:**  
>  The Widow = Maryse  
> Doll = Izzy  
> Kitty = Clary 
> 
> **Explaining:**  
>  MPV = Magnus' Point of View  
> APV = Alec's Point of View  
> —— = Time jump

**MPV**

The meeting with the Lightwoods, or should he say Lightwood in singular as only one of the two showed up, had been disappointing. The daughter who just went by Doll, which was a less than good name for someone, seemed fierce but not mean like her parents. She ha been as polite as you could be in that situation, dressed to kill and she was gorgeous. Magnus had almost regretted going into this to take them down, but any way he could hurt the Widow was a good way. He had also heard some terrible things about her brother, so at least that was something.

The day went from good when he had met Alec, to sour with that meeting, to worse when he got back home. He had really thought he would have waited, it had just been something about the guy. Magnus had checked the other rooms to be sure and even stayed for 15 minutes to see if he had maybe just popped out, but no Alexander. Deciding he would just have to swallow the loss, no matter how great it was, he had decided to go out and have a few drinks with Raphael. It wasn’t like the night could get any worse anyway.

——

More than two weeks had passed since the day he had met Alexander. Magnus had to admit that he had probably enjoyed the company of the man more than he had wanted to let on to start with, because he had found himself back at that restaurant 3 times since then, just to check if maybe he usually hung around there. He had asked Raphael if he knew of anyone with the name, but of course he knew about ten Alexanders, none of which fitted with the extra information of having just moved to the city or going by Alec.

Magnus had given up. Instead, he focused on the work at hand and the operation with the Lightwoods were going better than he expected. Simon, whom he had put on getting information by staying close to the family was getting along well with Kitten or Kitty, or whatever her name was. It was almost too good, as Magnus expected that Simon liked her a lot more than he should like someone he was trying to get information from. It was working out though, and Magnus had sent the information in the right direction after receiving it.

Walking down the street with his phone in his hand, Magnus didn’t even flinch when he heard gunshot not far away. There was some shouting which he also would have easily ignored if it wasn’t for the guy that almost ran him down. Magnus looked over his shoulder at the black haired man that had run past him and then turned to look up just as a blond rather good looking man turned the corner right in front of him, sprinting after the guy. “The fuck is wrong with people in this city?” He mumbled to himself as he looked down the alley the two men had run from and saw a third guy standing there.

He was just about to return his focus to his phone when he realised who it was and stopped. It couldn’t be? The guy was tall and had messy dark hair, a black jacket with the sleeves pulled up revealing a heavy tattooed arm and dark denim trousers. He was putting something away and wiped blood from his nose with the back of his hand when he turned and fully faced Magnus and Magnus was sure.

“Alexander?”

Alec looked up and their eyes met. It was a second where it looked like his dark eyes were shining before they faded and Alec quickly wiped his face, doing nothing to cover the blood that was now smeared across his chin and right cheek.

Taking a few steps into the ally, Magnus put his phone away and then stopped again.

“Magnus?” Alec replied and walked towards him. He seemed to move differently now, differently from what he had the first time, with more confidence maybe.

“What happened to you?” Magnus asked as Alec walked up to him and even though he looked messed up with his clothing ruffled and his nose bleeding, which he constantly wiped with his hand, he was beautiful.

Alec looked over his shoulder at where he had just stood and then back at Magnus “Just some stuff, my mate will sort it out”.

It was a thin explanation, but Magnus nodded. If Alec didn’t want to tell him, he wouldn’t force him to. For now.

“I didn’t think I would see you again” Alec spoke, and his tone was getting softer by the minute.

“Same, seeing you were gone when I came back last time I saw you” Magnus nodded, glad that Alec had been the one to bring it up.

“I’m sorry, I had to run and do something.. and when I came back your doorman said I just missed you” Alec made a face as he wiped the fresh blood off his face again, probably from pain.

“You came back?” Magnus was both strangely happy about that and bitterly disappointed with himself for not having stayed longer to wait for him. “You should have left your number” Magnus added and smiled, wanting to reach out and touch him, ask if he was ok and hold him. It didn’t seem like the time nor place though, so he stuck his hands in his pockets instead.

Alec frowned “I was supposed to, but I couldn’t find a pen at your place”

Magnus couldn’t help but laugh, he had thought it had looked like someone had gone through most of the drawers in his flat, this was probably why. “You could have left it with the doorman when you came back?”

Alec paused, like he was thinking and then cursed.

“What?”

“I didn’t even think of that” Alec said and gave a small smile.

Magnus couldn’t help it, it was adorable. Usually he would find the lack of problem solving like this kind of annoying, but with Alec it was different. “What are you doing now? waiting here for your friend?”

Alec shook his head “I am heading home, I need to clean up and then just chill, kind of tired” he wiped away blood again, it looked like it was less now, but his hand was covered.

“You could clean up at mine?” Magnus suggested, not wanting to leave Alec when he had just found him again.

“You sure? I could clean up and come by yours another time?”

Magnus shook his head “I don’t mind at all, I’d rather not let you out of my sight again if I’m honest.. last time I did, it took me two weeks to find you again”

It was Alec’s turn to laugh now “Good point”

Magnus had been on his way somewhere, he was supposed to meet Raphael for a weekly update on how the products were moving, but there was just no way he was letting this opportunity to right the wrongs from last time. “Come on then, we can walk back, shouldn’t take more than 5-6 minutes”. Magnus turned back around and Alec followed, coming up on the side next to him as they headed back.

——

On the way back to his place, Alec had filled him in on what he had done since last time. Well, not actually filled him in as he just said vague things like ‘hanging with friends’, ‘working out some things’ and ‘getting to know the city better’, but at least Magnus felt like he was getting some idea of what he had been doing, which wasn’t much.

“What do you actually do for a living? you don’t seem to be engaged during the day” Magnus said as they stepped into the lift that would take them up to his flat. His doorman had given him a worried look at the sight of Alec and the state he was in, but Magnus had just smiled and without words tried to reassure him that it was ok. “And you might dress kind of” Magnus paused, not wanting to actually insult the guy “clean” he smiled, hoping that was a friendly enough substitute for ‘boring’ “but I can see that it's some rather expensive brands you are modelling”.

Alec shrugged his shoulders “The family has money” he smiled, that adorable little smile that Magnus actually had missed “I’m just a spoiled brat that have a habit of getting into trouble now and then”

Again, his answer didn’t actually answer any questions, but taking the situation he had just found Alec in, Magnus guessed that it wasn’t exactly something legal. The money also could be easily explained, the city was overflowing with rich ‘kids’ that had got bored with their life and joined more questionable groups.

“You?” Alec asked as the lift stopped on the top floor and they both exited.

“It’s not very interesting” Magnus smiled, not wanting to let Alec in on what he was doing just yet, but also not wanting to lie. “Making and distributing products, I’m the owner though, so I have a lot of time off because I’ve hired people to do what I am supposed to do”. Pushing the door open to his flat, he let Alec walk past him before closing the door behind them.

Looking at Alec, Magnus was happy to see that it looked like his nose had stopped bleeding. His hands were covered in it though and so was a lot of the lower part of his face and his cloths. “You should probably take a shower” He said and smiled. “I can see if I can find a t-shirt or something that you can borrow”.

Alec looked down at himself and then back up to meet Magnus’ eyes “I look like a mess, don’t I?”

Magnus nodded but laughed “You do, but I know there is a beautiful man under all that blood”. He shook his head to himself in amusement as Alec looked away shyly. He couldn’t understand how someone he knew had just been in a fight, someone who clearly had a lot of confidence while out and about could change so drastically just by being complimented. “Alright, follow me” Magnus walked over to the other side of the flat and pulled one of the heavy black curtains to the side to reveal an opening that lead to an area with a round staircase that went upstairs, a small sitting area and what he used as his study and a steel door that lead to the bathroom. Pushing the door open, Magnus let Alec in, “Ok, that's the shower.. use any products, and clean towels are..” Magnus pointed at shelves built into the wall “there.” Magnus turned and looked at Alec who stood over by the door. “Take your time and just call out if there is anything and I will come running” he smiled and winked before walking past him and out of the bathroom again, closing the door.

Heading back into the living room part of his flat, Magnus hung up his jacket by the door and got rid of both his shoes and socks, he preferred being barefoot. He quickly texted Raphael to cancel the meeting and move it till tomorrow morning, he knew Raphael wouldn’t like it, but he was the boss after all so his word was law. Getting himself a glass of wine he then half lay down on the couch and flipped through a Vogue, Japanese edition, while he waited.

——

“Magnus?”

Magnus sat up at the sound of his name and he moved his attention from the magazine to Alec who had entered the room. Inhaling sharply, Magnus found himself lost for words for a few seconds. Alec was walking over towards him, his trousers hanging dangerously low on his hips. His hair was damp and messy and though you could tell that he was probably going to develop some bruising on his face during the night, he was clean. He was muscular but in a lean and not bulky way, like he had been shaped by the Gods themselves and the V he could almost see the tip of with those trousers made it hard to breath. He also had several tattoos that hadn’t shown before. From the centre of his chest, two wings spread out reaching the top of his shoulders. His right arm was completely covered, which he had guessed from seeing the sleeves of his shirt pulled up the other day. His left was covered down to his elbow and there was some kind of writing down his side. “Oh.. hello there” Magnus smiled and bit his lip, not even trying to hide his admiration of Alec’s overall almost naked form.

Alec huffed and lifted his left arm to rub his right shoulder, almost like he was trying to cover up. “You said I could maybe borrow like a t-shirt or something, mine is kinda dirty”

“Yeah” Magnus started and got up, leaving his magazine and glass of wine on the table “though it would be a shame to cover you up” he smiled teasingly as he walked around the couch.

A small smile tugged at Alec’s lips but he didn’t say anything.

Magnus let out an amused sigh “Ok, come on”. It was a miracle that he managed to walk past Alec without reaching out to touch him when he looked like he did, but he managed and headed back behind the curtains again. Heading over to the stairs, Magnus stopped and gestured for Alec to go first. “Tall, dark and handsome first” he smiled.

“That could easily be you” Alec replied and Magnus felt oddly happy about what he could and most definitely would take as a compliment. “I’m not that tall” Magnus smiled and gestured for a second time for Alec to head up first. Alec accepted it this time and walked past him and started heading up the stairs. Following straight behind, Magnus enjoyed the view as they made their way to the top floor.

Upstairs, Alec had stopped and was looking around. This room was really the reason Magnus chose to live here at all, because he could get something bigger and something better. Three of the walls were just windows, then there was one brick wall that covered his closet. In front of that wall was his bed, and that was basically it. Magnus really enjoyed the view of the water, the city and how it was built made it almost feel like it wasn’t a room at all, but like he was sleeping out in open.

“Your place has a lot of windows” Alec commented.

“I like light.. and the view” Magnus replied and walked over to the opening that led into his closet.

“Don’t you feel like you are on display?” Alec asked, staying behind in the room.

“Not all the way up here no, but I also don’t mind an audience” Magnus smiled as he went though his shirts and t-shirts to see if he had anything that would fit Alec.

Alec was silent for a while. He usually responded to anything that was in any way suggestive in that way it seemed.

“Would you mind pink?” Magnus called out.

It stayed silent for a bit “Eh.. I guess not”

Magnus huffed. He wasn’t about to make him put anything on that he didn’t like. “I’ll find something else” He had a massive closet, it was bigger than the rest of the bedroom actually. This space had been an ensuite, a walk in closet and a study when he moved in. Now it was only a closet and it was getting too small.

“Do you mind if I sit down?” Alec called from the room again.

Magnus walked over to the doorway and smiled “You haven’t begged yet”. Lifting up a navy blue t-shirt with a gold pattern on it that was supposed to be loose fitting on him and a white t-shirt with a motive of what looked like demons in deep pink and purple. “One of these might fit you”

Alec blushed, and now that he was shirtless Magnus could see the slight hint of pink spreading down his chest as well. “I didn’t mean it like that, I am just a little tired and thought you’d take longer” Alec shifted slightly on the spot “the blue?”.

Magnus threw the white one back into the closet, missing the shelf and hitting the floor but didn’t care. “Blue it is” he said as he walked over to Alec and offered him the t-shirt. “I did say you would have to beg.. it just wouldn’t be right to give you a pass just because you only wanted to sit”.

Alec took the t-shirt and held it with both hands in front of him, looked at the bed, down on the t-shirt and then back at Magnus. It looked like he was thinking, it was cute how you could just tell the wheels were turning in that beautiful head of his.

“Yeah?” Reaching out, Magnus grabbed a hold of the waistline of Alec’s trousers and pulled him a little closer. “Did you want to ask me something?”

Alec let himself be pulled closer. Magnus was in good shape himself, but he was smaller than Alec so whatever ‘power’ he had, it was because Alec was giving it up, which only made it so much hotter. “I don’t really need to, I just thought you would stay longer”.

Reaching up with his free hand, Magnus very gently traced one of the lines in the wing on the left side of Alec’s chest. He had dark hair that covered some of it, but he was young so it was still very fine. “Don’t you want to? You could get into bed with me for a cuddle”. Alec shivered visibly and the small hairs rose at the touch. He didn’t say anything for a long time, but when he did, it was so low that Magnus could hardly hear it. Just a very faint ‘yes’. “What?” Magnus asked, knowing what he had heard, but asking for the fun of it.

“Yes” Alec repeated, slightly louder.

“Yes what?” Magnus teased. He was being mean, he knew it, but he did enjoy it.

Alec swallowed and gripped the t-shirt even tighter. “Yes, I want to get into bed with you”

Magnus kept on tracing the winged tattoo on his chest, looking at Alec who avoided eye contact. “What's the magic word?” he added, pushing it, but it was what he had said Alec would have to do when they first met.

Alec went silent for a few seconds again, his breathing was a little heavier now. “Please” he finally said.

Leaning in, Magnus very softly kissed the little dip where his neck met his chest. “Please what?”

Alec let out a sound that was a mix of frustration and maybe something a little more pleasant. “Are you really making me?” Alec asked, making Magnus pull back and their eyes met for the first time since Magnus had handed him the t-shirt.

“No, I am not making you do anything” Magnus started, sounding as serious as he was.

“You are making me beg”

Magnus let go of Alec’s trousers then and took a step back. “I thought you might want to, but if not, then no, in fact.. if you don’t want to, you can sit.. feel at home” Magnus smiled, wondering if he was actually right about this, not minding this test.

Alec looked at him and then at the bed and back at Magnus again and he could swear he looked a little disappointed “Really?”

“You don’t have to ask, I said you can make yourself at home” Magnus walked over to the side of his bed and got on himself and shifted to sit in the middle, leaning back against the pillow-covered headboard, half sitting- half laying down.

Alec followed him with his eyes, but he didn’t move.

“You don’t have to either, you can come and sit or we could go downstairs? Watch some tv or a film?”

“No” Alec answered almost before Magnus had finished his sentence.

“Then, come on” Magnus smiled and patted the spot next to himself.

Alec played with the fabric of the t-shirt between his fingers, but stayed still.

“Hey sweetie, are you ok?” Magnus asked, Alec looked like he was trying to make himself smaller.

Alec nodded and finally moved, walking over to the side of the bed but then stop again.

Magnus looked up at him, once again taken back with how beautiful he actually was. “I am sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable” Magnus tried, thinking he had maybe got Alec wrong all along.

“Please” Alec chewed on his lower lip.

Magnus looked up at him. No, he had been spot on.

Alec still chewed on his lip and looked down at his hands “Can I get on the bed with you.. please?”

Had this not been something that Alec had looked so nervous about, he might have toyed with him a little. Magnus guessed that this was probably the first time Alec had actually experienced this side of himself, so he quickly nodded. “Of course you can love, come here!” He smiled lovingly and again patted the spot next to himself and watched as Alec climbed onto the high bed. Leaving the t-shirt on the bedside table, Alec shifter over and to Magnus’ surprise, he moved all the way over to him and wrapped one arm around his waist and hid his face against the crock of his neck. Magnus was absolutely positive that his heart was going to melt, or that it would beat out of his chest. Moving his hand to cup the back of Alec’s head, Magnus brushed his fingers through his almost dry hair and let his fingertips gently massage the scalp. Alec was taller than him, but he acted like he was smaller.

“I’m sorry” Alec mumbled against his neck, his warm breath making Magnus’ skin tingle.

“Sorry? about what?” Magnus closed his eyes, relaxing. He could get used to this.

“I dunno.. I should have just done it right away” Alec was basically whispering, but he was so close now that Magnus had no problem hearing him.

“Don’t be, I only wanted you to do it if you wanted to do it”

“I did” Alec spoke so softly “I don’t know why”

Magnus smiled to himself without opening his eyes “There could be a million reasons.. I am sort of hoping its one of the kinkier ones.. We’ll find out”

Alec pulled his signature move of going silent while Magnus played with his hair.

“Is this new to you?”

Alec tightened his hold on him a little and slowed his breathing “Having to beg?”

“No, I mean cuddling” Magnus let his hand move down Alec’s back, tracing his spine.

Again he was going silent, but by now Magnus was getting used to him taking some time to answer questions. Finally he nodded “Am I doing it wrong?” Alec asked, and this time it was hardly a whisper. If Magnus had thought his heart was going to melt earlier, he feared it might break now.

“No, Alexander” Magnus shifted a little over “look at me”.

Alec shifted a little as well and pulled back enough to look at him, his eyes shining with doubt.

“I know I am complimenting you a lot and circle the subject of my bed to the point where you might get the impression that I just want to sleep with you, but I meant what I said last time. I think I could really like you.. I think I might already do a little. I only asked because you honestly didn’t seem like the type.” Reaching up, Magnus brushed some stray hairs back from Alec’s face.

Alec nodded and then cuddled close again. “I waited for you for hours you know”

“What?” Magnus went back to brushing his fingers against his back, mapping out the scars and other uneven parts that broke with the smoothness of his skin.

“Last time, when I came back.. I waited for hours” Alec spoke softly “I came back other times too, you were never home”

Magnus had to bite his own lip to not let out any sound at that “I’m sorry”

“It’s ok” Alec’s short nails were scraping against the skin in his reach, sending goosebumps up Magnus’ side “I only said it so you’d know that I think I might like you too”

Magnus was sure his heart skipped a beat “If we’re being honest.. I looked for you the last two weeks too” he smiled. “I’m glad I found you again”

Alec went silent, but it was a comfortable silence with him and Magnus never felt like he needed to break it.

“Can you stay the night?” Magnus found himself asking a few minutes later.

Alec pulled a little back for the second time and looked at him, he looked nothing like himself from the ally earlier. “I’m kind of tired”

“Yes?” Magnus tried to read his expressions and failed.

“I don’t think I’m up for..it”

Magnus frowned slightly and then smiled when he understood where he was going “I meant that you could stay the night like this, just cuddling”.

Alec nodded slowly, Magnus was unsure if he even knew himself that he did “So, that's ok?”

“If it was up to me, we’d stay here and cuddle until we both feel asleep.. so I could wake up and cuddle you tomorrow as well” Magnus confirmed as he reached up and stroke the back of his fingers gently against his cheek.

Alec leaned into his touch and some of the doubt in his eyes seemed to fade. “I want it to be up to you then”

“Yeah?” Magnus realised just with how happy he was by that response, that yes, he must already like Alec a lot more than he had admitted to himself. “But if we’re gonna stay like this until we fall asleep, can we maybe get a little less dressed?”

Alec nodded and the moved closer and gave Magnus a small kiss. It was over almost before it started, so before Magnus had the time to take in what happened and return the kiss Alec had already pulled back. Magnus watched as Alec rolled over on his back and then lifted his hips off the bed while he undid his trousers and started pulling them down. Being a fair bit more dressed than Alec, Magnus actually took the time to get up and out of bed before he started undressing. He considered removing the makeup he was wearing, but he didn’t feel like going downstairs now, and he didn’t feel like showing Alec what he looked like without it yet. Leaving his clothes in a pile on the floor, Magnus removed his rings and necklaces and left them on the bedside table.

“You look really good”

Magnus looked over at Alec who had gotten under the covers and looked at him with those big hazel eyes of his. “Thank you.. I would be really disappointed if you didn’t at least like what you saw a little” Magnus said with a smile as he got back onto the bed and under the covers, shifting over towards Alec.

Alec shifted closer as well, meeting Magnus half way. “I like it a lot” Alec replied, sounding as sweet as he looked.

Magnus rolled over on his back and enjoyed the feeling of Alec’s warm skin as he pulled up against him. Alec snuggled up as close as was probably humanly possible as they tangled their legs up with each others and Magnus closed his eyes. “Mhm.. perfect” Magnus hummed and went back to playing with Alec’s hair like before, his other tracing out small patterns on Alec’s arm. He had pictured something a little more steamy happening when he first got Alec into bed, but he truly didn’t mind this. Magnus was confused by the guy, from the very first second he had laid his eyes on him his mind switched between wanting to rip his clothes of and have his wicked way with him, cuddling, protecting and giving him the world.. and running away. He was far from a saint himself, he didn’t actually live a life that agreed with the laws or even social guidelines, but he suspected Alec might be more in the middle of it. Magnus told himself how crazy he was for doing this. He had just found Alec bloody in an ally that two others had run from after shots had been fired, Alec hadn’t even looked bothered - and Magnus had brought him back to his place?!

Alec’s breathing was getting heavier and Magnus suspected that he was falling asleep. It still wasn’t too late, but it was ok. Kissing Alec’s hair he moved a little to get a bit more comfortable and tried to relax. He could talk to Alec tomorrow and try to find out more, he had to work for one of the families - meaning, he could also ask Raphael or maybe Simon, one of them had to have heard of the guy. As long as Alec didn’t kill him in his sleep, it would have to wait until tomorrow though.


	4. Good Morning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Characters in this chapter that are mentioned by their nickname and who they are:**  
>  Deathrow = Jace  
> Teddy = (made up)
> 
>  **Explaining:**  
>  MPV = Magnus' Point of View  
> APV = Alec's Point of View  
> —— = Time jump

**APV**

Alec tried to open his eyes, but the room was so brightly lit that he instantly closed them again and grunted from the discomfort. It took his brain as much as a minute to remember where he was and who he was with. Trying to blink quickly a few times, he quickly gave up and kept his eyes closed. Did Magnus ever drink? It had been nice to go to bed in this room with the night sky and the light from the city, but now with the light coming in from every angle? Waking up here with a hangover had to be a nightmare.

“Good morning sunshine” Magnus’ voice came from behind him. Alec must have rolled over in his sleep and was now lying with his back against the other man.

“Morning” Alec mumbled back, sounding a lot less cheery and awake. His skin tingled as Magnus’ arm snuck around his waist and he felt his body pressing up against his back.

Alec smiled as he felt an almost feather like kiss against the back of his neck. It was nice and made up for all the light that filled the room, making everything a little more tolerable. “Have you..” Alec stopped and cleared his throat, he must have slept for a long time “have you been awake long?”

“A little while” Magnus replied, his lips brushing against his skin when he spoke.

They lay there for a while in silence, Magnus was moving his hand over his stomach, tracing circles around Alec’s bellybutton.

Trying to blink his eyes open again, Alec whimpered softly.

“What’s wrong?” Magnus sounded worried.

“Nothing” Alec replied honestly, it wasn’t wrong per se “It’s just very bright for my eyes”

Magnus chuckled at that and pushed himself half way up and reached for something. Alec didn’t know what it was, as he still didn’t want to open his eyes, but a few seconds later Magnus laid back down again and a soft humming sound filled the room. It didn’t take long before Alec could feel the shadows creep over his face and he tried to open his eyes again. When he did he saw roller blinders electronically lowering down over every window, making the room go from very bright to almost fully dark in less 30 seconds.

“Better?” Magnus asked as he reached around him again, his fingertips now following the waistline of his boxer, tickling his skin.

“Much” Alec admitted and blinked his eyes a few times, relieved to not feel the sting of pain from the light. He might be young, but his eyes seemed to have already grown shy of bright light.

Tucking his left hand up under the pillow, Alec lay there and let himself slowly wake up.

“I’m glad I could help” Magnus started “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable, Cookie”

Alec huffed “Cookie?”

“No?” Magnus chuckled again “Pumpkin?”

“I dunno” Alec smiled.

“Hmm.. Cutie Pie? Muffin?”

Alec bit his lip, but couldn’t help but let a small smile tug at his lips. “It’s all food related, maybe you are just hungry?”

“Maybe I am a little peckish” Magnus replied and then started nibbling at side of Alec’s neck. Magnus hand moved further down and the feeling of his fingers against his clothed 80% made Alec shudder. He wanted to say something, say something witty as a comeback, but his member twitched from the welcoming touch and Alec clenched his teeth together to not let out any embarrassing sounds.

“Someone is awake” Magnus said and Alec could feel him smiling and himself blush. Trying to breath through his nose, he closed his eyes as Magnus moved his hand slowly up and down over his boxer, making him grow fully erect. Alec’s heart was beating quickly in his chest, hard enough that he was worried Magnus would actually feel or even hear it. Without registering that he was doing it himself, Alec bucked his hips forward into the touch. He wanted it so bad, like it was a basic need in his system- so when Magnus pulled his hand back and away, Alec couldn’t help but whimper sadly.

“Do you want this?” Magnus sounded like he was enjoying this as he kept on kissing and nibbling at his neck, and now, not touching him.

Alec tried to shift his body to move towards Magnus’ hand that now rested up on his hip.

“Do you?” Magnus repeated and Alec nodded, keeping his eyes closed. Magnus hummed and he moved his hand so he was almost touching him, but just almost. “Then tell me, ask me to do what you want Pumpkin”

Alec tried to relax, but all the muscles in his back and arms were tensing up. He was kind of glad he had his back against Magnus now and that the room was dark again. “I..” it felt like the words were growing in his mouth, it was so strange to have to say it, to ask for it. He could easily reach down himself, but he wanted this, he wanted it to be Magnus and he wanted to ask for it. “I want you to.. touch me” The last two words came out a lot more quietly than he would have wanted them to.

“And what was the magic word?” Magnus was smiling, now Alec didn’t feel it, he could hear it in his voice.

This time he didn’t hesitate though. “Please..” he swallowed “Magnus, touch me.. please”.

As soon as he had asked, Magnus moved his hand again and pressed it flat against his stomach before it slipped down under the waistband and fabric of his boxer. Alec gasped as Magnus’ palm and fingers rubbed against the head of his cock, feeling the wet pre-cum being smeared against the other’s hand. Thrusting his hips forward, Alec whimpered again. He needed this and reached back, fisting his hand into the fabric of Magnus’ boxer. The nibbling on his neck turned in to more determined bites when Magnus finally wrapped his fingers around his cock and started stroking him. It was almost painfully slow though and Alec tried to thrust his hips forward into his hand.

“Please Magnus” Alec tried, hoping Magnus understood that he needed more.

Magnus laughed and then sunk his teeth deep into the soft skin where his neck met his shoulder as he started moving his hand faster. Moaning loudly, Alec had no way of holding it back. His mouth stayed slightly open as his breathing came out heavier and quicker. It felt like the skin was breaking under Magnus teeth, but Alec loved it and tried to stretch his neck, welcoming it. It hurt, but in a good way and he could feel his cock throb in the tight grip of Magnus’ hand as he stroke him. With every few strokes, Magnus would tighten and loosen the grip at just the right moments and run his thumb over the sensitive head of his cock. Magnus pressed up firmer against him and Alec could feel Magnus’ erection press against his cheeks, making his breath hitch. There were two thin layers of fabric between them, but that was not enough to leave anything to the imagination. Surprising himself, Alec pushed back against him and was instantly rewarded by Magnus moaning. The sound of him was the hottest thing Alec could remember ever hearing and it was like the sound sent electrical waves through his body to his aching cock. Wanting to hear it again, Alec rolled his hips while pushing back against him again.

“Fuck” Magnus moaned against his neck and Alec gasped as Magnus once again bit into him hard. He was getting close now, he could feel a warmth build in his stomach.

“MAGNUS?”

Alec gasped and his eyes shot open at the sound of someone else.

“MAGNUS, ARE YOU UP?” The voice came from right downstairs.

“Shh..baby, it’s just someone who work for me, he won’t come up” Magnus hushed and Alec bit his lower lip hard to try to stay quiet as Magnus didn’t stop or even slow down.

“GIVE ME FIVE MINUTES” Magnus called out and went back to kissing Alec’s neck like nothing had happened. Alec knew he should stop, but he didn’t want to. When Magnus rolled his hips, pressing up against him again, Alec was shocked by his own action as he lifted his leg up to allow Magnus better access and friction. Magnus answered by falling into a perfect rhythm of stroking him and rubbing against him, pressing his cock between his clothed cheeks. His lower stomach felt like it was burning and he pushed into Magnus hand and back against his cock, strangely loving the feeling of it. Biting his lower lip so hard he could taste blood, Alec let out a desperate sob as he realised he wouldn’t be able to stay quiet when he came, but not wanting whoever was downstairs to hear him.

Almost like he had read his mind, Magnus other arm pushed under his body and up around him and he tightly covered his mouth. The partly cutting off of air gave Alec a promised silence but also made his head spin blissfully from not being able to get enough of it. “Come for me” Magnus’ voice sounded firm, like it he demanded it and it was the only thing Alec needed. His entire body shook as hot white pleasure exploding through his body and his eyes rolled back. His cries were silenced by Magnus’ to the point where he almost choked on his own breath. He couldn’t think or feel anything but Magnus for the few seconds his climax lasted and when he finally started coming down, all Alec could do was gasp for air.

Magnus kissed his now sore neck and let go of him before he started to pull away, Alec barely registered it as he lay still panting. He didn’t think he had ever felt anything like it before, and it had just been Magnus’ hand.

“I’m sorry, I will have to leave you for maybe twenty minutes” Magnus had gotten up and had pulled on a purple robe. Alec nodded absentmindedly, shivering a little now. “Thirty tops” Magnus made a face, but Alec just nodded again, he probably needed a thirty minute nap.

Looking up at Magnus, Alec rolled over on his back and tried to slow his breathing. Feeling the bed move he turned his head and looked at Magnus who now sat on the edge.

“It’s ok” Alec tried, thinking he maybe wanted a confirmation.

“Good” Magnus smiled and leaned down and kissed him. Alec returned it, though somewhat sloppy as he felt exhausted and even controlling his lips felt like hard work. Magnus chuckled when he pulled back and placed a small kiss at the tip of Alec’s nose. “ok HunnyBunny.. don’t you dare go anywhere.”

Alec with much difficulty lifted his hand and traced out a cross on his chest “cross my heart” he tried to smile and blinked slowly.

“Ok, see you in a bit” Magnus smiled and got up. Alec closed his eyes and before Magnus had probably reached the stairs, he had fallen asleep again.

——

Alec woke and sat up in bed abruptly at a loud sound. It took him a second, but he quickly realised that it was his phone and scrambled over to the edge of the bed and reached down on the floor to pick up his trousers and get his phone out of the pocket. ‘Deathrow’ flashed across the screen and Alec pressed the green button to pick up as he let himself fall back onto the bed again. The now dry cum on his stomach made it feel like his skin was stretching slightly when it wasn’t, what had come on his boxers still felt wet.

“Yeah?” Alec said, shivering a little.

“Where are you mate?” Jace sounded almost relieved.

Alec licked his lips, they felt dry “I’m with someone”

“Who?”

Alec didn’t feel like telling, not yet, because he didn’t know what he could say. “Doesn’t matter.. what do you want, I was sleeping”

Jace huffed like he was insulted he wasn’t let in on who Alec was with, but he got over it quickly. “We found Teddy! well, Luke just called and said he found him, I’m heading there now to meet him, he has been holding up right outside the border”

Alec made a face to himself “Good..” rubbing the bridge of his nose “What did Izzy say?”

“She said it was up to you”

Alec tried to rake his brain, trying to remember who they actually were talking about, they were always looking for people. “Teddy, what did he do? I’m too tired..”

Jace was silent for a few seconds “Theodore I think his name is, did security, downtown, it’s the guy with the kids”

Alec felt sick to his stomach as he remembered “Bring me his head.”

“Figure of speech?”

“Literally” Alec replied, his voice cold.

“Good, I hoped you would say that” Jace sounded determined “I’ll text you when it's done”.

“Good. Was that all?” Alec spread out his legs and his free arm like a starfish, looking up at the ceiling.

“Well, unless you want to tell me who you are with?” It was amazing how quickly Jace could change subjects.

Alec let out a snort and shook his head, even if Jace couldn’t see that. “No, I don’t want to tell”

“But it’s someone?” Jace kept on pushing.

“Everyone is someone” Alec couldn't help but smile.

Now it was Jace turn to add sound effects to the conversation and he huffed “You know what I mean, it’s not a mate or work.. it’s a guy guy?”

“I don’t know what you mean” Alec smiled.

“Fuck you Lightwood, you know what I mean.. must have been some night, you never spend the night”

Alec wiggled his toes, it had been an amazing night, but not in the way Jace thought. “Have you been spying on me?”

“Izzy told me..” Jace admitted.

“Well, I don’t know what this is yet so I’m not telling”

“Oh” Jace sounded more excited than was probably justified for this conversation “so it could be something, a thing and not just bow-chicka-bow-wow?”

Alec rolled his eyes, but he felt a slight tingle in his chest at the thought “I am hanging up now”

“Oh come on, tell! tell! tell!”

Alec ignored Jace’s chanting for him to tell and just hung up, smiling as he did.

He didn’t know how long he had been asleep or how long until Magnus might come back, but he wasn’t tired anymore. Staying on his back in the middle of the bed he instead went through his messages and sending a few, including one to Izzy to tell her to stop giving Jace information on when he came and went at night, adding a winking emoji, because he wasn’t actually mad.

——

Alec had maybe waited for ten minutes when he heard someone coming up the stairs, sitting up he saw Magnus climb the last few steps before walking over towards the bed.

“You are still here” Magnus smiled.

“You sound surprised”

Magnus kept the smile on his face as he came over to the foot of the bed and then climbed on and over towards Alec, moving almost cat likes, his eyes doing nothing to change that image. Climbing over him, Magnus straddled him and leaned in, pressing his lips softly against Alec’s that now felt sore and swollen. “You were gone last time, I couldn’t be sure” Magnus bit his own lip as he rested both his hands agains’t Alec’s chest.

“You told me I had to stay this time” Alec put his phone down on the bed and moved his hands up Magnus’ thighs under the robe.

Magnus nodded “that I did” he said and wiggling slightly on the spot, almost like he needed to get that half an inch closer to Alec. “And I must admit, I have found I do really enjoy it when you do what I tell you” he purred and rubbed his hands against Alec’ while grinning widely.

Alec lowered his eyes for a second, breaking eye contact. He couldn’t understand it, but the idea of Magnus telling him what he could and couldn’t do made his stomach and lower parts of him tingle. He didn’t say anything though, one thing was to do it in the heat of the moment and to admit it to himself, another was to say it out loud.

“You look really beaten up today” Magnus said suddenly, changing the subject. Alec looked back at him just as Magnus reached up and very softly cupped the side of his face, looking a little concerned.

Alec knew, he could tell that the shithead from the Morgenstern family that had crossed into their borders yesterday had got in a few punches before he ran off. His face felt slightly sore, his nose and jaw mostly. “Is it really bad”

Magnus shook his head slowly, but Alec had a feeling he was trying to be nice and therefore not being completely honest. “What I left look beautiful though”

“You?” Alec lifted one eyebrow in question “you are not to blame for this” he said and massaged Magnus’ thighs.

Magnus smiled as he spoke “Some of it I am” and moved his hand down and brushed his fingers against Alec’s neck, which when touched felt sore. Alec flinched slightly, but in a fucked up way he kind of enjoyed it. It wasn’t like his face, which was sore too. It wasn’t the pain he liked, it was where it came from and how it happened.

Alec reached up and tried to feel it himself, there were no bumps or bruising that he could feel, maybe a tare in the skin. “Is it very visible?” he asked concerned. He wasn’t sure he liked the idea of everyone seeing it.

Magnus nodded this time, he was smiling again, almost proudly. “It is” he leaned down and kissed Alec’s fingers that covered the abused area of his neck. “But when you want it to hurt, it will always show” Magnus purred before pulling back and looking at Alec with a devious look on his face.

Alec blushed furiously and lowered his eyes, he was sure he could actually feel the heat radiate of his face.

Magnus chuckled “aww, is my little puppy embarrassed about liking it rough?”

His tone of voice and the nickname he chose to use did nothing to stop Alec blushing.

Magnus grabbed his jaw firmly and forced him to look up, and Alec tried his best to stay calm and lessen his blushing. “You shouldn’t be embarrassed, you should embrace it” Magnus murmured, leaning in and nibbling at Alec’s lower lip between the words. Alec whimpered a little from how sore his lips felt, he must have been right about tasting blood earlier. “you should let me have you moaning and trembling like you did every morning”

Alec gasped, moving both hands to Magnus’ thighs and hips again, digging his short nails into his skin. It didn’t go unnoticed that Magnus spoke like this might become a regular thing either.

Magnus shifted between nibbling and almost soothingly licking and kissing Alec’s lips as he spoke. “And with the way you teased this morning, maybe I’ll be lucky enough that you’ll let me claim you one day”

“Claim me?” Alec’s voice was trembling when he spoke now. He was pretty sure he knew what Magnus meant, but not being sure he wanted it conformed. Closing his eyes he felt a rush of blood through his body and it felt like it was all heading the same place.

“Mhm” Magnus stayed so close that Alec could feel his hot breath against his skin with every word. “The way you were pressing that cute little butt of yours against me earlier made me want to make you mine” Magnus voice was steady as he spoke, in comparison to Alec’s.

Alec had never really allowed himself to think about bottoming. He had told Magnus that he didn’t do it, but Magnus acted like he knew something Alec himself didn’t. In the circles him and his family was in, it was acceptable to be bisexual and gay, but everything was about power and reputations. It had been made clear to him as soon as he came out that it would hurt the family and their reputation if it came out that he had ‘let someone fuck him’ as they crudely put it. ‘Nobody will respect us if you spread your legs for someone lesser than you, which is everyone’ he had cruelly been told by closer family member than what had been comfortable.

Magnus must have noticed that Alec’s mind had gone somewhere else for a second, because he kissed his cheek and whispered. “Don’t worry Muffin, I want it, but I won’t take it unless it's offered to me”.

Alec kept his eyes closed and his hands under Magnus’ robe, gripping him tightly. “I want you to” Alec spoke, and found that he actually meant it. It was scary, but the effect Magnus’ words and his own thoughts about it had on his cock had to mean that he truly wanted it.

“No” Magnus spoke softly, but it didn’t help. It felt like a rejection to Alec, and it was. Opening his eyes, Alec saw that Magnus had pulled just enough back for their eyes to meet.

“Why not?” He heard himself ask, the words coming out without him meaning them too.

“I am not going to do it now.. I want you to be sure you want it” Magnus smiled “And I can feel why you are saying yes now” Magnus added and wiggled his hips, pressing down against Alec’s erection though the covers, making Alec moan. “It’s that guy talking now, and I want it to be this guy” Magnus said, placing his hand against Alec’s chest.

“Maybe it’s both” Alec replied stubbornly, hearing how childish he sounded himself.

Magnus shook his head “no, when it's this guy” he said and drummed his fingers gently against his chest “you’ll crave it, the idea of me not pushing into you and claiming you as mine will make you feel like you can’t breathe” he slowly rocked his hips over him, making Alec struggle to focus “and if you never feel that, then maybe I am not the right person and not meant to have you”.

“You are” Alec said without thinking. He had never felt like this before, he didn’t care if they didn’t really know each other and he didn’t care that they had hardly spent any time together. The time they had spent together was probably the best he had spent doing anything, ever.

Magnus chuckled, Alec didn’t know if it was because of what he said or the most likely very daze look in his eyes. “I don’t think you think straight now.. Maybe you want some help with this?” Magnus pressed down over him and again Alec felt like a blurry filter had been pulled down over the world around him.

“But, you already did” Alec gasped.

“So?” Magnus leaned in and kissed him.

“I, owe, you” Alec got one word out between every kiss.

Magnus huffed “Bullshit” and Alec frowned. “What I did this morning, I did because I wanted you to feel good.. and now I am offering to help you for the same reason” Magnus pushed away and got off him. Alec instantly missed the weight of his body, but also the wonderful friction it had caused when he moved over him. “I don’t do this so you’ll owe me anything” Magnus added and grabbed the covers and pulled them away and pushed them off the bed “I just selfishly want you.

Alec didn’t move, he didn’t know what he was supposed to do.

“So let me spoil you a little” Magnus said as he moved down to the foot of the bed and grabbed a hold of Alec’s ankles and pulled him down. Magnus showed his strength as Alec was pulled down flat on his back again. Letting out a surprised yelp as he was, not having expected it.

“Magnus” Alec started was interrupted.

“Tell me no if you don’t want it, but if that’s not the case” Magnus reached up and grabbed a hold of the waistband of his boxers “don’t say anything, but lift you hips for me”

Alec nodded and licked his lips as he did as he was told and lifted his hips. The second he did, Magnus lifted the waistband up and pulled his boxers down and off him, freeing his throbbing erection. Alec had expected he would feel a little weird about being completely naked when Magnus wasn’t, but the pleased groan that Magnus let out when he looked at him made him feel wanted instead. Again, without thinking to much, Alec spread his legs and pulled his knees up, pushing the soles of his feet into the bed. He felt exposed, but also excited as he wiggled his hips a little and have Magnus a shy smile.

“You little tease” Magnus moaned as he pulled off his robe and threw it off the bed before he leaned down. While maintaining eye contact with Alec, he run his tongue from the root of his cock and up the entire length. Alec shivered and grabbed a hold of the sheets with both hands.

Alec imagined he must taste of sweat and cum from earlier, but Magnus didn’t seem to mind as he kept on licking and sloppily kissing his still growing cock. Shifting a little, Magnus moved further down, he turned his attention to other parts of Alec. Feeling drunk with need, Alec bucked his hips a little up but gasped as he felt Magnus wet tongue pressed flat against his hole. Closing his eyes and tensing up, Alec gripped the sheet tighter. The feeling was new and weird, but strangely pleasant as he licked the sensitive area and pressing the top of his tongue against his opening. It took a little while, but slowly Alec started to relax again and enjoy the feeling. Not long after, Magnus pulled away and the tongue was replaced with a wet finger that slowly pushed against his entrance. It was just one finger, but Alec instantly tensed and clenched hard around the intruding finger.

“Alexander, you need to breath” Magnus voice was calm and his tone soft when he spoke. Alec opened his mouth and gasped, not even having realised that he had been holding his breath. Trying to breath, Alec nodded to himself, like he was trying to tell himself that he could do it. Magnus didn’t move his hand, instead he left a wet trail of kisses on the inside of his thigh, seeming to wait for Alec to relax. It took longer than Alec would like to admit but he managed to relax enough for Magnus to start to move the finger that was pushed inside of him. It wasn’t exactly uncomfortable, but it was hard to stay relaxed. After a while, Alec got used the finger pulling out and pushing back into him and found himself pushing a little back onto it. That must have been what Magnus waited for, because the finger was pulled out not long after that and Alec felt strangely empty until the one finger was being replaced by two.

It hurt, the first hadn’t, but two did. Alec whimpered and bit his lip again, the pain from how sore it was helped by give him a distraction from the sting of being forced open. He didn’t clench as hard though, so Magnus was slowly pushing his fingers into him until they were fully buried inside him. Once he had, he stopped and Alec was trying his best to adjust to the new intruder. Magnus shifted and moved about, but Alec didn’t open his eyes- just concentrated on breathing, which quickly turned into needy moans as Magnus finger from his free hand curled around his cock and Magnus took him into his mouth. The wet warm mouth around his cock was almost enough to take his attention away from the two fingers inside him and Alec felt his legs shake slightly. Magnus started bobbing his head over him, stroking him in time with his movements and hungrily taking as much as he could of Alec into his mouth. Bucking his hips up in desperation, Alec pulled away from Magnus fingers and then pressed down against them again- shivering, and it didn’t hurt. Magnus hummed around his cock which sent small vibrations down his length as he started to move his fingers in and out of Alec who had to admit to himself that he liked this better than he had expected.

Alec pulled at the sheets and cried out in pleasure as Magnus brushed against something inside of him. He had heard people talking about it, seen it but nothing could have prepared him for the feeling. Arching his back he parted his legs wider and gasped “Please, please, Magnus”. Magnus hummed in reply and just seconds later he had found the bundle of nerves inside of him. It was too much for Alec as his cock pressed against the back of Magnus throat and his fingers kept of finding that spot over and over again. Sinfully, Alec pushed back onto the fingers before thrusting up into the welcoming mouth as he felt a pressure building quickly in the pit of his stomach. Moaning Magnus’ name, the familiar feeling of burning fire spread though his lower stomach and Alec knew he was close to coming.

“I’m gonna.. I’m, please I need..fuck” Unable to form the words, Alec grunted as his toes curled and for the second time that day felt the wave of pleasure wash over him. Emptying himself down Magnus’ throat, Alec cried out his name as jolts of electricity shot through him, draining him of what little energy he had left. Stretching his legs out, Alec was shaking when Magnus slowly pulled his fingers all the way out of him and lifted his head. He wished his climaxes would last longer, but at the same time he didn’t think he would survive them if they did. Breathing shakily he let go of the sheets as Magnus moved over him and then laid down on top of him.

“You are amazing” Alec panted as he looked at him, still shivering.

“And you taste amazing” Magnus purred and moved a bit to be able to reach his lips.

Magnus’s lips were swollen and tasted salty and slightly bitter. Lifting his arms, Alec wrapped them around Magnus’s waist and blinked slowly as he licked his lips, tasting himself on them. “Yeah.. that not the worst I’ve tasted”

Magnus laughed at that and rested his head against his shoulder and the pillow “15 minutes rest and then we should get up, you are probably hungry”.

Taking a deep breath, Alec nodded “I could eat”. Ghostly running his fingers up and down Magnus’ back, he closed his eyes. He could feel Magnus’ heartbeat against his chest and felt his breath against his neck as the other man stayed still on top of him. He felt at peace here, like he truly belonged.


	5. Mine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning for this chapter: Sexual explicit content.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Characters in this chapter that are mentioned by their nickname and who they are:**  
>  Angel = Alec  
> Doll = Izzy  
> Kitty = Clary 
> 
> **Explaining:**  
>  MPV = Magnus' Point of View  
> APV = Alec's Point of View  
> —— = Time jump  
> 

**MPV**

Another two weeks had passed since Magnus had ‘found’ Alec again in the alley around the corner from where he lived. They had stayed in bed longer than the 15 minutes Magnus had said and then gotten up for a late lunch. Alec had spent a few hours there before having had to run. Since then they had met almost every day, for lunch or even dinner. Alec had been busy though, and all time they had spent together was limited to the exact thing they had planned to do. The two times Alec had slept over he had showed up 3 and 4am and crawled into bed, exhausted, and by the time Magnus had woken up in the morning Alec had been gone again. He had got gold stars added to his name though, having both times asked if he could come into bed, even if Magnus wouldn’t have demanded he did when he was as tired as he had been. Magnus had seen Alec from a distance at a club in the city centre one night over the weekend as well. Alec had been talking with someone Magnus knew worked for the Lightwood family, and his concerns about Alec working for them was all but confirmed there and then. Magnus had decided against bringing it up or making an issue out of it though. He liked Alec too much and had reached the point where he felt giddy from something as small as getting a ‘good morning’ texts from him.

——

“I don’t like this” Raphael leaned back in the big Victorian chair in his flat. He had called Magnus over for an urgent meeting, and it had turned out to actually be urgent this time.

Magnus pushed his thumb and forefinger against his forehead, massaging the area just above his eyebrows as he listened to Raphael explain.

“I know that you, that both of us want the Lightwoods to pay for what they did to us” Raphael went on “But with this new information about what the Morgenstern family is not just letting happen, but taking part in, I can’t with a clear consciousness tear at the only thing keeping that family from taking full control of my city”.

“And you are sure that this is actually going on?” Magnus was grasping at straws. Of course Raphael was sure, he had eyes and ears on every corner of the city.

Raphael nodded slowly, there was a calmness about him that Magnus hadn’t experienced in anyone before or since they had met all those years ago.

“Are you saying that the Lightwoods are the good guys now?” There was something in Magnus’ tone that he couldn’t even recognise himself. A hint of disbelief and mockery maybe.

“No, but there are shades. We are a light grey, the Lightwoods are a dark grey but the Morgensterns” Raphael paused “It’s looking pitch black”

Magnus was about to speak up when Simon entered the room. The younger man was dressed in only a pair of stonewashed jeans and mismatching socks and carried a bottle of water in his hand.

“You could have got dressed before you joined us” Raphael said in a dry tone as he looked over at his lover.

“Get undressed, get dressed, get undressed again..” Simon waved his hand dismissively as he sat down on a footstool and smiled, addressing Magnus next “He is impossible to please”.

Magnus returned the smile. Simon could be hopeless at times, but was also rather amusing.

“As I was saying” Raphael ignored Simon who blew him a kiss which was not returned “I have no problem with light grey, I can even live with dark grey but I can not live with pitch black. The Lightwoods are losing ground which can be traced back to the information that we are proving the police with and with every street corner they are losing, the Morgensterns are gaining”

Magnus leaned back in his chair and nodded as Raphael talked. He had not wanted this, he hadn’t wanted to end up in the middle, which he now had.

“I know of your hatred for the family runs as deep as mine, but do we honestly want the Morgensterns to step in and take control of the city after finding out about this?” Raphael for all his faults had a way of cutting through the bullshit.

“I don’t want either of them to run this city” Magnus answered.

“I may be speaking out of turn here” Simon started “but, the Morgensterns are monsters”

“The Lightwoods are monsters too” Magnus added.

“Maybe” Simon wasn’t finished making his point “but there seem to be reason to what they are doing. The people I spent any sort of time with that work closely with the siblings seem to have their heads screwed on right. Like, this guy Luke, he is downright friendly and considerate, no way he is pimping out babies or anything. Nothing I have seen or heard while in the company of the Lightwood’s minions or whatever can compare to what Raphael has heard about the Morgen-wankers. What they are doing is slavery and mass murder”

Magnus shook his head “The Lightwoods are not exactly saint either though”.

“No, tell me about it” Simon was squeezing the water bottle, the plastic making an uncomfortable squeaky noise “The brother, Angel, a few weeks back he had a head delivered. A human head! In a box, like in the film.. you know the one. With the serial killer that has killed all those people in those fucked up ways and then they are in the middle of nowhere, the two policemen and him and that delivery van comes with the box.. and the policeman is like, what’s in the box? Like that, Angel got a box with a fucking human head in it”

“You saw this?” Raphael sounded almost concerned.

Simon shook his head “I heard. He has a reputation of being rather brutal, but that’s beyond fucked up”.

“I don’t see why we wouldn’t want someone who gets human heads delivered on request out of the way” Magnus felt sick “And how can anyone who does that be referred to as ‘Angel’?”

“His face” Simon stated.

“His face?” Magnus gave him a confused look.

“He has the face of an angel” Simon explained “I’ve only seen him a few times, but I have to admit that he is b-e-a-utiful. His personality is a bit chilly for my liking though, and thats saying something” he said and nodded his head in Raphael’s direction. ”First time I met him I commented on it. This was after he had a gun pointed at my head for simply walking into the same room as him and his sister, he said something about the devil and how he had been or was an angel..”

“Fitting then” Magnus mumbled.

“He had a gun pointed at your head?” Raphael seemed more concerned about that than the head delivering.

“Mhm” Simon nodded “The sister basically saved me”

Even Magnus who didn’t know Simon all that well could tell by the tone of his voice that he was exaggerating it for effect.

Raphael seemed to relax again, the way Simon talked about it must have made him feel more confident about the brother not actually being a threat to his lover. “So that’s why you have such a massive crush on her?” Raphael gave a rare smile after asking the question.

“You have a crush on the sister?” Magnus chuckled “unlucky”.

Simon fell back dramatically, splaying out over the footstool with his head and one arm hanging over the edge as he exaggerated a dreamy sigh “She is perfect”.

“She is a good looking woman, too bad she is a spawn of Satan” Magnus said dismissively “and aren’t you spoken for Simon?”

“I can have any woman I want, just not men” Simon smiled, staying down.

“He wants several, there is a redhead he has his eyes on as well” Raphael sounded almost bored.

“Kitty” Simon let out another dramatic sigh “don’t get me started.. she is so smart and funny.. and talented”

“We get it” Raphael rolled his eyes.

“She drew me, you know.. I have it on the wall at home” Simon pushed his upper body up and leaned back on his elbows.

Magnus couldn’t understand how Raphael was ok with the way Simon acted and talked or about actually sharing him anyone, but whatever they had work for them. This was not crucial information for their operation though and they didn’t need to be sidetracked like this so Magnus decided not to comment on it.

“That's all well and good, but we need to find a solution to this problem” Magnus said, steering the conversation back on the right track.

“Can we pull out of this deal with the boys in blue?” Raphael asked “or at least put it on hold?”

“I don’t see a way out of it” Magnus admitted “We’ll just have to see how things unfold on Morgenstern’s side of the city and hope that the bad kills the evil or they end up killing each other”

“What about Alaric?” Raphael asked.

“We’ll just have to hold back most of the information for now. We’ll feed him crumbs to keep him off our back in the meantime” Magnus suggested.

“Sounds doable” Raphael agreed.

“Ok, that settles it then” Magnus stood up and put down the now empty glass.

“Are we doing anything about the contract on the siblings?” Raphael asked and stood up as well.

“No” Magnus shook his head “I might agree with you in that removing the Lightwood family is not an option at this point, but if the Morgenstern’s kill the siblings the Lightwood family will station someone else here, it won’t shut them down. I might not help in bringing them down, but I will also not do anything to protect the scum” His tone was cold and Raphael just nodded.

Magnus left not long after and made his way home, deciding to stay in. If he was lucky, Alec would come over and crash for the night. He might just stay for a few hours and all those hours would be spent sleeping, but Magnus slept better when he was there- even if it meant getting up in the middle of the night to let him in.

——

“You have time for me today?”

The text from Alec ticked in on Magnus phone a little past ten. Laying in bed with a glass of wine and a book, Magnus had stuck to his plans on staying in that night.

“Not much of the day is left, I am already in bed. Are you coming over to crash?” He texted back.

“In bed? It's only ten”

“It's ten past ten actually” Magnus texted back and put his book down.

“You are showing your age”

Magnus laughed to himself. They had actually talked the past weeks, which had included them finding out how old the other was. There was seven years between them, which Alec had been surprised to find out, Magnus not so much.

“Are you saying I’m old?”

Alec must actually not be busy, because he answered quicker than he usually did. “Yes, that is what I am saying”

“Why don’t you try to tell me that too my face?” Magnus replied and had a sip of his wine.

“That was the plan, but you still haven’t said that I can come over”

“You mean now?” Magnus smiled, if he came over now it meant they could actually spend some time together.

“Yup”

“You are always welcome” Magnus texted back and then pushed out of bed, if Alec was coming over he might actually freshen up a little.

“20 minutes”

“I’ll come down” Putting the glass down on the bedside table, Magnus headed down the stairs. He knew it was silly, but he wanted to look his best for Alec.

——

Magnus had spent 15 minutes freshening up, just the hair and a little bit of eyeliner, he also for some reason didn’t want it to seem like he had made a massive effort. He had been wearing some comfy trousers and kept them on, but threw on a t-shirt since he was going downstairs.

When he reached the ground floor, Alec still wasn’t there so he went outside to wait, he usually took a taxi over.

Not more than two minutes passed before a matt black McLaren pulled up. The doors on both sides lifted up and on the passenger side a blond good looking man stepped out, from the driver side Alec got out.

“Magnus” Alec lit up as he saw him and Magnus would be lying if he didn’t feel like Alec looked.

“Nice car” Magnus commented and looked at the car, it was no question Alec had money as well.

The blond guy had come around to the driver’s side now and smiled at Magnus “Alec’s boyfriend, meet Alec’s girlfriend” he laughed and patted the roof of the car.

“Shut up Jace” Alec snapped, but there was no anger in his voice.

Jace winked at Magnus before he got into the car and closed the door. Rolling the window down, Jace drummed his fingers against the side of the car.

“Take care of her” Alec said, there was maybe a tad of a genuine warning in his tone now.

“I will” Jace started up the car again while he reached for something. “Hey, Alec..”

“Yeah?”

Jace flicked something out of the car that Alec caught mid air.

“No glove, no love” Jace laughed.

Before Magnus realised it was a condom, Jace had already pulled away and was speeding down the road.

Turning around and shoving the condom into his pocket, Alec had a slight hint of blush on his face “I’m sorry about Jace, he is a dickhead”.

Magnus smiled as he walked over to him and leaned in, kissing him softly, happy about Alec returning it. “Don’t be silly, I’m just happy to see you” Magnus hummed against his lips before pulling back. Grabbing his hand, Magnus pulled Alec into the building and into the lift. Activating the lift with the chip in one of his bracelets, he put in the pin, pressed the button for the top floor and held his finger still until the reader recognised his fingerprint and the lift moved.

“So, I’m your boyfriend?” Magnus smiled as he leaned back against the wall of the lift, looking at Alec.

Alec’s eyes widened and for a second it didn’t look like he knew where to place his hands “I never said that, Jace is just trying to be funny”

Magnus liked to see him squirm a little and pouted as he spoke “So you are saying you don’t want to be my boyfriend”

“I didn’t say that either” Alec had a mix of panic and frustration written all over his face as he spoke and Magnus couldn’t hold back a chuckle.

“I’m just kidding, Pumpkin” Magnus pushed back of the wall as the lift reached his floor.

Alec huffed as he followed him out of the lift and into the flat. “You are mean! Mean and old” Alec mumbled as he closed the door behind them.

After kicking off his shoes, Magnus turned to look at him and smiled “Then what are you doing here?”.

“Maybe I like mean and old” Alec replied, kicking off his own shoes.

“Weirdo” Magnus laughed as he walked backwards into the living room to be able to keep eye contact with Alec who was following him “Have my little weirdo had anything to eat or do you want me to order you something?”

“Please don’t let that name stick, I am fine with all the food names but if you call me your little weirdo, I don’t think I can deal” Alec said and by taking a few quick steps caught up with Magnus and grabbed a hold of him. Stopping him in his track and pulling him close “But I’m not hungry, I already ate”.

“Ok, that's a definite no on ‘my little weirdo’ then” Magnus reached up and buried his hands in Alec’s messy dark hair, pulling his head down enough for their lips to meet for a small kiss. “What do you want to do then, Gorgeous?” Magnus spoke softly, letting their lips brush against each others as he spoke.

“I dunno” Alec chased his lips for another kiss, tightening his hold on him. “I have no preferences..I just missed you” He said, and Magnus could tell he was trembling slightly.

“You missed me?” Moving his hands down, Magnus cupped his face and looked into his eyes, swearing he could have got lost in them.

“Yeah” Alec admitted, not blushing for once.

Magnus brushed his thumbs over Alec’s cheeks and let out a gentle sigh. What could he possibly have done to deserve Alec? “I missed you too” he admitted and leaned in, rubbing his nose against Alec’s. “If you don’t have a preference, maybe we can watch a film and have a cuddle?” Magnus smiled gently.

“Mhm, sounds good” Alec nodded.

——

They had just picked a random film of Netflix, neither of them having been too interested in trying to find something very special. The generic action film held their interest enough for them both to keep on watching, but not enough for them to not chat a little now and then. Magnus was between Alec’s legs and half on top of him as Alec was stretched out on his back on the couch. Resting his head against his chest, Magnus enjoyed how Alec twirled his hair between his fingers absentmindedly as he watched the film.

“I hate how they tilt their gun to the side in all of these films” Alec mumbled “Fine, it looks cool, but you can’t aim for shit when you do that”.

Magnus smiled to himself “I love how you complain about the lack of realism in this overall poorly scripted, written and directed film”

“I’m just saying” Alec said and Magnus could feel that he shook his head slightly “That's supposed to be a Beretta 92FS and he has fired it like 20 times non-stop now. If they aren’t going to get the guns right, they could at least try to make it look believable when they fired their fairytale weapons”

Magnus chuckled and lifted his head to look at him, finding the slightly frustrated look on his face utterly adorable “We don’t have to finish watching it”.

“I know” Alec’s eyes stayed on the screen while ta talked “but we are in too deep now, we need to see him fuck the woman of his choice and beat the bad guy or it would all have been for nothing”.

“It’s not a James Bond film love, it might not go down exactly like that” Magnus found looking at Alec was more interesting than the film now.

Alec made a face “They are all the same, Bond or no Bond”.

“Careful so you don’t explode with all that positivity there, Sunshine” Magnus laughed.

Taking his eyes off the TV, Alec met Magnus eyes and bit his lip. “I am sorry, I didn’t mean to be so negative.. It's just REALLY stupid”

Magnus nodded in understanding. It was sweet and he was happy that Alec was comfortable enough around him to not be on guard about how he acted every second of every minute spent with him.

“Super stupid actually” Alec added and Magnus couldn’t help but laugh at how he didn’t seem to get over it.

“Maybe we could just skip the last, what? 15 minutes and head upstairs instead? I like cuddles in bed the best anyway” Magnus asked and placed one hand on each side of Alec’s chest, pushing his upper body up and looking down at him. The tone of his voice and the way he looked at Alec made it clear that he was suggesting something else than actual cuddles. He might have joked about Alec being sexually frustrated when they first met, but after weeks of nothing Magnus was getting there himself. Alec in any other room and Alec in the bedroom was two different people, so letting him top wouldn’t be an issue with how submissive he was.

Alec followed his movements, not paying attention to the film that was getting loud in the background as it was nearing its end. “We could do that, I don’t think waiting for that guy to beat the bad guy is worth it” Alec nodded.

Getting up, Magnus grabbed the remote to the TV and turned it off. Alec pushed up as well and followed him as he headed for the stairs. When they reached the bedroom, Magnus walked over to make sure he set a timer on the blinders so they would be down in the morning when Alec woke up. “Do you know when you have to leave tomorrow? just so I make sure the blinds are down”

“I don’t think I have to be anywhere until 2pm tomorrow, but I’ll be awake long before that” Alec replied, having walked up behind him.

“Ok” Magnus tried to think, he preferred that they were open when he was supposed to get out of bed. It helped him wake up, but if Alec had time to stay in the morning he wouldn't need them. “Down at 4 so we’re sure they are down before the sun comes up, and back up 30 minutes before you have to leave, just in case” Magnus said, partly to himself and partly to Alec as he punched in the numbers. When he was done, Magnus turned around and almost bumped into Alec who was standing a lot closer than he had expected him to.

“Sorry” Alec took a step back “I just wanted to see how you did it, just in case I woke up here with a hangover once and you hadn’t, because if that happened and I couldn’t escape the light I might actually kill myself”

“Making plans for the future?” Magnus asked playfully before pulling his t-shirt up over his head and folding it over twice before leaving it on the bedside table.

“Too soon?” Alec asked, answering his question with another question as he copied Magnus, pulling his t-shirt off but instead dropping it to the floor.

Magnus shook his head “No, I like having you over” he admitted as he reached up and wrapped his arms around Alec’s neck, pushing up on his toes even if he didn’t really need to as he kissed him. It was slow and sweet and when Alec wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him so tightly against himself that Magnus almost was lifted off the ground, his heart skipped several beats. Alec willingly parted his lips and welcomed his intrusion, submissively letting their tongues play without trying to take control of the kiss. Magnus groaned in appreciation of Alec’s body reacting so quickly to him, Alec’s growing cock pressed up against his though the many layers of clothing.

When they pulled apart for air, Alec looked slightly dazed and his lips looked a little red. “I need you” Alec breathed, his hands trembling slightly as he loosened his grip around him and sunk to his knees. Leaning in, Alec nuzzled his face against the growing bulge in Magnus’ trousers, his warm breath pushing through the fabric and making the small hairs at the back of Magnus’ neck stand up. Magnus had expected foreplay, but he wasn’t about to turn down Alec after being told he was needed.

“Magnus” Alec looked up at him and their eyes met just as Alec licked his lips “can you please use my mouth?”

Magnus thought he might faint, that's how lightheaded he felt when he heard those words come out of his mouth. His choice of words made his cock twitch in excitement in his trousers and he shivered at the mere thought of using his perfect mouth. “I’d love to” Magnus answered, trying to keep his tone as steady as possible and lovingly running his fingers through his hair. Alec’s hands moved to pull his trousers down to free his erection and when he did the cool air in the room sent a new wave of shivers through him. “No hands, no teeth” Magnus said and Alec who now had his eyes fixated on his erection nodded and placed his hands against Magnus thighs.

“Don’t hold back” Alec bit his lip “please” he added, not wasting any time and leaning in close. Alec licked up his full length several times before with some careful manoeuvring being able to close his lips around his pulsating cock, bobbing his head several times like he was familiarising himself with it. Magnus closed his eyes and gasped, curling his fingers into fists in Alec’s dark hair. Alec moaned around his cock which sent small vibrations through his member and from there spread out through his body. When Magnus opened his eyes again he met Alec’s as he looked up at him while moving his head forward and letting Magnus cock push further into his mouth. Magnus felt himself pushing at the back of Alec’s throat a second before he saw and felt the jolt in Alec’s body as he gagged, but Alec just parted his lips slightly more and blinked quickly. Grabbing a hold of Alec’s head with both hands, Magnus held it still as he started thrusting into his mouth. He hadn’t planned on getting as rough as he ended up being, but Alec was taking everything he was giving him and the feeling of his cock sliding down his throat and the clenching around it as Alec swallowed or gagged was making Magnus blind with lust. Alec’s eyes were watering, but he never broke eye contact and his hands stayed calmly rested against Magnus thighs. He seemed to be able to time his breathing for whenever Magnus pulled far enough out for him to catch his breath and when he did, the small sounds of pleasure that escaped with his breathing was indescribable. Magnus didn’t want to think about how Alec had learned this and a burning jealousy stirred up in him when he thought about anyone else having him like this.

Pulling back and all the way out of Alec’s warm and welcoming mouth, Magnus growled for him to get up as he tugged at his hair and watched as Alec obediently got back up on his feet. His lips were red and swollen as he wiped the saliva and pre-cum from his chin, his breathing almost like a stutter, hard and short. “Fuck, you are perfect” Magnus groaned as their lips crashed together, teeth and all as he kissed him deeply, tasting a slight hint of himself in his mouth. Like earlier, Alec gave in without hesitation and hungry kissed him back, pressing up against him.

“I want you, only you” Alec gasped against his lips and Magnus pulled back enough to fully look at him. “I need you to want me.. Please, I want to be yours, claim me” Alec pleaded and tried to lean in, trying to capture Magnus lips and there was something desperate in the way he moved and sounded.

“It’ll hurt” Magnus warned, not really wanting to change his mind but needing Alec to understand.

“Good.. I need this” Alec kept on chasing his lips. ‘Oh thank fuck’ Magnus though and kissed him again, greedily assaulting his mouth as he reached down and started undoing the buttons on Alec’s trousers. Stepping out of his own that were around his ankles he at the same time tugged at Alec’s to pull them down the second they were open. Alec helped, getting his own trousers off and instantly started pulling his boxers down too. When they were both naked, Alec pulled their hips together and moaned in need as he rolled his hips for their cocks to rub against each other.

“Get into bed” Magnus commanded, needing more and Alec nodded and pulled back before getting onto the bed. Magnus opened one of the drawers of the bedside table and pulled out a tube of lube before getting on the bed himself, looking at Alec who sat back on his knees in the middle of the bed waiting for him. “On your back, I want to see your face the first time you open up for me” Magnus said and watched as Alec once again obediently did what he was told and lay down and without being told spread his legs, giving Magnus a perfect view.

“Good fucking God, you are just the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen” Magnus gasped as he took in the sight of Alec laying spread out before him. His legs were bent and spread for him, his hard cock reassuring Magnus that he wanted this and the pace of his chest rising and falling reminding Magnus that he was also probably more nervous than he let on. Crawling over to him, Magnus kissed and felt his way up Alec’s leg, wanting to kiss and claim every inch of him. Alec’s head was pushed back and his eyes closed, his hands moved over the sheets next to his body like he was trying to keep his hand off himself.

Letting his teeth sink into the inside of Alec’s thigh, Magnus was pleased to hear him moan. Licking the sore skin when he let go, Magnus could feel Alec tremble slightly and repeated the action several times- getting equal or more pleasing results the further up the inside of his thigh he got. “Get a pillow and place it under your hips..” Magnus groaned as he put the lube down on the sheet and waited until Alec had done what he was told. With Alec’s hips lifted a little off the bed, Magnus grabbed a hold of his cheeks and pulled them apart, seeing his puckered opening relaxing and clenching before him. Leaning in, Magnus licked the tight ring of muscles and got just the reaction he had wanted as Alec moaned loudly and parted his legs even wider. Alec tasted clean with a hint of salt and his willingness did so that every time he pulled back, Magnus could see that Alec was relaxing just a little bit more. When he moved his hand to rub his thumb against his opening he was placed to see Alec push slightly back against him and groan.

Pulling back, Magnus reached for the lube and his own cock throbbed with want as he pushed up and saw all of Alec again. Alec whimpered from the loss of Magnus’ tongue and opened his eyes, watching as Magnus covered two of his fingers with lube. Shifting closer, Magnus reached out and rested his free hand against Alec’s stomach as he rubbed his coated fingers between Alec’s cheeks, making the younger man close his eyes again and breath out hard. When Magnus started pushing his fingers into him, he could tell that Alec was concentrating on his breathing.

Magnus gave Alec time to adjust, pushing his fingers into him slowly and waiting for Alec’s to relax. Pulling his fingers all the way out, Magnus added more lube to them before slowly pushing them back in with much more ease than he had expected. Watching how well Alec was taking it made Magnus suspect that Alec might have done some of this on his own since last time and the mental images of him doing just that sent jolts of electricity through him. When he had calmed down, Magnus scissored his fingers to open him up, feeling Alec tense slightly around him again. “You’re doing great, but you need to breath for me” Magnus said and gently moved his hand over Alec’s stomach, feeling his breath hitch slightly “Deep and slow, in.. and out”. Alec was following the advice, breathing in when told to and then exhaling and not long after Magnus could feel him loosen up around his fingers as he kept opening him up. Magnus was close to losing his mind as he watched Alec and an all consuming need to push into him and claim him was burning deep inside of him, but taking his size into consideration he knew Alec would need more. Pulling his fingers out, Magnus prepared and then added a third. Alec needed time to adjust again and unless Alec had done anything like this at home, this would have been the fullest he had ever been- for now. Finding Alec’s prostate, Magnus very gently rubbed his fingers against it and watched with want as Alec arched his back and cried out in pleasure. Keeping it up for w while, Magnus waited until Alec was relaxing fully around his fingers before pulling them out.

Magnus pulled away and moved over to the edge of the bed and reached down to grab Alec’s trousers.

“But..” Magnus could hear Alec start and turned to look at him, biting his lip hard at the sight of him.

“No glove, no love.. remember?” Magnus smiled and pulled the condom out of the pocket of the trousers before moving back over to him, ripping the wrapper open with his teeth. Alec licked his lips as he watched him, keeping their eyes locked together as Magnus reached down and rolled the condom over his (for way too long) neglected member. Moving to sit leaned back on his knees between Alec’s legs, Magnus grabbed the lube and stroked himself while covering his cock with a generous amount of it.

“Ready?” He asked and Alec nodded. Grabbing a hold of his cock, Magnus positioned himself against Alec’s prepared opening and started to slowly push into him. Alec almost instantly tenses up and opened his mouth as he gasped for air, his eyes clenched shut. “Fuck” Magnus groaned as he pushed further into him, looking down at how Alec’s hole was swallowing all of him. “Breath” Magnus reminded Alec as he leaned over him, placing one hand on each side of his chest to hold himself up. Alec grabbed a hold of both on his arms, his short nails digging into Magnus’ skin as his entire body trembled. Magnus paused when he was buried fully inside of him, feeling the tight walls of Alec clench tightly around him, making him dizzy with lust and pleasure. “You feel so fucking good” Magnus moaned as the thought about the fact that this was Alec’s first time, knowing he was the only one to have had him like this.

“Please..fuck, God fuck” Alec pushed his head back and Magnus could see a thin layer of sweat covering his skin as he leaned down over him and licked his lips as he rolled his hips slowly, not quite thrusting yet but letting Alec adjust to the feeling. Alec kept on stuttering and begging without defining for what until Magnus covered his lips with his and greedily claimed his mouth as he started pulling a little bit out of him and then pushing back in. The sensation of Alec around him was making Magnus struggle to breath himself and a few thrusts in, their moans collided in their kiss. Alec lifted his legs of the mattress and wrapped them around Magnus waist, opening him up further and letting Magnus thrust deeper into him. All of Magnus’ skin was tingling as he moved over and in Alec, letting his weight down on top of him - his hands roamed over any part of Alec he could reach, digging his fingers into his thighs, waist and finally his hair. Alec was moaning in pleasure under him and pushing back sinfully as he reached up and dug his nails deep into Magnus back, dragging them so hard across that Magnus actually let out a pained whimper. He could feel Alec’s leaking erection press against his stomach as they rocked together and his sounds of pleasure echoed in his ears sending shivers down his abused back. Alec clenched and unclenched around him, greedily swallowing him and pulling him in. Leaving wet kisses along Alec’s jaw, Magnus made his way to his neck and while pulling at his hair he sucked and bit hard at the soft flesh, knowing he would leave marks, marks that showed Alec was his now.

Pushing up, Magnus sucked his bottom lip into his mouth as he looked at Alec before unwillingly pulling out of him “Turn around..” Magnus barely managed to get out and then helped Alec do just that. Once Alec was on his stomach he lifted his hips while he kept his chest pressed against the mattress, legs slightly parted as he offered himself willingly and with that showing how submissive he truly was. Parting his legs more than Alec, Magnus straddled Alec’s things before angling himself right, pulling Alec’s cheeks apart and pushing back into the slick and welcoming opening, moaning as Alec did and immediately started trusting again. This position gave him a different feeling and he could move faster, the sound of skin meeting skin filling the room. Placing one hand against the small of Alec’s back, Magnus reached around him with the other and found his cock, his hand still covered with some lube from the preparation which made Alec’s member slide easily in his hand as he started stroking him in time with his trusts.

Magnus’ climax was starting to build and the sight of Alec biting into the pillow, moaning around it as he gripped the sheets as he pushed back onto Magnus was starting to become too much. Holding back, Magnus denied himself as he kept on pushing Alec towards the edge, feeling his cock swell in his hand and knowing he had to be close too. The pleasure inside of him kept on building and he felt a wave of relief as Alec without warning cried out and his body bucked out of rhythm under him. Alec trembled and moaned Magnus’ name between curses as he shook. Magnus let go of his cock then and grabbed a firm hold of his hips to hold him in place as he kept on thrusting, letting himself relax and let go. Alec was breathing hard into the pillow under him when Magnus felt the shockwave of his orgasm wash over him. Fire burned in his lower abdomen and for a few seconds it was like time stood still before an explosion of pleasure reached every part of his body. Moaning Alec’s name Magnus collapsed on top of him, breathing hard and fast as he lay on top of him.

A minute, maybe two had passed when Alec spoke. “Magnus?” his voice sounded hoarse and Magnus grunted in reply before moving enough for his softening member to slip out of Alec. Rolling over on his back, Magnus with some difficulty pulled the filled condom off and without worrying more about it threw it off the bed. Letting his head fall to the side, Magnus looked at Alec who had a dazed but satisfied look on his face.

“Yes Muffin?” Magnus shivered as his body started cooling down, still covered in sweat. Moving over, he pulled the covers out from underneath himself and then watched as Alec did the same on his side, making it possible to covered them both with it.

Alec didn’t say anything but moved to cuddle up against him, nuzzling his face into the crock of Magnus’ neck.

“Did you enjoy it? Magnus asked, lifting his hand and resting it against the back of Alec’s head, being pretty sure his muscles would feel sore tomorrow.

Magnus shivered as he felt Alec’s soft lips against his neck and tipped his head a little to the side to give him better access.

“Can we do it again?” Alec asked, his lips ghosting against his neck.

Magnus swallowed, on one hand pleased that Alec must have enjoyed it, but on the other had he panicked slightly “Right now?”

“Tomorrow morning? before I leave?” Alec was still covering his neck with small sloppy kisses.

Magnus let out a sigh of relief and relaxed again “I would love to”.

“Every morning?” Alec’s hand moved down his chest and Magnus felt his skin tingle as it was touched.

“If you are good maybe” Magnus smiled, wondering what he had possibly created here.

“I’ll be good” Alec whispered and took a deep breath.

“You better be, you are mine now” Magnus smiled and closed his eyes.

“Yours” Alec hummed and not long after drifted off to sleep.


	6. You know where I am!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Characters in this chapter that are mentioned by their nickname and who they are:**  
>  Candy Man = Simon  
> The Warlock = Magnus  
> Books = Lydia  
> Duchess = Camille  
> 3Feet = Blackwell  
> Bones = Valentine
> 
>  
> 
>  **Explaining:**  
>  MPV = Magnus' Point of View  
> APV = Alec's Point of View  
> —— = Time jump  
> 

**MPV**

Days turned into weeks which again quickly rolled on, and before Magnus knew it, months had passed. Alec was busy but he was getting better at shoehorning in time for them to spend together. Alec would spend almost every night at Magnus’s place and Magnus had even offered up a little space in his closet for Alec to keep a few things, which Alec had taken advantage off. Taking advance off meant he had two t-shirts and some boxer briefs which was all black and things like socks he would just ‘borrow’ from Magnus, usually never being returned, but it was a small price to pay. Magnus was starting to get to know Alec a lot better overall as well, there were subjects he steered away from like his relationship with his family which seemed cold at best. He had a sister called Isabelle which he seemed fond of, but he never spoke of anyone else and friends was really just a friend in singular. That friend being Jace. Magnus also steered away from the subject of his work, Alec didn’t seem too unwilling to talk about it but Magnus felt uncomfortable asking too many questions, not wanting to mix business and pleasure so to speak, but he let Alec talk whenever he brought it up.

They had spent a fair amount of time in bed too and Magnus was getting to know Alec pretty well there as well. What he liked, didn’t like and what he downright loved, and it was nice to get to find out about those things at the same time Alec found out about it himself. They didn’t need a safe word, Magnus had never got off on the idea of someone resisting him or saying no and Alec had no problem expressing it if he didn’t like something, he just wanted it rough. Often he would leave with fresh bite marks, bruises and angry red marks covering his perfect skin when he left in the mornings, which was another thing Magnus had learned. Alec preferred it in the morning, preferably first thing as he woke up and even better if he woke up to it. The few times Alec would wake before him, Magnus would wake up to a pouting Alec pressing up against him or pushing back against him suggestively. Magnus had commented a few weeks back that if Alec woke up first he was allowed to wake him, if was a little creative about it- This in turn had meant that Magnus a few times had woken up to the glorious feeling of Alec lips wrapped around his (by the time he woke up) hard cock.

——

It was 9 in the morning on a cold Thursday that had started like so many of their latest mornings. Sitting back on his parted knees, Magnus tried to catch his breath as he removed the used condom, tied a knot to it threw it off the bed. It was a daily routine now to look for and pick up used condoms after Alec left, like some kind of bizarre easter egg hunt. Letting his head fall back for a second, Magnus could feel his heart beat hard in his chest as he reached out and gently stroke his hands down the inside of Alec’s thighs that rested over his own.

“Thank you”

Magnus looked down at Alec, who had the last month picked up the habit of thank him after every time he came. Magnus didn’t mind, it fitted in well with their routine and he liked that Alec had come up with it on his own. Asking before and thanking after. Magnus had replied with thanking him too once but Alec had pouted and shook his head at that, not wanting it the other way around. Alec had confessed later that liked the illusion of Magnus using him and that even though he wanted to be used in a loving way, Magnus showing ‘gratitude’ would burst his bubble a little.

“You are welcome, Pup”

Alec smiled and closed his eyes. His skin was covered in a thin layer of sweat and his hair was damp and messy like a birds nest after a storm. A few strands of hair was sticking to his forehead and Magnus gave in to the urge, leaning forward and gently pushing it back- brushing his fingers through his hair. Alec hummed softly and leaned against his touch before opening his eyes again, a mixture of what Magnus to himself described as innocence and wild chaos swirled in them.

“Are you in a hurry?” Magnus asked and Alec shook his head. Moving back and away from Alec’s welcoming spread legs he lay down next to him, rolling over in his side. He had wanted to talk to Alec about something for a long time, and if Alec had a little time, this could be just the time to do it. Alec rolled over on his side too and smiled at him, a smile that still made Magnus feel weak in the knees and now filled him with a comforting warmth that he hadn’t expected when he had first met Alec.

“Alexander” Magnus started “I wanted to ask you if we maybe should get tested”

Alec frowned at the question and Magnus expected he didn’t really understand what he was suggesting. He knew he was clean, he had tested himself between every partner his entire life even though he always used protection.

“Well yeah” Magnus reached up and gently stroke his cheek “You’re mine now, aren’t you?”

Alec nodded slowly, still looking a little confused.

“I want you to be mine exclusively” Magnus felt strangely nervous.

It was like a light went on in Alec’s eyes as he partly caught up.

“I’m not sleeping with anyone else” Alec didn’t sound offended which was good, but he sounded a little worried. “are you?”

“No” Magnus answered quickly so he wouldn’t worry too much “But, I also don’t want to and I don’t want you to do it either”

Alec still looked a little confused, possibly having just assumed that they already were pretty much exclusive.

“So, if I’m not going to sleep with anyone else and you’re not going to sleep with anyone else.. we could get tested, just to be sure, and maybe we could cut down on the condom budget” Magnus gave small smile.

For the second time, there was like a light had been turned on in Alec’s head and he mirrored Magnus’ smile.

“I’d like to have sex with my boyfriend without having to worry about them” Magnus tried and just like that, the nerves were back again.

“Boyfriend?” Alec didn’t react, or he didn’t show any reaction at least “You’ve never called me your boyfriend before”

“I know, I was just hoping you were” Magnus could feel his heart thundering in his chest and his throat felt dry. He had been so sure earlier, but now it was like every second that passed was an hour and Alec’s slow response time was making him want to sink into a hole and disappear. He was closer to 30 than he liked to admit but he felt more like he had just turned 14 now.

Alec bit his lip and smiled “I was kind of hoping I was too”

Magnus let out a sigh of relief, suspecting that he had held his breath for the entire time up until that point.

“Does the official title come with any perks?” Alec gave a cheeky little smile.

“You could get a key?” Magnus nodded, feeling pure happiness wash over him “Whatever you want really”

“I’d like a key.. and whatever you want” Alec emphasised and shifted a little closer, whispered “however you want it”

Moving in closer, Magnus pressed their lips together and even though nothing had really changed, it still felt completely different when he later had Alec wrapped around him- claiming him as his own for a second time.

**APV**

A little over a week of being officially Magnus’ boyfriend had made Alec a lot lighter at heart and easy to be around for those closest to him. He knew he could be a pain, but he had been laid back and easy going up until the last few days, until he had to deal with the shithead that he now was dealing with. He had been forced to leave Magnus’ place early that morning because of this jerk and getting everything planned plus heading out to the borders of the area they controlled meant that he had had to skip morning-sex. The only ‘good’ thing about being this far out was that it was a little shop out here that sold a small imported tea brand from Indonesia that Magnus really liked and Alec had promised to pick him up some. Alec enjoyed doing small things like that for him, since buying him expensive gifts did nothing to prove he cared as Magnus was well enough off himself.

Alec looked at his watch and made a face, this was taking longer than he had expected it would. The room he stood in had dark grey walls that was covered with some kind of fabric, there were several mattresses on the floor, a few lamps that lie around and some used plates and glasses. There was a toilet in the corner without anything shielding it and it had an overall feeling of a prison cell, which was in reality what it had been. This room didn’t fit the rest of the otherwise big and well lit modern house. All the other rooms were white with minimalistic and futuristic furniture, expensive art hanging on the wall and open and airy. The air in this room was thick and warm and Alec knew he would have got a headache had he been forced to stay here long.

“Angel” The other man in the room pleased and Alec turned his attention to the well dressed man sitting on his knees in the middle of the room. He had on black trousers with suspenders and a light blue shirt with the white collar which Alec hated. It looked like the man was trying to look like the character Gordon Gekko from the Wall Street film, but it ended up just looking pathetic. He was in his late 40s with black hair that had been combed back but it was all out of place now, showing just how thin it was. He had dull grey eyes and thin lips that did not match his unflattering body shape. Thin arms but otherwise a little round, his thighs looking too wide for his overall look shape as well

“Yes?” Alec answered and walked closer to him, his gun resting in his hand as he bent at the knees and lowered himself down, balancing his weight on the front sole of his feet. Jace had shot the man in the leg earlier, and now he was sitting in a pool of blood.

“Please, I promise I will disappear and you’ll never see me again” The man begged and it looked like he was about to start crying.

Alec made a face like he couldn’t understand where he was coming from “Dude..” Alec let his arms rest over his knees “You set up shop in my city and we leave you alone. You asked for our protection and we agree to give you that for what I would describe as a reasonable fee” He was speaking in a slow and gentle tone “You got the deal everyone else gets, a small monthly payment as well as your eyes and ears when you have the chance.. That wasn’t unfair was it?”

The man shook his head urgently, his lower lip trembling.

“Exactly” Alec smiled “So Imagine my surprise when a little bird told me that you were dealing with the lads across town”

“I wasn’t..” The man tried to interrupt, but Alec just raised the volume of his to talk over him.

“Imagine my surprise when I heard they were visiting you here, on MY side of the city” Alec held back the urge to scream at him and kept his tone steady. “I mean, we chose to protect you and your way of income even though that income was being generated by you tricking things like hospitals out of their money. You have to be a shitty person to come up with that idea by the way, stealing from the sick and dying? charming!” The man was about to open his mouth but kept it shut when Alec lifted his gun, having it aimed at his torso. “But when the birds start singing, we listen and follow the tunes. And the tunes told us that we would have to look into what kind of business we were actually protecting, because I foolishly believed that we were protecting you from people finding out what a massive asshole you were and were making sure no one asked the right question” Alec’s eyes darkened now “But you are not just a massive asshole are you?”

Jace walked in through the door to the room holding a gasoline can in each hand, he put one down and then started to pour the first one out over the mattresses on the floor, letting it soak in. Izzy had been there with them earlier, but an urgent call had pulled her away. Izzy didn’t deal with cases like this too often, but she had wanted to to be around for this one since she heard about the case and had been furious about having been called away.

“Please, please, I can make it up to you, Please I have a wife”

Alec rolled his eyes at that, like having a wife would ever change anything.

“You bought and sold girls like they were things! You had them locked up in this room for weeks and then sold them off to the highest bidder and you did it from your house.. don’t tell me she didn’t know about this” Alec didn’t mind most things, but things like this made his skin crawl “The youngest one we had moved out of here while you were on your little romantic getaway this weekend with the missus couldn’t have been more than 14.. FOURTEEN, that's a child..”

Alec paused as the phone vibrated in his pocked and he reached in to look at it, seeing Magnus’ face flash across the screen he snapped out of what he was doing and smiled. The man was going back to trying to beg but shut up when Alec lifted his gun and pressed it against his lips as if it was a finger and hushed him before accepting the call.

“Hello” Alec started, keeping the gun in place as Jace went about trying to cover the walls of the room.

“Hi puppy, are you busy?” Magnus’ voice always cheered Alec up.

“I have a minute” Alec replied. Magnus didn’t usually call him, he always texted first, but this was nice.

“Ok, I don’t want to disturb so I’ll be quick” Magnus sounded apologetic “I was just wondering if you were still out of the city and when you’d be back?”

Alec smiled at the causality of the conversation and the fact that Magnus had called for something so unimportant.

“I still am, but I’m not sure I can come over today..”

“Please.. pleeeeease” The man on the floor sobbed again and Alec lifted his gun and pressed the barrel against his forehead, narrowing his eyes as he looked at the guy.

“What was that?” Magnus asked.

“Nothing.. I’m just in the middle of something here” Alec felt a little sting. It wasn’t exactly a lie, but it felt like it and he hated that. He would have told him, it wasn’t like Magnus didn’t probably know what he was doing most days, but he didn’t want to get into details of this now.

“Oh, I was looking forward to you making up for having to leave so early this morning” Magnus replied and Alec could hear that he was pouting.

“I’ll see about coming over to crash if this day don’t turn out to be an all nighter.. I can lock myself in now, so..”

“I guess I’ll hang my hopes on that then” Magnus sounded like he was still pouting.

“If I come, want me to bring you anything” Alec offered, he knew he would be tired and might forget, but asking these sort of questions was what couples did right?

“Hold on, let me check” Magnus answered before the call was put on hold.

Alec looked up at Jace who was now standing behind the guy with folded arms, waiting.

Over a minute passed before the line was back up again “Milk if you want coffee tomorrow.. and condoms if you want anything else”

“Oh, those are both very important” Alec bit his lip and smiled to himself, he couldn’t wait for the damn tests results to get back so they wouldn’t have to worry about these things any more. Well, it wouldn’t sort out the milk for the coffee, but one out of two weren’t bad.

“Very” Magnus agreed, even though Alec knew he didn’t take milk ins coffee. “Anyways, I hope you have time.. I wouldn’t mind sinking my teeth into you tomorrow”

Alec chuckled “You never mind, that's why my body is covered in marks”. Hearing Jace clear his throat, Alec looked up at him again and saw him impatiently tap his watch with one finger.

“Ok, I need to go, we are just about done here” Alec added before Magnus had the time to comment.

“Ok then, see you tonight?” Magnus sang.

“Maybe” Alec smiled. “I’ll see you when I see you”

“When I see you” Magnus echoed “Bye bye Pumpkin”

Alec put his phone away and stood up.

“We need to get this show on the road” Jace said and Alec nodded as Jace picked up the gasoline can that he had placed next to him and started pouring it over the man who panicked, grasping at them but being unable to get on his feet. He had probably hoped he would have got out of this alive, for some reason almost everyone who deep down knew they were going to die still held onto that hope until the very end.

“God, no, please” The man was shouting as Alec stepped away from his reach.

“We are going to play a little game” Alec started as Jace threw the can away and walked over to the door “We are going to lock the door, but we have hidden a key in the room, so your job is to try to find the key and get out before you get fried like a little chicken nugget, ok?”

The guy was crawling on the floor towards them, begging and crying now.

“Don’t waste your time with that.. tic toc, remember” Alec said as Jace stepped out and handed Alec a Zippo lighter which he lighted and threw into the room, hitting one of the mattresses that instantly caught fire. Alec grabbed the handle of the door and shut it close behind them and turned the lock on their side.

There were muffled screams and frantic pounding at the door seconds later which both Jace and Alec ignored as they made their way out of the house.

“Where did you hide the key this time?” Alec asked as they get into his car parked outside.

“I slipped it into his pocket earlier when I pulled him into the room” Jace answered and flashed Alec a wide grin.

“That’s new, I like it” Alec laughed and started the engine. Pulling on his seatbelt, Alec pulled out of the driveway.

They were heading down the road back into the city when a black SUV came up on their side and without wanting crashed into the side of theirs. The car was pushed towards edge of the road and Alec swore as he tried to steer back but before he managed the big SUV smashed into them again. The tires screamed as Alec pulled at the wheel but all it did was make the car spin out of control before it flew off the side of the road and rolled down the steep hill, being thrown around in a tumble. Alec’s mind didn’t manage to catch up with what was happening as the world outside the car spun, but he tried to hold onto the wheel before his head smashed against the window and knocked him out.

——

Alec could hear something around him, chatter and high pitched ringing noise. His eyelid was pulled open and a bright light flashed before his eyes, making him blink and try to pull away but his head was stuck in something.

“Sir, can you hear me?” A man’s voice broke through the noise in his head.

Trying to lift his hand, Alec realised he was tied down and panicked. Trying to pull his arm free, he didn’t understand where he was or what was going on.

“Sir, sir” the man spoke again “you need to calm down, sir, please” Alec felt a sharp sting as he tried to pull his arm free, but kept it up. His entire body was aching and he struggled to even open one eye and when he did it was all blurry around him.

“Sir” The man kept on talking, but Alec couldn’t understand half of what he was saying. Another voice was there and someone was holding him down. Seconds later the blurry world faded to black around as he passed out again.

——

When Alec fully came to again he was in a dimly lit room. Blinking his eyes to try to focus properly, he groaned at how dry they felt.

“Alec?” Alec would have recognised Izzy’s voice anywhere.

Alec opened his mouth, but his lips and mouth all felt dry too and his tongue felt like a piece of sandpaper in his mouth.

“Fuck, don’t you ever scare me like that again” Izzy snapped as she came into view, leaning over him. “You want something to drink?”

Nodding his head, Alec closed his eyes again as he tried to shut out the all consuming headache that crept in on him.

“Here” Izzy held the glass up against his lips and very gently tipped it forwards. Half of the water ended out on the outside of his mouth, but what he got helped a lot.

“What happened?” Alec groaned and let his head fall little too the side to try to look around.

Izzy sat down and placed the glass of water on table next to the bed and then grabbed his hand with both of hers. “You’ve been out for two days. You were in an accident Alec, remember?” she spoke softly “you were REALLY lucky. You must have had a guardian angel with you. You are just beaten up so we could take you home” she squeezed his hand gently and gave a comforting smile.

Groaning in pain, Alec tried to think back. He couldn’t fully puzzle everything together. It was like the memories he was trying to access had been shattered and the pieces were given to him in the wrong order. “I don’t feel too bad” Alec mumbled, even though that was a lie. It wasn’t that one part of him hurt so much he couldn’t take it, it was that every bit of his body equally hurt a lot.

“When I heard I thought the worst, you know.. I thought I was going to lose you” Izzy’s eyes were big and it looked like she was about to cry.

“Hey, I’m ok” Alec said and tried to give her a brave smile “You know I would never leave you, right?”

Izzy nodded and gently brushed her fingers over the back of his hand.

“I think you should know..It wasn’t really an accident” Izzy took a deep breath and Alec knew instantly what that meant.

“Do we know who planned it?” His head was killing him when he spoke.

Izzy shook her head “We’re not 100% sure, but Luke brought in Meliorn and he is working on it. It’s Bones’ guys that hit you, but we are trying to find out how they knew that we were all supposed to be there. It looks like they wanted to get us both out of the way at the same time, but since I had left earlier..” Izzy’s voice trailed off.

“Why isn’t Jace handling it?” Alec’s eyes felt heavy.

“Alec” Izzy took another deep breath “Jace was in the car with you, and..” Izzy paused.

It was maybe a second, but a long one.

“He got it a lot worse than you. They have stabilised him and the best doctors are on it, but they don’t know if he’ll wake up.. It’s too early to tell”

Alec’s heart felt like it stopped beating and he fisted his free hand into the duvet that covered him from the chest down.

“I want to know who did this” His voice was trembling and the words came out in a stutter.

“Alec” Izzy tried to speak softly. “You need to rest..”

“I WANT NAMES” Alec shouted, trying to shut out images of Jace from his mind. His best friend, his only real friend. Jace was the only one who truly knew him, the only one who knew about every aspect of his life and accepted him for it. He wouldn’t have survived his childhood without him and he wouldn’t have survived prison if he hadn’t visited and he wouldn’t survive now if he lost him.

“The Duchess and 3-Feet were in the car as far as we know” Izzy’s voice had a false calmness to it which Alec would usually worry about, but he couldn’t think straight. “And we are not sure, but it looks like the leak of information went though Simon and Bane”

Alec’s head was still hurting “Simon and Bane? who the fuck are Simon and Bane?” Alec’s heavier breathing was making him very aware of the pain in his chest which felt like broken or sprung ribs.

“Simon Lewis, the Candy Man” Izzy was trying to comfort him by gently stroking his hand “And Magnus Bane, also known as the Warlock.. It’s the neutral party we brought in when Books’ crew got taken down”.

“Magnus?” Alec couldn’t breathe. His Magnus?

“Yes, Magnus Bane, Asian looking and flamboyant.. You never met him, but Clary is holding Simon on my orders after what Meliorn has found out. From the information we can gather it seems like Bane and probably several others in his organisation has had it in for us for years, but Simon is sticking his story of them not actually taking part in trying to kill us, you.” Izzy’s voice seemed to become more and more distant as she spoke “We are not 100% sure as Simon would have known where we were, but he didn’t know when so we are working to see if he was maybe working with someone or if we have the wrong guy”.

“Get out” Alec’s eyes wouldn’t focus on anything in the room. Magnus had known when, he had even called and checked that they were still there. The realisation of the fact that Magnus had tried to kill him made Alec want to throw up.

“What?” Izzy sounded surprised.

“Get out, get out” Alec pushed up sitting and it felt like his chest was caving in on him “GET OUT”.

Izzy jumped up, letting go of his hand and stood for a second before she walked out “Ok, but call out if there is anything”.

Alec didn’t answer, couldn’t have answered if he had wanted to. Falling back on the bed, the physical pain he was feeling didn’t even faze him as he rolled over on his side and curled up in foetal position. Digging his fingers into the pillow, Alec screamed from the pain that cut though him at the thought of what was happening. It felt like his heart was being ripped apart, like he could literally feel the organ being torn into pieces in his chest. He didn’t think he could handle it and wished he would just pass out. Every muscle in his body cramped up making him tremble as he cried uncontrollably. The thought of losing Jace and of Magnus.. It felt like he was dying. The pain burning through him and the overwhelming feeling of guilt and betrayal as he cried was so much Alec wish he had died. He wished Magnus had killed him, it would have hurt less.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologises for all the time jumps in this chapter.


	7. I couldn't breathe!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Characters in this chapter that are mentioned by their nickname and who they are:**  
>  Angel = Alec  
> Deathrow = Jace
> 
>  **Explaining:**  
>  MPV = Magnus' Point of View  
> APV = Alec's Point of View  
> —— = Time jump  
> 

**MPV**

Magnus had been disappointed when he had woken up the day after he had spoken with Alec last and find that he was still in alone in the bed. He had expected to have got a message, but all the messages he had received during the night were all business. Having gone about his day, not wanting to disturb Alec, he had waited patiently for him to get in touch. When he reached the 24 hour mark since he had last heard from him he decided to text him, but got no reply. He sent him a few more texts as the hours crept by, but there was no reply and a feeling that something was wrong started to grab a hold of Magnus. He hardly slept that second night and every time he woke up he would check his phone. Alec always answered, even when he was busy he would get back to him within a few hours tops.

The second day when Magnus crawled out of bed he decided to call. Finding Alec under ‘Boyfriend’ with an emoji heart under his favourites, Magnus pressed called and instantly felt sick as it went straight to voicemail. A female voice read Alec’s number back to him before the beep.

“Hi puppy, I haven’t heard from you and I’m just a little worried. Get back to me so I know your ok, alright.. I miss you” Magnus could hear that his own voice was a bit off, but nothing about what was going on was making him feel ok himself.

The hours went on by and Magnus found himself just waiting around. Every few hours he would try to call but hang up as soon as he heard the voicemail. He tried to tell himself that Alec could have lost his phone, but as that wouldn’t explain why he hadn’t come around or got a new one to call him it didn’t make him feel much better.

The horrible third night was followed by an equally horrible third day. With no messages and no returning calls Magnus was sure something must have happened to him because Alec wouldn’t just not answer, wouldn’t have his phone turned off for such a long time. Sitting in one of the chairs in his living room, Magnus played with his phone as he tried to think of any way he could get in touch with Alec that didn’t include Alec’s phone. He only knew about one friend, Jace, but he of course didn’t have his number and a several searches online gave zero hits for a Jace or even a mention of him. Magnus knew he worked for the Lightwoods, but the only person he had the number to was the Lightwood sister, but calling one of the heads of the Lightwood families to see if they knew his boyfriend might not be a good idea.

There was a sound at the door and Magnus jumped up and almost ran over to the door to pull it open, only to see Raphael standing there. Magnus heart dropped and he let out a sigh, having hoped it would have been Alec and the feeling of relief he had just felt disappeared instantly.

“We need to talk” Raphael said as he brushed past him and made his way into the flat. He sounded off, but Magnus couldn’t find it in himself to ask.

Turning around and closing the door again, Magnus walked into the living room area of his flat and fell down in the chair he had sat in.

“What's the matter with you?” Raphael looked around before sitting down in one of the other chairs “Have you even showered? You look like shit”

“Thank you” Magnus answered, feeling numb “I think something is wrong”.

Raphael let out a frustrated sigh “A lot of things are wrong, the Lightwoods have shut down all flow of information”

“What?” Magnus frowned.

“There was a hit on the siblings. I heard about it a few hours before it happened and contacted Simon to tell him to get the hell out of there..” Raphael sounded stressed, which was unusual.

“What happened?” Magnus knew no matter the outcome, this meant war.

“They were run off the road. After what I’ve heard there were three people in the car. The siblings and Deathrow, I think they all survived”.

“What did Simon say?” Magnus was sitting at the edge of his seat, maybe this could explain something.

Raphael’s face paled “I haven’t heard from him. I think the Lightwoods have him, he isn’t answering his phone”.

“Maybe they don’t, you just said they had a shutdown on information, right? Maybe they have some kind of lockdown” Magnus felt a small tingle of hope.

Raphael shook his head “No, known members of the Lightwoods have been spotted all over town, they are going about their day but there is just no information coming.” Raphael rubbed his face with one hand “They have him Magnus, I know it.. They have him” Raphael sounded tired as well now, it was like talking about it made it real to him.

“I haven’t heard from Alexander either” Magnus slumped back in his chair.

Raphael was trying to keep himself together and was doing a better job of it than Magnus “How close to the siblings does he work?”

“I don’t know” Magnus shrugged, feeling helpless.

“Ok, what is his name” Raphael tried.

“Alexander, or just Alec”

“No, his name” Raphael was frustrated “You don’t go around telling your name, neither do they, that’s the name I need”

“I don’t know” Magnus had never even thought to ask about that “I don’t even know his last name” Magnus let out a empty chuckle, wondering how he could have never asked for that.

“How can you not know your boyfriend’s last name?” Raphael actually sounded angry.

“What if he was in the car?” Magnus felt sick again.

“He wasn’t in the car” Raphael stood up and started pacing back and forth on the floor.

“He could be that last guy, Deathrow?” Magnus wanted to curl up into a ball.

Raphael stopped “No, Deathrow has dirty blond hair and I think two different coloured eyes.. that doesn’t exactly fit your description of Alexander”.

“Alec, only I call him Alexander”

“Fine, Alec. It still doesn’t fit” Raphael snapped.

Magnus was sawing a little back and forth and then suddenly stopped. Two different coloured eyes? “When you say two different coloured eyes, do you mean fully or is one like half and half-ish?” Magnus stood up so quickly the room started spinning.

Raphael didn’t look impressed “I don’t know, I have never been close enough to study his eyes”

“No, but this is important, what else about him?” Magnus needed to find out. It sounded like Jace, it could be Jace, that could explain why he hadn’t heard from Alec. If his best friend had been in an accident that would be a good enough reason for him not to get in touch.

“I don’t know, he has dirty darkish blond hair thats pulled back, I would say he is about 5’9” Raphael said “I am pretty sure he has some kind of neck tattoo, but I can’t remember if its on the right or left side”

“It’s Jace, It’s gotta be Jace” Magnus shot up.

“Jace?” Raphael sounded annoyed instead of confused.

“Yes, Jace.. That could explain why I haven’t heard from Alec.” Magnus heart was pounding in his chest. Getting his phone from the table he opened it and scrolled though his album, he was sure that Alec had sent a less than flattering selfie of him and Jace once that he had screenshot. When he found it he showed the phone to Raphael. “Is that him with Alexander here? Is that Deathrow?”

Raphael stood still and looked at the screen and then nodded very slowly, his voice flat as he spoke “Thats them”.

“Ok, that could be it. Jace is Alexander’s best friend.. he is like a brother to him. Oh god, I hope he is ok. Alexanders will be devastated” Magnus was talking to himself.

“Thats them” Raphael repeated.

“Yes” Magnus slipped his phone into his pocket. If Jace was in the hospital, that's where he would find Alec.

“Are you listening to me, that's them.. thats Angel and Deathrow” Raphael almost shouted.

Magnus made a face and stopped in his track “No, Thats Alexander and…” he trailed off.

Raphael shook his head in disbelief “How could you be so stupid?” his voice wasn’t recognisable “If ANYTHING happens to Simon it’ll be on you.. If you had done your job right you would have known and you could have choked the little monster where he slept.. but instead you put Simon in the middle of the lions den while you play house with the enemy?”

Magnus blinked quickly, unable to wrap his mind around what he was hearing.

“If Simon doesn’t come out of this… we’re though!” Raphael spat and not long after the door to Magnus’ flat was slammed shut.

Magnus just stood there. His sweet and submissive Alexander couldn’t be the same person Simon had described as cold and brutal, there was just no way. For several minutes, Magnus didn't move from the spot he stood at when Raphael left, he just stood still and looked at nothing. He felt sick to his stomach and walked over to lay down on the couch, not wanting to move. Not wanting to do anything. 

Simon, Jace.. Alexander, It was all his fault. 

**APV**

Alec pushed the door into Magnus’ flat open. Shifting his grip on his gun in his right hand he walked through the door and looked around. It was quiet and none of the lights were on. Letting the door slowly slid shut behind him, Alec made his way across the floor though the living room. It looked pretty much like the last time he had been there, but for some reason the flat seemed cold and empty and Alec felt out of place. Making his way to the back of the flat, Alec went through the curtains and looked into the bathroom. The air felt warm and damp in there, meaning it couldn’t have been too long since the room had been used.

Climbing the stairs was also different. Alec thought back to all the times he and Magnus had struggled to stay apart as they did, how Magnus would comment on the ‘view’ or how they had almost been running up the stairs to get into bed. The steps creaked slightly under his weight as he walked up, slowly this time. When he reached the top he looked around again, Magnus wasn’t there either. Walking over to the undone bed, Alec let his fingertips brush against the soft sheets. It wasn’t like Magnus to not make the bed, but it also wasn’t like Magnus to let his cloths lie around on the floor- at least not the Magnus he had thought he knew. One of Alec’s t-shirt that he had left there way on the bed, but Alec couldn’t remember if he had left it there last time or not.

This had felt like home just a little over a week ago and now it all just felt like lies. The blinds were all up so Alec walked away from the bed and looked out over the city. He rested his hand on the handle of the glass door that would let him out on the terrace but stopped,Alec had never been out there before and didn’t see any reason why he should now. Taking a deep breath, Alec shoved the gun down the waistband on his back, not needing it yet. He wasn’t sure if he was happy that Magnus wasn’t here yet or if he wished he had been here so he could just get this done.

Not having anything to do, Alec walked back over to the bed and reached in and pulled his t-shirt off before making the bed. He had never done it before, but he couldn’t just stand around or he would drive himself crazy. After it was done, he threw his t-shirt back onto the bed, he didn’t think he wanted it back anyway. The time passed slowly and Alec found himself picking up all of Magnus’ cloths on the floor, giving folding them a go and placed them on the bed as well. He almost sat down, but there was something inside of him that told him he couldn’t. Groaning in frustration at himself, Alec left the bedroom and headed downstairs again.

Once he was downstairs, Alec turned on some lights before he pulled his gun back out and placed it on the glass table in front of him and then sat down on the couch.

“You can do this” He told himself out loud. His legs were shaking a little and Alec placed his hands against them and rubbed them to try to keep them still. He recognised half the feelings he was feeling. The nerves and that part of his stomach that was set on making him bend over and empty his guts on the floor, he had felt it before. He had felt it a few times, his humanity Izzy had called it. ‘It’s that part of you that thinks that it doesn’t have to come to someone having to die’ he could hear Izzy say. You lost that with time, with time it all blurred together and you placed your trust and conscious in the part of you that had already come to terms with it all before you even come to this part. Alec inhaled sharply and closed his eyes. The other part of what he was feeling was new though, and he hadn’t found a way to keep it under control yet.

Alec wasn’t sure how long he sat like that, but at least 30 minutes must have passed when he heard something. Grabbing his gun, he stood up and stepped away from the couch, waiting for Magnus to come in through the doors one last time.

**MPV**

Over a week had passed since Magnus had last heard from Alec. After having talked with Raphael and finding out who Alec was, there was maybe a full day were Magnus had tried to tell himself that he didn’t want to see Alec ever again. His mind was at war with itself. On one side he had grown up hating the Lightwood family, he had done everything he could think of to hurt them, but on the other side, it was Alexander and he missed him. The day after he had met with Raphael he had given in and tried to call Isabelle. Her phone had been on unlike Alec’s which gave him hope, but she hadn’t picked up either time he had called. Magnus hadn’t wanted to text her, unsure of what she knew about him and Alec but also because Simon was still missing.

——

9 days had come and went and Magnus was slowly starting to get a sort of rhythm going. He woke up and quickly got out of bed, not wanting to spend time in it alone, went about his day trying to make sure that everything was running smoothly. Raphael didn’t get in touch with him and doing what he usually did reminded Magnus of why he had delegated those things to him in the first place. By the end of the day he was exhausted but he would try to call Alec’s phone anyway and then crawl into bed and hope that he fell asleep quickly.

It was the thirteenth day when he came home after a long meeting with some of the guys that he had always just referred to as ‘Raphael’s boys’, meaning they were the ones actually distributing the products and it had not been a good meeting. H had almost closed the door completely behind himself after entering when he looked up and saw someone standing in the middle of the living room area. Taking a step into the room, Magnus felt his heart skip a beat as he saw who it was.

“Oh my God, Alexander. You’re ok!”

Walking over to him, Magnus instantly knew that he didn’t care what his last name was, he just wanted to hold him. He was just a few feet away when Alec suddenly raised his hand and Magnus stopped dead in his track when he looked directly into the barrel of a gun.

“Alexander?” It was a question this time and looking at him, he could tell that he wasn’t actually OK. He had cuts and bruises on his face and the way he stood made it seem like he was possibly in pain.

“Don’t call me that” Alec snapped and there was so much anger in his voice and his eyes that Magnus struggled to not look away.

“Ok, I won’t” Magnus promised as he tried to take in what was happening, keeping his hands half raised, showing his surrender.

“How could you? Why would you do this to me?” Alec’s voice sounded strange, like he was trying not to cry. “Jace almost died.. He had done nothing to you, I had done nothing to you” Alec’s hand was shaking as he spoke and he kept shifting his grip on the gun.

“Alec” Magnus could feel his heart break as he watched him, he was trembling and even with the gun pointed straight at him, Magnus wanted nothing more than to hug and kiss him until he felt better.

“No, NO! You don’t get to do that.. Your friend told us everything, I just..” Alec half lowered the gun but then lifted it again and Magnus saw his finger resting on the trigger. “If you hated me so much, if you hated me enough to want me dead, how could you even keep it up for so long?”

“I didn’t know it was you” Magnus whispered, feeling tears sting in his eyes.

“BULLSHIT” Alec shouted and Magnus was surprised at how he flinched at the harshness of his tone. Alec lowered the gun and lifted his other hand and brushed his fingers through his hair. “Your friend told us.. he told us how you’ve hated us all of your life.. and you want me to believe you hated me enough to want me dead without even knowing what I look like”. Alec’s breathing was uneven as he spoke. “You wanted me dead? Izzy?” Alec didn’t look at him any more, but he was clenching the gun hard in his hand as his other stayed in his hair, he sounded defeated “I thought you liked me..”

Magnus wanted to explain, but he didn’t even know where to start or if he would even finish if he did. Alec was falling apart in front of him and he couldn’t do anything to make him feel better. “I do..” Magnus tried but was cut off.

Alec laughed, but the sound was hollow and cold. “I know what they say about me. They say I don’t have a soul.. that I don’t feel anything. They don’t like me, they fear me” Alec looked up again, his eyes red and puffy “But..what you did”.

“I swear, I didn’t know.. I would never hurt you” Magnus took a step closer “You have to believe me Alexander”

“STOP CALLING ME THAT” Alec shouted again “I needed you.. I couldn’t breathe without you.. I LOVED YOU” Alec shouted the last words and lifted the gun again. The words hit Manus like a punch to the face “You made me love you, but it wasn’t real.. it was all lies” Tears were streaming down his face and his lower lip trembled “I have to do this now.. I have to.. They’re expecting it” Alec’s breath was hitching in his chest.

Magnus swallowed hard, he felt completely numb and he wanted to tell him that he had needed him too, that he still did, but Alec was tightening the grip on his gun again. He could barely see through his tears as he tried to give Alec the only thing he had left to give him. Trying to breath slowly, Magnus closed his eyes “It’s ok.. I understand”.

“It’s not ok.. I have to live with this” Alec cried, his voice was just a stuttering whisper now “without you..”

Ever since he had found out who Alec was, Magnus had known there was a chance Alec would come to the conclusion he now had. He could have run away, maybe he should have when he first found out, but the world just didn’t seem to offer him anything anymore. With Simon still missing as well he had feared it would come to this and in a strange way he had made his peace with it. He hadn’t actually tried to kill Alec, but he had been more than willing to let Angel die- that he didn’t know they were the same didn’t make it ok. Magnus had hated the Lightwoods for what they had done to him, but welcomed the idea of it happening to them, which made him no better than what he had hated. He hadn’t expected Alec to handle it like this though. He would have expected the other part of him to show up, but it wasn’t the cold and brutal Lightwood son he had heard about who stood in front of him, it was his Alexander and he loved him, even now.

Standing there silently, Magnus waited, but nothing did. He could sense on some level that there were some movements happening around, but he didn’t dare to open his eyes, not sure he could handle it. There was a sudden hard noise as the door to his flat was slammed shut and Magnus jumped and he shot open his eyes to find himself alone again.

Sinking down onto the floor, Magnus leaned forward and threw up, his stomach turning painfully. It would almost have been better if he had been over and done with. The knowledge that Alec couldn’t even find it in him to hurt him after what he thought Magnus was guilty of made everything feel a lot worse. Sitting back, Magnus sobbed silently as he covered his face with shaky hands. Everything Alec had said running through his mind and digging itself into every cell of his body, making him feel completely lost and empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter, not 100% :(


	8. Drunk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Characters in this chapter that are mentioned by their nickname and who they are:**  
>  Angel = Alec  
> Warlock = Magnus  
> Widow = Maryse  
> Candy Man = Simon  
>  **Explaining:**  
>  MPV = Magnus' Point of View  
> APV = Alec's Point of View  
> —— = Time jump  
>  ~~NB! Extra apologies about typos & mistakes, its 9am and I still haven't slept. So Sorry. Might fix later, Give me a shout if its any really bad ones.~~  
> NB2! If you read the chapter before Sunday the 22nd of Jan 11pm (UK time), parts of it has been changed (but very little).

**MPV**

Over a month had passed when the Lightwood sister had gotten in touch with Magnus with an offer. Magnus had agreed to the meeting, what else could he do? Isabelle had requested that Raphael be there too, which had been a struggle as he still refused to talk to Magnus, but a picture of Simon sent from Isabelle forwarded to Raphael had convinced him. Isabelle had brought along two big guys with her to Magnus’ flat and they had agreed to the new deal, their own lives as well as Simon’s depending on it. ‘You work for us now’ Isabelle had smiled, and now they truly did. When they had went into this deal the Lightwood’s had gotten 15% of the profit, now they would get 55%. It was a horrible deal, but the deal only included the areas in New York and immediate areas. The part of their initial deal about receiving protection from the Lightwood family also went out the window, but neither of them had ever needed that part and it was less hard to swallow than the Lightwood’s probably knew. Simon had been ‘delivered’ as soon as the meeting was done and Raphael had showed more emotions in those 30 minutes following than he had in the 20 years prior to that.

Isabelle had very openly admitted that she had not liked them making any sort of deal with them, but there had been a few in her closest circle of ‘friends’ that had grown to like Simon. She had also implied without meaning to that it hadn’t been up to her to ‘let them off this easy’, which pointed to it being either The Widow or Alec who had had the final word. Magnus very much doubted that The Widow was behind it and had cried himself to sleep that night over it. He had done for days after last time he had seen Alec, but his continuing ‘mercy’ was making his shame and loss so much heavier to bear.

Almost another month had gone by before Magnus had realised that he was constantly being shadowed whenever he was moving around town. When he first started noticing, it wasn’t hard to spot it when he was out. The people who kept an eye on him didn’t try to keep it a secret either, but Magnus guessed that with what had happened, the Lightwoods didn’t trust him and therefore didn’t take any chances.

Two weeks more passed and life was starting to get back to ‘normal’ as far as that was possible. Magnus sat at small coffee shop and read an old fashioned printed newspaper when none other than Jace walked over to his table and sat down on the chair across from him. He looked a little tired but well considering how badly hurt he had got in the accident. He was wearing a baseball cap which Magnus had never seen him wear before, but apart from that it was all the same.

“Magnus Bane” Jace leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms across his chest.

“Jace..” Magnus said and closed the newspaper and folded it in half “What can I help you with?”

“Nothing, it’s just I had to take a babysitting-Magnus shift and hanging on the corner and watching you from a distance was starting to get boring” Jace replied.

Magnus had know he was being shadowed, but he hadn’t expected Jace to come right out and say it like that.

“I’m sorry for the inconvenience, but I don’t really need a babysitter” Magnus took a sip of his black coffee.

Jace smiled “Yeah, we all know how well that turned out for us last time”

“I didn’t have anything to do with it” Magnus protested “I could have found out and warned you but I didn’t and you can hate me for that, but I didn’t take part in the planning or actual act of it”

Jace huffed “Keep talking Bane, I might in the end manage to separate your voice from the radio I am now taking in because of these new steel plates in my head”

“I’m sorry you got hurt and I am glad you are healing so quickly, but again I didn’t do anything” Magnus said, he was tired of being blamed for it. He knew he had been wrong in his wishes of revenge, but at the end of the day he hadn’t actually taken part and if he was going to feel guilty, it was because of what he had done to Alec, not Jace.

Jace just made a face, but he didn’t answer and instead just pulled up his phone and started playing a game on it.

Magnus sat and watched him for a long time as he had his coffee. It was strange, Jace kept on ‘blaming’ him for what happened without actually acting like he did. Magnus had found out almost a month later how badly Jace had got hurt and it would have been understandable if he was frustrated or angry. He was back on his feet, but that must have been very recent, but instead of wrath it was more bitter mumbling. Putting his cup down and holding it with both hands, Magnus took a deep breath and decided against his better judgment to ask Jace what he was really thinking about.

“How is he?”

Jace looked up from his phone “Huh?”

“Alexander, how is he?”

Jace narrowed his eyes and for a few seconds it looked like he was trying to evaluate him.

“Do you care?” Jace sounded as sceptical as he looked.

Magnus cleared his throat “Yes, I care”

Jace kept looking him over and then nodded like he suddenly found something he approved of and answered “Drunk”.

“Drunk?” Magnus didn’t understand.

“Yes, he is drunk or high, or both” Jace looked as unhappy about saying it as Magnus felt when hearing it “But you know, he’ll be fine”

Magnus almost regretted asking as the answer made him feel worse than he had felt before asking. Magnus had hoped that Jace would have said that he was doing fine, maybe that he was missing him, but nothing more extreme than that. Tightening his grip on the almost empty coffee cup, Magnus looked down and nodded. He had known that Alec both liked and could handle a drink when they first met and while they got to know each other, but he had calmed down a lot and adopted Magnus’ way of having a drink which was more ‘a glass a day’ instead of actually getting drunk. High on the other hand was new and Magnus didn’t like it, even if he was in the business himself.

“What sort of high?” Magnus asked, knowing he shouldn’t but there were different kind of high, not all of them were bad and some were for sure worse than other.

“You name it, Kit Kat, Acid, E.. but mainly Coke” Jace looked down at his phone again.

Magnus lifted his cup and tried to take a sip but had to put it down again, feeling like he was about to throw up.

“I don’t think that is too good for him” Magnus tried.

“No shit Sherlock” Jace answered without looking up.

“Why don’t you talk to him?”

“Excuse me Mr. Warlock” Jace sat up and put his phone down on the table “What exactly is it that you do for a living again? I’m not into that shit and I for fucking sure didn’t get him into it!”

Magnus knew he was talking with two tongues here, but he stuck by his opinion that he didn’t want Alec mixed up in it, especially if he wasn’t emotionally fully there yet. Magnus had used when he was in his early twenties, but he very rarely touched anything anymore, he hadn’t in years actually. Some drugs he was fine with, some not so much, but a cocktail like Alec was mixing up was never good.

“I know I might not be the right person, but I’m worried” Magnus tried to speak calmly, hoping the feeling would spread to Jace.

“Maybe not the right person? Hm.. let me see.. You are the reason he feels like he needs it AND you are the one providing him with it.” Jace was glaring at him “But sure, be worried and see how much that helps”

Magnus rubbed the temples of his head with his fingers. Jace was right of course, but it wasn’t like Magnus could talk to him or like Alec would even listen if he had the chance to and he also couldn’t tell his guys to cut him off, he was a Lightwood after all.

“I’m not blaming you Jace, I am just saying that he might listen to you”

Jace grabbed his phone and leaned back in the chair again “That's not how Alec’s brain work”.

“What do you mean?”

Jace huffed again “Did you know him at all?”

Magnus’s stomach hurt again, it was like every time the subject was brought up he was reminded that it was like his body wouldn’t allow him to get over Alec.

When Magnus didn’t answer, Jace must have taken it as a ‘no’ and went on “Alec has an addictive personality.. He rarely wants anything, but when he actually wants something it doesn’t feel like ‘want’, to him its ‘need’.” Jace was looking back down at his phone again as he spoke, probably still playing the same game. “I hope you feel like shit when you hear this so I’ll just add that that's what it was like for him with you. You were his drug of choice and now that he can’t have it he is substituting you with anything and anyone he can..” Jace’s eyes were cold when he looked up the next time and his met Magnus’

“Anyone?” Magnus echoed, it was barely a whisper. Swallowing he shook his head and pushed his chair back and stood up. He had no right to feel jealous, but the thought of someone else, anyone but him touching Alec in that way made him want to scream “I can’t do this.”

Jace stood up as well when Magnus did and put his phone away “Aren’t you?”

Magnus gave Jace a look of disgust, like the thought of sleeping with anyone else was offensive to him, and in a way it was. “How many times do I have to tell you? I didn’t know it was Alexander and even if you think I knew, I still had nothing to do with it..” Magnus had to take a deep breath to not actually start crying “I have never felt for anyone what I felt.. what I still feel for him and I would die for him to just look at me one more time the way he used to, so don’t you DARE think I would or even could just go out and find someone to replace him.”

Magnus’ heart was racing when he brushed passed Jace and out of the coffee shop. He needed to get back home, he didn’t think he could be in public anymore. Walking quickly down the sidewalk, he could hear Jace shouting behind him, but he just kept on walking until a hand on his arm stopped him and pulled him around.

“Bane..” Jace shifted uncomfortably, it was clear that he was not really fit enough yet to even move quickly without feeling discomfort.

“What?” Magnus pulled away from his grip.

“Are you lying or do you actually feel like that.. and I will shoot you right here in front of everyone if I think you are bullshitting me” Jace’s tone carried a hint of warning.

Magnus didn’t doubt for a second that Jace might actually.

“That's what I feel” Magnus started “And I have said that..”

“Yeah yeah” Jace interrupted him “You didn’t do it and you didn’t know, I’ve heard that already. I don’t care, Alec don’t care either.. It’s not about whether or not you knew it was him. You need to see it from his side, ok?” Jace looked like he was thinking for a second before he went on “You saw Alec as Alexander and Angel.. but Alec just saw himself as Alec, so to hear that you hated ‘Angel’ and wanted him dead meant that you hated ‘Alexander’ and wanted him dead because to him that's the same.. You need to stop saying you didn’t know and you didn’t do it, the fact is that you wanted him dead and whether or not you knew what that actually meant means fuck all to him.. Am I making any sense here?”

Magnus nodded, he actually understood what Jace was trying to say. Magnus rubbed his face with both hands, which wasn’t a very smart move when you were wearing makeup in public, but he didn't care and let out a sigh. “That's all well and good Jace, but I don’t think it makes a difference now though..”

“Of course it does” Jace said and Magnus looked up at him, feeling like a massive question mark where he stood.

“How? It changes nothing” Magnus said with as sigh as he got bumped into by a man hurrying past them.

“Does it change anything that Alec is Angel?” Jace grabbed a hold of Magnus and pulled him out of the way from people pushing past them, standing close to the store window they stood outside.

“I am not following you at all now Jace” Magnus gave Jace a confused look.

“If you could have Alec back tomorrow, would it bother you that his last name is Lightwood? Do you hate them more than you want him?” Jace asked, clearly frustrated with Magnus not understanding him.

“No” Magnus answered faster than he had expected. He had thought about it, of course he had. He felt guilty saying it too, with what had happened to his parents, but having Alec didn’t mean he would have to go around mama-Lightwood’s for thanksgiving or anything like that. It hadn't been Alec who had done it, and it was unfair to blame him, he knew that now.

“Well, if you don’t care about his last name and you like him like you say you do.. go get him back, just know that you get both if you do.. Alec and Angel in one” Jace stated matter-of-factly.

Magnus tipped his head back and almost wanted to sob in frustration “I thought you were going somewhere with this” he started and looked at Jace again who had a look on his face like he actually thought what he had said was clever “Last time I saw Alec, he held a gun to my head because he truly believes that I tried to kill him” biting the inside of his lip, Magnus added sadly “He doesn’t even believe that I ever wanted him.. he thinks I just pretended.”

Jace folded his arms over his chest again “So you are telling me that you care that much, but him pointing a gun at you is enough for you to back away? You just need to prove that you actually do care and that it’s not a fucking act” Jace was shaking his head again, something he had done a lot today “My girlfriend has had me at gunpoint several times since we got together, it’s not like she actually pulls the trigger.. And Alec didn't and won't”

Magnus took a step back in shock “That doesn’t sound like a very healthy relationship”

“Oh shut up.. I work out with Alec, I saw the bruises and bite marks.. You gotta choke someone pretty hard for those kind of bruises I saw around his neck to form”

Magnus actually felt angry. What he and Alec had done had been something they had both wanted and enjoyed and Jace making it out to sound like some kind of abuse truly infuriated him. He could defend it, but he didn’t feel the need to explain to Jace that Alec had wanted it just like that, it simply wasn’t his business. “You are making it sound like it was something it wasn’t” he said in an almost bitter tone.

“You don’t know if I get off on it either tho.. Have you seen my girlfriend? I’d deep throat that gun she had pointed at my head if she wanted to” Jace said with a crooked smile.

Magnus didn’t want to know. He was usually comfortable with these subjects, but he wasn’t sure the ‘thrill’ that followed the risk of brutally being killed was something he saw as a natural part of someone’s sex life. He knew better than to comment further though and for all he knew, that was something Jace actually liked.

“Ok Jace, but this isn’t helping me, so if you would excuse me, I want to go home and forget what you just told me” Magnus was just about to turn and walk away when Jace spoke again.

“Alec needs you”

Magnus bit his lip but took the bait and stopped.

“I lied earlier when I said I thought he’d be fine. He is off his tits all the time, does as much on a Monday as a Saturday.. and when he is sober, he cries all the time..” Jace looked different when he said it “He doesn’t function sober and he doesn’t function when he is not and it’s going to get him killed, that kind of shit always does.. But, and I am going out on a limb here in trusting you, I think you can help” Jace inhaled sharply, clearly bothered with the situation.

Magnus caught himself reaching up to rub his chest over his heart. He wasn’t sure if he could handle getting his hopes up if it meant he would just crash and burn later - but if there was a chance, a real chance, he also didn’t think he could live with himself if he didn’t try.

“This Friday.. Purgatory down town, we will be there.. you should too” Jace took a deep breath “It’s not the time or place to try to get through to him, but you’ll see what I mean.. If you see him and how he is and don’t think you can handle it or you just don’t feel the same anymore, then just leave him be.. I’ll never tell him I told you to try” Jace took a few steps backwards “Now go home, when you are in I don’t have to watch you and I feel a headache coming on.. so go on” Jace then turned around and headed down the street they came from.

Magnus stood there and just watched Jace walk away before he turned around and headed home, having no idea if he would be able to even go there the next Friday, afraid of what he would see and what he would feel when he saw it.

——

Magnus wasn’t feeling too well, but he had convinced Raphael to come with him so he couldn’t back off. After Simon had come back, Raphael was slowly turning back to his old self. Simon had explained that he had been treated rather well while he had been the Lightwood’s prisoner which also helped a lot. It had been hard to hear how they had threatened to go after Raphael and what the fear of them doing that had done to Simon if he didn’t talk and Magnus didn’t blame him for talking since he had been the one suggesting Simon be put in the position where he could be made to. Raphael had forgiven Magnus after a few weeks, or at least started the process of it, and now it was almost like it had been before all of it started.

“I don’t think you have been here in ages” Raphael said in his normal dry tone as they entered the club. They might be under the Lightwood’s thumb, but they were still royalty in the city when they first went out. Everyone knew you didn’t piss of the suppliers or you were cut off.

“I used to love it here” Magnus confessed as they made their way through the VIP entrance and out on the top floor with the overhanging balcony and the two wide staircases leading up from the floor below that both were guarded by several big bouncers.

Purgatory had been the place to be for as long as Magnus had lived in the city and even though he hadn’t been out much the last year, that still ring true. You still had to be on the list or way above average good looking to even get in here and that was the main floor. The dance floor up here were crowded with A-listers and whoever they had brought with them, around that area were several big seating groups that were all reserved for those who could afford it or were big enough names in the city. Raphael walked over towards ‘their’ table which was already in use (and that was fair, they were early there) but as soon as he came close the bouncers that were the closest walked over and told whoever they were to move. Magnus didn’t recognise them so they were probably someone newly famous for something like being on a reality show or something

Sitting down, Magnus leaned back and took a deep breath.

“Nervous?” Raphael asked as Magnus looked around.

“Not going to lie, I am positively shitting myself” Magnus admitted with a nervous smile as a young woman came over to take their orders.

Champagne was usually what Magnus preferred to drink when he was out and Raphael was pretty much the same, unless they had a very particular red wine he liked. Magnus kept looking around without spotting Alec or Jace. A very questionably dressed young girl leaned down and tried to get Magnus’ attention but he waved her away, not in the mood to even entertain the girl and her hopes of hooking up with someone with money.

“One of them have made it” Raphael said just as their drinks came and Magnus looked in the direction Raphael was.

Across the floor, Isabelle was walking and when you saw her in a crowd like this you truly appreciated just how dangerously beautiful she was. The crowd parted around her and her long black hair moved like waves as she walked. Her tightly fitted short skirt and cropped top left little to the imagination and with a body like hers no one were complaining. There were a lot of both men and women who kept their eyes on her for maybe a little too long, but he couldn’t exactly blame them. Magnus eyes met hers for a few seconds and she gave an almost friendly nod before walking over to where the Lightwoods always sat. Where she sat down, another beautiful woman with fiery red hair already was seated, more covered up than Isabelle but still looking better than most of the girls in the room.

“That made is worse, her being almost nice” Magnus said and let out as a sigh as he leaned back with his glass, at least he knew how to act in a place like this and if anyone looked at him they wouldn’t be able to tell that he was mentally struggling to sit upright because of nerves.

“What? You got a thing for her too?” Raphael sounded unimpressed.

“Her too? Now do you mean as in ‘I got a thing for her brother AND her’ or that both me AND your boyfriend got a thing for her?” Magnus asked and smiled when Raphael did. It was nice being back to how it had been, Magnus having sorely missed Raphael’s company.

They sat there for a good while and just chatted and commented on some of the older guests that tried way too hard as well as those who were just old enough to be allowed in and didn’t know what to do with themselves.

“Hey.. Big B, my man.. as soon as you come, business blooms” Simon slid down on the couch next to Magnus and flashed him a wide grin.

“Please don’t ever call me that again” Magnus smiled.

“Are you working?” Raphael sounded a bit surprised but Simon just nodded.

“It’s a good crowd today and mama needs them dollar bills”

Both Magnus and Raphael rolled their eyes at that one, but it was nice to have Simon back to his old self.

“Have you seen Alexander?” Magnus asked. He had wanted to more casually slip it into the conversation but it just fell out of him.

Simon nodded.

“Where?” Magnus looked around, not seeing him.

“The little boys room” Simon answered and brushed one finger over the tip of his nose, without words telling Magnus exactly what Alec was doing.

Magnus took a deep breath “Who’s keeping him fed?”

Simon pointed at himself with both hands, not seeming bothered about it as he moved with the beat of the music while still sitting down.

“You?” Magnus shook his head and emptied half of his glass in one go “what is he having?”

“Yes, because I’m not suicidal and what Angel wants, Angel gets.. and also, it’s good business” Simon still didn’t seem bothered “And today it’s Stardust, maybe some of the other guys have given him something else..Could be acid, he is showing signs”

Magnus didn’t like how Simon talked about it like this was no big deal and nothing new.

“How long have you..” Magnus started but lifted his gaze for a second and spotted Alec who was moving backwards through the crowd, pulling some guy who was laughing with him. He was wearing low hanging jeans and when he lifted his arm holding a bottle of champagne and his t-shirt was pulled up, Magnus was pretty sure he could tell that there was no more fabric than those who pieces of clothing on him. The sting of jealousy hit him a lot harder than he had thought it would and he couldn’t take his eyes of him as he moved with the people. He was beautiful, of course he was, but he shifted between stumbling and moving almost gracefully, clearly under the influence of something.

Magnus kept his eyes on him as he watched Alec climb the railing on the balcony, not liking how he swayed as he stood there while people were reaching for him and just randomly touching him. Magnus of course couldn’t hear anything over the music and with the lights flashing it was also impossible to try make out what they were screaming over there. When Alec lifted the champagne bottle, which Magnus recognised as a Pol Roger bottle that could cost $1000 a pop, and poured it into the mouths of several guys and girls standing beneath him while holding it like it was supposed to symbolise something completely different, Magnus felt the stem of his own glass crack in his hand from the pressure of his hand.

“Magnus” Raphael was trying to get in touch with him, but Magnus couldn’t take his eyes off Alec. Magnus watched as Alec suddenly stumbled and for a second Magnus thought he would fall backwards over the edge of the balcony, gasping just as a hand came up and grabbed Alec’s t-shirt which ripped when the fabric gave up trying to hold his weight. Alec waved his arms to try and keep his balance and then laughed as he almost tripped forward into the crowd instead, dropping the bottle. Being pulled down, Magnus could tell who it was and had never in his life been more glad to see Jace.

Magnus looked away and over at Raphael who actually had a hint of pity in his eyes.

“He isn’t acting all that bad” Magnus tried, because he wasn’t acting worse than many others his age would, it was just that this was not how Alec ever acted. Simon had moved over to sit next to Raphael now and Raphael’s hand rested on the inside of Simon’s thigh like he was trying to send a signal to anyone who looked his way.

“Could be worse” Raphael nodded, but they both knew that it wasn’t a good sign when someone changed the way they behaved this much.

“SIMON” Magnus turned his head, recognising Alec’s voice and seeing him come over towards them, or towards Simon. He had one arm wrapped around the shoulders of a curvy girl with long white hair. Jace was walking right behind him and Magnus was so thankful he could have kissed him when Jace pushed back one of the guys that had been hanging onto Alec earlier and stopped him from coming up to him.

“MY CANDY MAN” Alec still shouted even though he was now close enough for them all to hear him well.

Simon moved away from Raphael and stood up, grabbing Alec’s hand and then then slid his hand out of his grip. The way Alec instantly moved his hand to his pocket after made it clear that he had been slipped something from Simon. The owners of this club didn’t mind that, but they did mind it being openly showed so it was usually how it was done unless they were outside or in the bathroom.

Alec was so close now, Magnus knew that if he sat up straight and leaned just a little forward he could touch him, and still he felt like they were miles apart as Alec hadn’t even noticed that he was there.

“You have to help me Simon, I need to sleep” Magnus heard and knew what he was talking about. With the amount of drugs he was taking to keep his high it wasn’t usual that you had to come back for something to help you relax as well.

“I got you” Simon nodded “5 min” he said and then slipped past Alec and the couch and disappeared into the crowd.

“Jace.. Do you have my drink?” Alec turned his head to look at Jace but stopped when his and Magnus’ eyes met. For a second it was like Magnus could see something he recognised in them, but they were both out of focus and wide awake at the same time and his pupils dilated almost so much you couldn’t see the colour of his eyes.

“Magnus?” Alec laughed “Damn..”

“Hello Alec” Magnus felt his voice break a little as he spoke as he could now see how Alec actually looked up close. He kept on sniffling and every so often it looked like he was about to collapse and only one or both of Jace’s steady hands kept him up. He looked tired with dark rings under his eyes, his lips looked dry and though he shivered like he was cold he was sweating.

“Magnus here is my ex” Alec was looking at the girl he had his arm around “You know, he tried to kill me because he hated me so much.. great story, I should sell the rights to it to Disney, it could be a hit if they animated it.. 'The warlock and the gullible little dumbass' I think would be a good title”

The girl was laughing without knowing what she was actually laughing about. Magnus was struggling to stay where he was, part of him wanted to get up and leave and the other part, the part that was screaming the loudest in his head, wanted to wrap his arms around Alec and apologise and tell him he missed him.

“So yeah, That's the ex and Magnus this is..” Alec stopped and looked at her and laughed “Shit, who the fuck are you?”

“Gretel” The girl laughed and Magnus felt an overwhelming want to tell her to fuck off.

“Gretel? Like the fairytale.. thats gay” Alec stumbled slightly forward and leaned over the table, picking up the champagne bottle. Magnus and Raphael both just looked at him, it wasn’t like it hadn’t been true before when Simon had said that what Alec wanted, Alec got and if he was on drugs as well it wasn’t too smart to piss him off. “But I like gay.. so it’s all good” Alec took a swing of the bottle and Jace grabbed his arm and pulled him up so he was standing more straight again. Alec and Jace had used to go out together, but now it looked like Jace was less out with him and more there working to take care of him.

“You know what I mean?” Alec turned his head back to look at Magnus.

Magnus tried to give a brave smile, hoping that it would come across friendly because he didn’t know what to say and everything he wanted to say he couldn’t. Jace had been right, there was no way you would get though to him when he was in this state and to see him like this was breaking Magnus’ heart.

“When me and Magnus were together, he used to bend me..” Alec was talking to the girl.

“Alexander” Magnus quickly interrupted. He had forgot about not calling him ‘Alexander’ and had just wanted Alec to stop talking, not wanting him to tell some random girl something he didn’t think Alec would have liked to say if he was sober. At the sound of his name, Alec turned and looked at him and the look of hostility on his face made Magnus wish he hadn’t said anything.

Alec lifted the champagne bottle again and poured a little too much into his mouth, half of it running down the side of his face and neck, soaking up in the ripped t-shirt. Stumbling again, Magnus could see that Jace had reached out to steady him yet again. As long as Alec had stood here, Jace has kept gently helping him stand up.

“Where is Simon? I wanna go” Alec tightened his arm around the white haired girl “you can come.. if I just get a BIT more drunk and it's really REALLY dark I am sure I can pretend you have a dick.. and if you bend over and I don’t reach around, how would I even know if you didn’t?”

The girl acted like she was offended but giggled as she pushed at Alec playfully.

“Nah.. I’ll find someone else” Alec said and licked up the side of the girl’s face who squirmed and laughed again.

Magnus bit his lip hard and blinked slowly, feeling a sting of tears pressing against his eyelids. It wasn’t jealousy towards the girl, it was just painful to see Alec like this. When he had seen Alec last, Alec had had screamed and threatened him, but at least he had been himself and had let something- now it was like his Alec wasn’t even there anymore.

Magnus had to get out of there and stood up, wishing he hadn’t come in the first place. Simon was just getting back and was about to hand Alec something and Magnus figured he could slip away without them noticing. Raphael had already stood up too, having understood where this was going before Magnus probably had. He was about to step past Alec when he felt something brush down his arms to his hand before he felt someone else’s hand grabbing a hold of his.

“Hey..” He could hear Alec’s voice, even if it sounded strange and slow.

Magnus looked down at his hand and then up and over his shoulder at Alec who looked like he had cleared up for a second. Magnus felt him gently give his hand a squeeze before Alec pulled his hand back, the thing in his eyes fading and they were taken over by something else. It was like he had been there for a second and then he was gone again. Alec made a face “I dunno..” he mumbled and turned away from him again.

Outside and around the corner from the entrance, Magnus leaned against the wall and closed his eyes.

“Magnus” Raphael was speaking softly, having followed him.

“I don’t think I should have come” Magnus didn’t want to open his eyes.

“And I think that you are just saying that because of what he said and because he wasn’t himself” Raphael challenged him.

“I don’t know” Magnus slowly opened his eyes and looked down at his right hand which he had held his glass in. The stem of the glass that broke in his hand earlier had cut his hand without him noticing and his hand was still bleeding.

“He really isn’t that bad” Raphael was trying to be the voice of reason “We see worse all the time, he is just different”

Magnus nodded slowly. Looking over at his left hand that Alec had just held, he closed it like he was trying to preserve the memory of how it had felt.

“If you love him, you do it.. if you don’t, don’t” Raphael said and reached out and grabbed Magnus shoulder and pulled him away from the wall, wrapping his arm around Magnus’ and pulling him along towards some parked and waiting taxis “He is in there and it’s early days, you can wing him of that stuff.. I don’t like the guy and I’m still team-do-it” Raphael opened the door to the taxi and waited until Magnus got in and had given the driver his address before leaning down to look at him “Go home and sleep, call me tomorrow.. I’m going go back and get Simon before I head home, but.. Take care, ok?”

Magnus nodded and leaned his head back and closed his eyes again as Raphael shut the door. He tried to block out everything except those few seconds Alec had touched him as they drove through the city and home.


	9. Texting 101

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Explaining:**  
>  MPV = Magnus' Point of View  
> APV = Alec's Point of View  
> —— = Time jump  
> NB! Slightly shorter chapter again to try and keep the time frames in each chapter connected.

**APV**

Alec opened his eyes and looked up at the ceiling of his room. Licking his lips, Alec made a face at the foul taste of his own mouth and groaned as the reality of what his life was started to bleed into his thoughts. Whimpering at the returning pain of remembering where he was and more importantly, where he wasn’t and why he wasn’t there. There was a movement next to him and he tipped his head to the side to see the back of man laying next to him that he couldn’t actually remember. Alec’s hand was under the pillow that the man had his head on and he pulled it back as he felt shivers run down his spine in disgust and self loathing. Blinking quickly to stop himself from crying he sat up and let his legs fall over the edge of the bed and he reached around himself, rubbing his own shoulders and arms like he could rub whatever he had done off himself.

Everything around him felt dirty and dark and he leaned down and picked up the pair of jeans he had been wearing the night before. His hands were trembling as he was doing up the buttons and it ended up taking a lot longer than it should. On his way over to the window he picked up a half full whiskey bottle from the floor and gulped down as much as he could in one go. Every inch of his body was screaming with pain and his head felt like it was about to explode as his thoughts spun around in there. Alec pulled the curtains open as saw that the sun was already on its way down, it was good, he didn’t like the sun anymore anyway. Rolling his shoulders he felt how tense he was and he knew he needed to relax, if he could just make his head shut up and for the pain to go away.

Taking another swing at the bottle, Alec went through the pockets of his trousers until he found what he needed. Pulling the small plastic bag out of his trouser he threw it down on the table next to the window and looked between the empty bottles covering it for anything he could use, finally finding a card of sorts. Alec poured out the content of the small plastic bags onto the smooth surface of the table, but when he was trying to divide it into lines his hands were shaking so much it was making it impossible.

“FUCK” Alec shouted. With a swing of his arm he pushed half the bottles of the table and sent them crashing to the floor. Leaning forward and resting his weight against the table, Alec hung his head down as he was trying to breath slowly to relax himself enough to get through it.

“Hey” A sleepy voice sounded from behind him.

Alec felt an urgent need to empty the content of his stomach when he heard the man in his bed speak and shivered visibly, trying to just ignore him.

“Hey man, are you ok?” The man spoke again.

Alec grabbed a hold of the table to keep himself from swaying back and forth “Shut up”.

“Geeze” The man started.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP” Alec shouted as he turned around and looked at him. The man that sat in his bed had short black hair and tanned warm skin, Asian features and just a hint of stubbles on his chin. For a split second he looked like Magnus, even if he didn’t really look like him at all, but for a split second Alec felt a peace he hadn’t felt for so long. Keeping on looking at the man made the world come crashing down around him again as he realised that it wasn’t him- it wasn’t Magnus. Alec reached back and grabbed one of the bottles still on the table and flung it though the room in the direction of the bed and it exploded against the wall above the man.

“GET OUT, JUST GET THE FUCK OUT”

The door to his room swung open just as Alec turned back to the table, holding onto it as he sunk to his knees. Pressing his forehead hard against the tabletop as he tried to breath slowly, his entire body shaking.

He could hear Jace talk but the words didn’t make sense to him. Everything was a blur around him and it was like everything was speeding up one second and slowing down to an almost stand still the next. His breathing was stuttering and the thought of moving or even opening his eyes were terrifying, everything around him just bringing him more pain.

Alec didn’t know how much time had passed but the door to his room was shut and the room fell almost completely silent again.

“Come on Alec, he is gone” Jace’s voice was calm and caring as he rested a hand on Alec’s shoulder.

Alec didn’t move, he didn’t want to move.

“Come on, Magnus wouldn’t want you to do this to yourself”

The sound of Magnus’ name made Alec flinch and he pulled away from Jace’s touch, trying to pull himself up.

“Don’t” Alec’s voice sounded rough even to himself.

“You’d realise it was true if you weren’t fucked up all the time” Jace spoke, standing behind him.

Feeling sick, Alec looked down at the table “Don’t talk about him.. I don’t wanna hear about him” the words stuck in his mouth, but he forced them out “I hate him”

“I think you’ve told yourself that so many times you are starting to believe it yourself, but it’s ok to miss him” Jace reached out and gently rested his hand on his shoulder again.

Alec tried to pulled away for a second time “I don’t..” he lied and grabbed the card he had had earlier and started lining up the coke, his hands still trembling, but not nearly as much as they had earlier.

“I think he misses you though” Jace’s hand moved down to his arms as he spoke “and come on Alec, you don’t need that”

Alec didn’t believe him and he did need this now, he needed the pain to go away. Rolling up a fifty dollar bill lying on the table, Alec bent down over the plate. Jace tried to pull his arm, but Alec just pulled his arm back before snorting up a long line and almost instantly felt a small rush. Closing his eyes he let out a relieved sigh, the pain of the world around him fading and being replaced by a pleasurable high that made his skin tingle. Alec did a second line before standing up straight again, tipping his head back and letting his eyelids flutter, being able to relax a little as his head cleared up.

Jace let out sigh behind him.

Alec ignored it and just pulled away from Jace and headed over to his closet. He was running low and needed to get out before the effect wore out.

“You need to stop this”

“No, YOU need to stop. I do need this” Alec snapped. Sniffling as he grabbed a thin jumper and pulled it on.

“You don’t..” Jace’s voice was coming from a little closer “You are up then down and all over the place, you look like shit and and when did you even shower last?”

Alec turned half around and saw that Jace had followed him over and was standing right behind him “I’m fine”.

“Fine? Look around you, look at yourself.. you are losing your shit” Jace was annoyed “And for a guy?”

“Fuck off Jace, you don’t know shit about this” Alec slammed the door to the closet shut.

“I don’t? I know you better than you know yourself now days! If you want Magnus why don’t you just go and fuck him instead of fucking some poor excuses for a Magnus look-a-like” Jace’s tone was steady but more hostile.

“Fuck you” Alec shoved Jace back hard enough for him to stumble.

“Oh, that's it?” Jace took a step closer again, challenging Alec “I call you out on your pathetic one night stand and that's all? Fuck me? really?” Jace snapped.

“Yes, fuck you.. just leave me alone” Alec’s head was still hurting and he cursed Jace for fucking up his high.

“Your parents killed his parents, he wanted revenge.. get over it”

Alec pressed his hand against his forehead and groaned “Seriously Jace, just drop it”

“No, if you are going to kill yourself over it I want you to at least know how fucking stupid you are for doing it” Jace was within reach again now “He wanted to revenge his parents death, you of all people should understand the need for revenge! He actually knew that Izzy was Izzy and she still manages to pull on her big girl trousers and work with him.. I got hurt a lot worse than you in the accident and I am able to see past it.. so just fucking GET. OVER. IT”

Before Alec could think he had punched Jace in the face and watched him stumble backwards again while he reached up to cover his nose.

“Fuck” Jace swore as he gained his footing “You dumb shit.. I just recovered from having my head split open and you punch me in the face?”

Alec didn’t actually feel any pain but shook his hand out of habit. He hadn’t meant to do it, it sort of just happened and now he felt an added guilt as he realised how dangerous it could have been.

“I’m sorry” Alec heard how stupid it sounded right after having done it, but he had just reacted without thinking.

“No, fuck your apology” Jace stepped away from him.

“Jace, I’m sorry.. I can’t think straight, I need to get out” Alec needed to get a hold of Simon, he needed to get something to make him feel better.

Jace bent down and picked up what turned out to be a t-shirt and pressed it against his face to stop the bleeding. “No, you need to get your fucking act together and get over it” Jace sounded a little nasal when he spoke.

Alec took a deep breath, he knew that the effect of the coke wouldn’t last too long and he needed to get a hold of something else because it felt like his skin was getting too tight for his body. Breathing seemed harder with every breath and the more time passed, the worse he was starting to feel again. “He doesn’t like me and he never did so just stop bringing him up.. I know I need to get over it, over him, and this is how I am doing it so just deal with it”.

“You are so dumb. Your tiny little pea brain has turned into mash or some shit” Jace mumbled behind the fabric pressed to his face.

Alec looked around for his shoes and saw them over by the bed “If you say so” he mumbled as he walked over and sat down on the edge of it while trying to pull them on.

“Yes I say so! Unlike you, I have actually talked to him and I believe him when he says he cares” Jace groaned.

Alec stopped what he was doing and looked at Jace and bit the inside of his lower lip hard, for some reason not liking that Jace and Magnus had talked without him knowing it. "If you think he is so great, why don't you go out with him" Alec spat in a bitter tone and went about pulling on his shoes.

“Are you five years old or something? He has no reason to lie, just call him” Jace pulled the t-shirt away from his face and felt his nose, but he was still bleeding.

“No” Alec said as he got his other shoe on.

“Then text him.. just text him and say ‘hi’, if you do that I swear I will NEVER bring him up again” Jace said and walked over towards him, grabbed his phone on the bedside table and threw it over to him.

Alec tried to catch the phone mid-air but reacting too slowly and it hit his chest with a thud and fell down in his lap. Groaning in annoyance Alec picked it up while glaring at Jace “Just a hi and you shut up?”

“I swear on my good looks” Jace nodded.

“Fine” Alec opened his phone and found his messages. He couldn’t remember Magnus’ number but because his old phone had been backed up he still had his contact saved, not having been able to delete it just yet. Typing in ‘hi’, Alec pressed send and showed Jace the screen. “Never again! That was the deal”

Jace Pretended to zip his mouth shut and nodded.

Alec pushed his phone into his pocket after he got up and turned his back on Jace, heading for the door and leaving him behind.

 

**MPV**

It had been almost a full week since Magnus had gone to Purgatory and seen Alec. He hadn’t slept well, but he had agreed with himself and Raphael that in the end it was good that he had gone and seen him. He had talked to Jace twice whenever Jace had found him when he was out but Jace hadn’t pushed the subject of deciding one way or the other on what to do. Magnus had needed the time to think, he didn’t know how to go about it and had instead been thinking about how it could be possible to get Alec to maybe at least cut down on whatever he was using, but so far neither him nor Raphael had managed to come up with something too concrete. To try to get his mind off everything he had decided to move again and spent the better part of the week viewing different places before he had found something that he liked that wasn’t too far away from where he lived now.

Magnus watched Raphael look around in the room they were standing in, the bare walls and floors were screaming for something to cover them.

“It’s a bit on the small side” Raphael said and looked up at the high ceiling.

Magnus nodded “Small? It’s got a pool and a gym, it’s much bigger than what I had, the rooms are smaller but this got a lot more living surface”

“Still, I thought you liked open spaces” Raphael commented.

“I did” Magnus admitted “But lately it just felt like it was taking more than it gave me.”

Raphael walked over to the connected kitchen and looked over the finish of it “Don’t tell me you are moving just because the rooms in your flat feel too big because Alec isn’t over there all the time”

“Ouch, sensitive much?” Magnus made a face “And no, it’s actually coming from when he was around. It felt like we were in a museum..” he paused “I couldn’t make it feel romantic no matter how hard I tried, it would just have been better if the rooms were smaller and more cozy. Also, I think I want to settle down and not move every two years, so I needed something big.. big but cozy”

“Cozy? You are getting old my friend” Raphael leaned down and disappeared out of view.

“I am” Magnus nodded to himself.

“Hey guys” Simon called out and Magnus looked up at the overhanging floor and saw Simon hang over the rail “I am loving the bedroom, only let down is that if you have someone over for a party you can’t go upstairs for a quick shag while the guests are downstairs, you know, because of the lack of doors and all.”

Magnus smiled and shook his head “I don’t think that’s going to be a problem Simon”

“Not with that attitude” Simon smiled and headed back into the space that was the bedroom.

“What did you give?” Raphael asked, having come up from behind the kitchen counter.

“More than what I am comfortable saying” Magnus just answered “but nothing needs to be done here so I can move in as soon as I get furniture to fill the place with”

“Changing everything?” Raphael asked as he came back around from the kitchen.

“Keeping the bed, that's it” Magnus said as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and pulled it up and looked at it. Looking at the screen he froze and just stared at it, unable to do anything. The message from Alec just read ‘hi’, but it was the first message he had got from him since before the accident and Magnus didn’t know how to react.

“Magnus?” Raphael walked over towards him “You look pale, what is it?”

“It’s..” Magnus opened his phone to look at the message to be sure it wasn’t just his phone showing him an old notification “It’s Alexander, a text.” Magnus looked up at Raphael who looked as surprised as him “maybe he sent it wrong?”

“What did it say?” Simon was heading down the stairs to the main floor.

“It just says hi” Magnus answered, his mouth feeling slightly dry.

“Text back ‘who dis’” Simon laughed but shut up as Raphael sent him an angry look “sorry, I was just joking.”

Magnus was still looking at his phone when it started ringing in his hand. He hadn’t saved the number so he didn’t know who it was but answered it anyway.

“Yes?” Magnus answered with, never giving his name when it was an unknown number.

“Magnus, it’s Jace”

“Jace? everything ok?”

“Yes, well no but you know.. did you get a text?”

“Eh, I just got one from Alexander yes”

“Ok, good.. don’t let him not answer, ok? When you answer.. well, IF you decide to answer then make sure you keep him talking”

“Did you send the text from his phone?”

“No, he did but I might have kind of convinced him under pressure to do it”

“Why didn’t you just ask me to text him first instead of threatening him to?”

“I needed HIM to start it, if it was you then he might think you were after something but if HE text first then it’s only natural that you text back”

“I’m not sure if this is going to help with the situation” Magnus said just as Simon’s phone started ringing in the background. Simon got his phone out and looked at Magnus while pointing at his screen where Alec’s name was flashing. Nodding in an urgent way for Simon to pick up, Magnus watched as Simon did before turning his attention back to his conversation with Jace.

“Jace, he just called Simon now” Magnus started

“I guessed he would, he said he needed to restock”

Magnus let out a sigh “Ok, I will sort something out and I will answer, but please let me know before you do something like that, I almost had a heart attack when I got the message”

“I didn’t plan it, it just fell into place.. but fine, but I got shit to do, but remember, ask questions to make sure he feels he should answer.”

Magnus and Jace said their goodbyes and hung up. Simon just got of the phone as well and were slipping his phone back into his pocket as he came over to them.

“He needed feeding” Simon made a face.

“Just help him out, but NOTHING new.. if he asks for anything he hasn’t had before then say you don’t have it and we’ll deal with it later” Magnus stressed.

“Ok, nothing new, got it” Simon nodded and turned for the door.

“Oh, and Simon” Magnus started

“Yup?” Simon turned and looked at him again.

“Unless he asks for something specific go for calm.. and stay with him, preferably at his so I know he is safe.”

Simon nodded again before heading out the door, leaving Raphael and Simon behind.

“So? You are definitely going to give it a go then?” Raphael smiled.

Magnus looked down at his phone and the message from Alec again and slowly nodded “Yeah, I guess”

“Invite him over” Raphael suggested.

“I am not sure he is ready for that yet” Magnus didn’t take his eyes of the very short message on his screen.

“No, you just bought a new place. Invite his sister and his friend Jace and enough people in important enough positions for them to feel like it’s necessary for them to show their faces. Mix business and pleasure and do it in style while being fabulous like you used to do” Raphael said in a tone like he was daring Magnus to do it “be the host that don’t greet his guests but has them come to him, if you give Alec attention when you don’t do it with the others he might feel special.”

“He is special” Magnus said but couldn’t help but smile.

“Maybe you’ll wish you had doors to your bedroom after all” Raphael said and gave a rare wink.

“Or maybe I’ll want to jump from the balcony, but I guess I have to try” Magnus replied with a sigh, but for the first time in a long time felt a little bit optimistic.

 

**APV**

Alec didn’t know how long he had been lying there, but his bed felt like the most wonderful place on earth and he didn’t want to move. The world around him was distant and strange, almost a little surreal. His skin was tingling but when he tried to look at his hand his eyes wouldn’t focus and the edges of his vision was static and colourful. He wasn’t tired but also not super energised, he was just at peace even if it felt a little like he was being tilted over without actually falling.

“You feel ok?” Simon’s voice broke the silence in Alec’s head.

“Yeah, I needed this” Alec said without moving “you should have joined”.

“I don’t use” Simon was leaned back in a chair not far from Alec’s bed.

“Really?” Alec mumbled “why not?”

“It’s not good for you” Simon was still sipping at his beer “and Raphael would kill me.”

“What?” Alec let out a laugh and blinked slowly, feeling the effect of the drug better when his eyes were closed “Isn’t he like one of the top guys?” Alec was struggling to find bigger words to use.

“Yeah, but none of the guys who do the running are allowed to use anything harder than green” Simon informed him.

“But” Alec struggled with the words again “Isn’t he like your boyfriend? You can get like.. an exception or something”

“He is, but that only makes it more strict” Simon sat forward and Alec smiled at him, it was like he had a colourful aura around him “plus he likes me clear headed, with what we do- you kind of have to be all there you know.”

“What you do?” Alec closed his eyes again and took a deep breath.

“Mmhm.. I like to push my boundaries and he needs to know that I will be able to both remember and be able to use my safe words if I need them.. It’s about respect and trust so, it's important.. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he pushed me too far, and I love him for it” Simon’s voice sounded like it was filtered through water before it reached Alec’s ears.

“Sounds nice” Alec smiled to himself.

“What does?”

“I don’t know” Alec almost whispered, the feeling of his high was starting to fade “You seem happy.”

“I am” Simon was standing up just as Alec opened his eyes “Do you want some water?”

“Mhm” Alec just hummed and then stayed still as Simon walked off. He wasn’t able to keep track of even the shortest amount of time so when Simon came back he didn’t know if he had been away for a minute or much longer.

“Here” Simon said and sat down a glass on the bedside table before grabbing a hold of Alec and helped him sit up in bed.

Reaching out, Alec picked up the glass and had a big gulp of water. His body was still numb but his head was slowly clearing up, but now he was getting tired.

“I should probably get going, if you are feeling ok that is?” Simon was still standing next to his bed.

“I think so” Alec was actually feeling pretty good, but this had also not been an energised high, it had been a slow and comforting one.

“Good, I think this might have been better for you than the stardust” Simon said, sounding serious but calm.

“Probably” Alec nodded, feeling drowsy.

“Call me if you need anything, but seeing you shouldn’t get a downer after this one you should be good until tomorrow” Simon smiled. Alec looked at him and it was like he faded in and out before he was suddenly gone and the room was completely silent.

Alec wasn’t sure how long he sat there staring into the nothing in front of him, but after a while he wiggled on the spot until he was able to move enough to lay down again. Rolling over on his side he reached out to grab his phone and opened it. He had got several messages from Izzy, Jace, Luke as well as several others - including one from Magnus. Alec just looked at his screen for the longest time until he remembered that Jace had made him send a text earlier that day. There was something inside of him that was screaming but the drugs in his system didn’t let him panic and his breathing stayed steady as he pushed to open the message.

“Hi beautiful, what are you doing?”

Alec read the message over and over again, trying to feel what he was feeling but instead he just had a warm hugging feeling that he didn’t know if came from the drugs or not. The lack of aggression and doubt gave Alec the opportunity to actually relax and smile a little, being able to ignore the buzzing feeling at the back of his head that was trying to tell him something. He just laid there for a long time and looked at the message before he decided to answer.

“in bed, u?”


	10. Warming up the place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Explaining:**  
>  MPV = Magnus' Point of View  
> APV = Alec's Point of View  
> —— = Time jump  
> 

**MPV**

Magnus had been surprised that Alec had actually answered his text, mainly because he had heard that Jace had pushed him into it. When he had got the text he had texted back that he too had been in bed and asked if he was tired. It was hard to come up with questions for every text, but he was trying to give what Jace had said a go. Alec hadn’t answered that text but he had got a ‘fell asleep’ the next day which had opened up for Magnus to text him again. Over the two weeks that followed he managed to maintain the contact even if he sometimes had to wait a day or even two for a reply.

Everything he asked Alec was just very small things and nothing about how Alec was feeling in general, only what he was doing or if he was feeling something specific like tired. When the two week mark closed in, Magnus had asked if he wanted to come to his house-warming party. Alec hadn’t answered for days then and Magnus had worried that maybe it was too much for him, but in the end he had gotten a reply. ‘Sure’. Magnus had cheated on day one of waiting and talked to Jace and informed him that he had asked Alec to come and Jace had promised to talk to Izzy and if she was going, sneak that into a conversation with Alec. Magnus had answered with ‘looking forward to seeing you’ and totally forgot the question, which he cursed himself for later as he didn’t get a reply.

When the day of the actual house-warming came, Magnus was struggling to keep himself fully together. He had planned on moving into the flat almost right away, but getting the furniture had taken longer than he had expected, especially with Raphael now having decided that he was some kind of interior expert and found something wrong with everything Magnus had picked out. In the end he listened to Raphael regarding some stuff and completely ignored him on other things and went with what he had originally wanted. Magnus had moved in just two days earlier and was just getting to know the place himself when it suddenly was filled up with people who were getting the place ready for the party.

Magnus hadn’t got a reply from Alec since he had forgotten the question in his text, but he had pulled Simon out from running and instead put him full-time on Alec to make sure that he was doing ok. Raphael had agreed as long as he had Jace’s word that Simon was safe at the Lightwood’s. Having Simon catering to Alec’s every need and calculate everything for him was like putting a doctor on him and Jace had given feedback that at least made it seem like Alec was calmer and more balanced. Alec was also less out partying, mixing drugs and alcohol, and spent more time at home just nursing his pain. Jace had at one point mentioned something about someone Alec had brought home and Magnus had felt such a jealous sting he had almost thrown up and asked Jace to not update him on anything like that, which he luckily hadn’t done any more. Magnus had told Simon to cut down on every ‘party drug’ after that and Simon had managed to almost completely wing him off it and over on other things.

Raphael had come a few hours before the people who would show early would, to be emotional support. Raphael had looked him up and down and Magnus had given him an almost nervous smile. Wearing dark trousers, a black low-buttoned shirt and his maroon coloured flowery jacket he was less dressed up than he was usually for these parties and Raphael of course noticed.

“Less in-your—face-fabulous than I had expected”

Magnus nodded and bit his lip “I am trying to cheat, I am pretty sure this is what I wore the first time I met Alec. Do you think that is a bad idea?”

“Ah, no! That could be clever” Raphael said and gave a look like he was a little impressed. “Change it up a little bit though. If he subconsciously remembers it he will find it both new but also familiar, if he is sober enough for his brain to function on such a deep level that is.”

Magnus nodded again “You are right, I will get a new jacket.” Magnus stuttered and rubbed his hands together nervously “and more makeup and jewellery, I feel naked.”

——

The party had been going on for a few hours without the Lightwood’s having shown their faces, but because Magnus was actually enjoying himself so he hadn’t thought too much about it. Simon had sent him a message and told him that Alec was having a good day, so Magnus had relaxed even if he didn’t know what a ‘good’ day was in Alec’s life any more. Magnus was leaned back on his new big and surprisingly comfortable couch that Raphael had hated, surrounded by people who were interested in just being near him. Most of the people were in the businesses that the Lightwood would operate in as well as lobbyist and A-listers who had weight to their name. Several people had brought someone with them as well, but the flat was taking the challenge and even though the rooms were smaller- it was working well. Magnus was sipping his Martini and observing the people and enjoying that the people around him seemed to be enjoying themselves, wishing he had held more parties lately.

Magnus hadn’t got up to greet a single person, just like Raphael had suggested and because the people that were here we're all here for him, it made most of them all the more interested in trying to get attention. Smiling against the rim of his glass at what a woman next to him was talking about, Magnus was caught off guard and almost choked on his drink when he saw Izzy, Jace, the redhead from the club the other night and Alec. Each of them could have captured the attention of the room on their own, together it was amazing that everyone around them didn’t just stop and stare. The redhead had her arm chained with Izzy’s and Magnus would have guessed that she was Izzy’s date for the day if it hadn’t been for the small kiss she gave Jace when he handed her a drink.

Alec was standing a little behind them, looking a little uncomfortable. He was wearing light grey trousers and a black tight fitting sweater that were rolled up on the sleeves. His shoes and belt were brown which Magnus couldn’t remember ever seeing Alec wear before. He was overall a little lighter dressed than he was usually and it was nice. Breathing out slowly, Magnus pushed up from the couch and tried to mentally man up as he cross the floor, grabbing a drink from a tray a hired-help for the day was carrying and walked up with it, offering it to Alec.

“Drink?”

There were clear signs that he was not at all clean, his pupils were dilated and he was fidgeting with his hands and looked around almost nervously. Magnus knew he shouldn’t offer him too many drinks, but it wasn’t like he was serving alcohol to a dry alcoholic here. Alec’s eyes met Magnus’ and he nodded and bit his lip as he took the drink offered to him. Izzy and the redhead had disappeared into the crowd of people, but Magnus could see that Jace was hanging behind and were watching Alec out of the corner of his eye.

“I like what you are wearing, looks very good on you” Magnus smiled. He thought Alec was the most beautiful person in the room by a mile, even when he looked tired and a little pale like he did now, but he decided to keep the compliment to a more normal level and not instantly confess his burning admiration of his looks.

“You never like what I wear” Alec said and took a sip of his drink. He was trying to keep eye contact while he spoke, he wasn’t succeeding fully, but Magnus was impressed with how well he was holding up considering the reports he had got.

“Lies, I never said anything like that” Magnus smiled and without thinking, reached out and grabbed a hold of one of the shoulder seams of his sweater to shift it so that it hung correctly over his shoulders.

Alec looked down and then back up at him and Magnus realised he had just done what he had used to do whenever Alec had got dressed at his place. Forcing the smile to stay on his face and cling to his confidence act, Magnus took a sip of his own drink.

“Your new place looks nice” Alec said, now fiddling with the glass in his hands instead.

“Thank you, I’ll give you a tour if you like?”

Alec looked at his glass for a second before looking up and nodding “sure”.

Magnus would have liked to take his hand, pull him through the crowd and pulled him into every room, stand behind him and wrap his arms around his waist, holding him close while kissing his shoulder and neck while telling him everything he wanted to do with him in each room- but he instead just turned and walked passed people, letting Alec follow on his own.

——

Magnus had showed Alec every room except the bedroom and the study and it had taken less than 15 minutes. Alec had looked around, but apart from a few comments on things he liked, he had been rather silent. People had been allowed to roam, so none of the rooms were empty, none except the two last ones which were off-limits. Magnus wasn’t actually sure he would actually show Alec the bedroom, for some reason it felt sleazy and as he pushed the door to the study open he decided he wouldn’t, especially since he had left it to last and it could be seen as suggestive.

“An office, that’s practical” Alec’s drink was empty now but he was still holding the glass.

The room went almost silent when the door slid shut behind them. You could hear choked sound from the people and the music though the walls but the room had been made to keep noise out and it was doing a good job, even with a party outside.

“Yes, I never liked having the meetings I held at my old place in the living room, seemed more personal than it was and I wasn’t comfortable with” Magnus said as watched Alec look though an opening in the wall that lead to a connecting room with a long table and several chairs.

“With a study, at least I would have known where to look for a pen” When Alec spoke it didn’t sound like he was directing it at Magnus, but more himself.

Magnus frowned and was about to ask what he meant but caught up and closed his mouth as he remembered how Alec had struggled to find a pen to leave his number behind the very first time they had met. The thought of Alec thinking back to that day tugged at Magnus heartstrings and he had to put his free hand in his pocket to stop himself from reaching for him.

Magnus didn’t know what to say, had no reply to it and before he got the chance to come up with something, Alec had turned around and were facing him.

“I’m gonna go find Izzy”.

Magnus followed Alec with his eyes as he walked back towards the door that would lead him back into the party “You’re leaving me already?”

Alec froze with his hand on the door handle and his head fell a little forward. “Don’t” Alec said and sounded almost a little sad as he pushed the door open, leaving Magnus behind. The sound from outside entering the room and filled it before the door slid closed and choked it again.

 

Magnus leaned back against the desk that stood in the middle of the room and put his own empty glass down. He had never had trouble with flirting or making his feelings know, but he was just so scared that if he said something wrong it would spook Alec and it ended with him not daring to say or do anything.

Staying for at least ten minutes in the silence, Magnus finally made his way back to the party. People were still having a good time and he ended up on the balcony with several people who he actually had to impress. Politics bored him, but he needed to stay on the good side of those who made sure laws weren’t passed that would hurt his business, and these people lobbied for exactly that.

——

A few hours passed and people around him were starting to get more intoxicated and behaved more freely as he left the balcony and headed back inside again and instantly spotted Alec swinging his sister around in what he assumed was a form of dance. Izzy looked happy but drunk and probably not aware of the state of her brother, Alec looked high and not just a little. Biting his lip hard, Magnus could feel his blood boil as he looked around to find Simon. Seeing him over by the stairs, standing with Raphael, Magnus made his way over and grabbed him firmly by the arm and pulled him around.

“What did you give him?”

“Ow” Simon said and pulled his arm back “Its just E”

“He was already on something when he came so it’s not JUST E, and I thought he was off that?” Magnus narrowed his eyes as Raphael pulled Simon back and stepped up in his place.

“Don’t take this out on Simon, Magnus” Raphael looked at him with cold eyes, being his protective self.

“But did he ask for it?” Magnus looked past Raphael and at Simon who stood behind him.

“Not specifically, but he wasn’t feeling good and it’s a party” Simon shrugged his shoulder and Magnus was sure that had it not been for that little voice in the back of his head that told him that Simon was just doing as running guys did, he would have choked him for it.

“Magnus!” Raphael broke through to him and Magnus looked him in the eyes. It must have been something in the way Magnus had looked at Simon because Raphael looked far from happy and there were a hint of underlying warning in the way he said his name.

“I know” Magnus took a deep breath. “It was just that he seemed much better earlier and I hoped he just needed some time to adjust to being here, and now he is..” Magnus waved his hand in the air, not finding the word he was looking for.

“Fucked up?” Simon suggested.

“Thank you, Simon” Magnus replied sarcastically, not finding the younger man amusing at all now.

Turning away from both Raphael and Simon now, Magnus walked over to the couch and watched as people moved to give him space before sitting down. Locking his eyes on Alec as he danced around, Magnus took a new drink that was offered to him and tried to keep his own breathing calm. Magnus had been so sure that they were going in the right direction when Simon had told him he was basically off ‘party drugs’ and off E completely, and now it was like watching someone take two steps back instead of moving forward. Magnus hoped that Jace would be up for it, because with Alec being back on E, Jace should expect Alec to be in a pretty bad shape tomorrow.

——

Glancing at the clock on the wall on the other side if the room, Magnus could see that they were sneaking up on 5AM. He had watched Alec dance around and drink, a lot, over the last 3 hours and was starting to get tired himself. Unlike Alec, Magnus was clean and now almost sober, he had also been sitting still and the lack of using energy was giving him very little back. There were a lot of people who had left, a fair few had fallen asleep where they sat and the place looked like a mess, but Magnus just couldn’t find it in him to care.

 

One of the people that had fallen asleep was Jace who was spread out on his couch, the red-haired girl who Magnus was now pretty sure was his girlfriend was laying half on top of him and Magnus had to admit they looked cute together. Standing up, Magnus walked across the floor past Alec and the rest of the people who were still going, needing to move and maybe either freshen up or get ready for bed.

On his way into the bathroom, someone grabbed a hold of Magnus shoulder and spun him back around and pushed him backwards into the room.

Magnus didn’t have time to reach before Alec’s lips were pressed against his. It was unexpected but also felt so familiar that Magnus found himself melting against him without thinking about what he was doing. Magnus let himself be pushed against the wall inside the bathroom and gasped as Alec deepened their kiss. Alec’s hands found his and their fingers entwined as Alec lifted their arms and held them pressed up against the wall on each side of Magnus’ head. Magnus’ heart was beating so hard in the chest it was actually hurting him with each beat and he wanted to cry when Alec pressed his body up against him and moaned, having missed him so much.

Something was wrong, Magnus knew that this was the drugs and not actually Alec and every time he pressed up against him he was reminded by the way Alec reacted, trembling from the smallest touch of their bodies, being over stimulated because of what was in his system and not what he was feeling. Magnus knew he should push him away, but Alec’s hands when they moved away from his and ran down his arms, down his sides to his hips were making it impossible for him to think. Reaching up, Magnus combed his fingers into Alec’s hair, feeling it damp from sweat between his fingers as he held them in place, not giving them the chance to pull apart.

Alec kissed him hungrily and Magnus was moaning helplessly as Alec’s hands ran up under his shirt, the feeling of his fingers against his naked skin sending shivers down his back and making his knees weak. Magnus wanted this to last forever, but when Alec’s hands moved to undo Magnus trousers and he got the chance to clear his head, Magnus felt his heart break as he moved his to press against Alec’s chest and push him back.

“No, Alexander.. stop” Magnus said when Alec was pushed far enough back for their lips to separate, the feeling of Alec’s lips lingering on his.

Alec frowned, but the drugs in his system didn’t let his brain catch up on what was actually happening and Alec just step forward again, leaning in to kiss Magnus again. Magnus wanted to let it happen, wanted to not care that Alec wasn’t himself and just have him back for a little while, but he was scared Alec wouldn’t even remember this tomorrow.

“NO!” Magnus pushed Alec back again and it took more than he actually had to do it.

“Come on” Alec’s lips looked red and swollen as he licked them. He looked so good, too good as he again took a step forward, not taking no for an answer. Reaching down and grabbing a hold of Magnus’ trousers that already had a few buttons open, Alec pressed up against him.

Magnus pushed him back hard and Alec stumbled backwards and tripped, falling back and not even trying very hard to catch himself as he hit the floor.

“Stop it” Magnus’ voice shook as he spoke.

The fact that Alec whimpered from the way he hit the floor meant that the drugs in his system where at least starting to lose some of its effect.

“Don’t you want me?” Alec asked, not getting up from the floor.

“No, not like this” Magnus heard himself say, even if it was a lie - it wasn’t about him not wanting Alec, it was about Alec maybe not wanting him. He cared too much to do this to him, it was taking advantage of him and the state he was in.

The pain is Alec’s eyes would have broken Magnus heart if it wasn’t already shattered into a thousand pieces. Shifting back across the floor until his back was pushed up against the wall, Alec pulled his legs up against his body, making himself as small as he could and hid his face against his knees. He looked tiny for someone of his size and Magnus just watched him for a long time, but he didn’t move, just sat there.

Taking a deep breath, Magnus walked over towards him and pressed his back against the wall and let his own body slide down until he sat on the floor next to him. Reaching out, Magnus gently brushed his fingers through Alec’s hair like he had used to do almost every day when they had been in bed together. Alec didn’t move and when Magnus’ hand pressed against the back of his neck and felt just how warm he was, his skin burning against Magnus’. Magnus knew he was overheating and knew he would probably pass out from exhaustion soon, the way the muscles in arms and legs seemed to cramp up just further convincing him of it.

Magnus sat that for a long time, Alec not moving at all before his legs started to slide away from under him. Magnus wasn’t sure if he had just passed out or if his body had just stayed in place for a while, but he stood up to be able to use more of his strength to help to shift him over and down until he lay across the floor. It wouldn’t be comfortable for him, but Alec had collapsed and Magnus didn’t think he could actually lift him somewhere else even if he tried.

Sitting back down again, Magnus pulled at Alec until he had his head in his lap and went back to playing with his hair. It was more for Alec’s safety than anything else that Magnus kept his head elevated, but it was still nice to have him there. Twirling his dark brown locks around his fingers, Magnus leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes, relaxing but not allowing himself to fall asleep. There had been several cases where people had thrown up in their sleep and drowned in it when they had been under the influence of drugs and even alcohol. Alec’s head was lifted up, but if Magnus fell asleep and Alec shifted away he would be at risk, which was a chance Magnus wasn’t willing to take.

——

Magnus wasn’t sure what the time was, every hour had sailed by and his eyes stung when he blinked, feeling dry and sore when Alec stirred on the floor, whimpering. Magnus gently stroke his cheek, watching as Alec curled up and wrapped his arms around his stomach, clearly feeling sick. He didn’t move much for the next ten minutes before his eyes shot open as his body jolted and he pushed up, not even looking at Magnus before crawling across the floor to the toilet. Magnus watched as Alec gripped the toilet and emptied his stomach content into the porcelain bowl, his back arching as his body trembled.

The sound and smell of it was making Magnus feel nauseous himself, but he suppressed the feeling and pushed up and away from the wall and got up, walking over to him. Alec had stopped but was still desperately holding onto the ring as he spit, probably trying to get the taste out of his mouth. Leaning over him, Magnus lovingly stroke his hair, his own body aching from having sat still on the hard floor for hours.

“I’ll get..” Magnus started to speak, but his voice didn’t fully work and he had to clear his throat “I’ll get you some water, just get it all out.”

Alec didn’t answer, his knuckles turning white from the tight grip as his shoulders pulled up and he threw up again, shaking.

Trying to not breath in the air, Magnus straightened up and walked out of the bathroom to go and get Alec some water, he probably needed a lot of it.

Walking down the hall towards the kitchen, Magnus could smell alcohol from the day before in the warm air of the flat. Entering the kitchen, Magnus looked into the living room and saw Jace sit on the couch, head in his hands and slowly rocking back and forth. His girlfriend was still sleeping on the couch.

“Good morning, Jace” Magnus said as he pushed the window open, letting in some much needed fresh air.

“Magnus? Morning” Jace sounded rough “What time is it?”

Looking up at the clock on the wall, Magnus shivered, the cold air from outside reaching him. “It’s almost twelve” Magnus answered and got a big glass out from one of the cupboards and filled it up with water “How are you feeling?”

 

“Like a monster truck ran me over and then made me it’s bitch” Jace groaned.

Magnus wasn’t sure what that even meant, but he nodded and got some painkillers out from a drawer.

“I’ll leave some painkillers here for you and red-head there for when she wakes up, you should drink something” Magnus said and took two of the painkillers in one hand and the glass in the other. “Alexander is in the bathroom, if you need to use one, go upstairs through my room and use that one.. I’m not sure when Alexander will be able to move.”

Jace groaned “Oh fuck, yeah.. Alec, how is he?”

“Worse than you, which actually says a lot by the looks of you” Magnus commented, knowing he probably didn’t look much better himself. “Remember, drink water and if you are sticking around for a bit you can just order something. There is a pizza place just across the street that will deliver.. A menu is in one of the top drawers here” Magnus walked towards the hallways again “actually, order something either way.. Alexander will get hungry and I am hungry, the doorman downstairs will let them in”.

Jace nodded before getting up.

Magnus gave a tired smile and headed down the hall towards the bathroom and Alexander.

**APV**

Alec’s head was spinning and his stomach was cramping up, but he had already emptied his stomach so when his body tried to force him to continue it was nothing but air that passed his lips. Something was telling him that someone had just been there, but he felt completely alone now and he clung to the toilet bowl, afraid of leaning back in case he wasn’t done or he would lose his balance. Sitting back while hugging the toilet, Alec rested his head against the ring and tried to breath slowly, still spitting to rid his mouth of the foul taste of sick. Closing his eyes, the light in his room hurting his eyes and making him aware of how it felt like his head was being split open. His entire body was aching and he knew he needed to get a hold of Simon, needing for the pain to go away again.

There was sound behind him of a door opening and Alec welcomed the new air that came into the room. Shivering, Alec just stayed still until he felt someone brush his hair and the presence of someone next to him. Alec felt the sting of tears, the pain that was roughly fighting its way through his system.

“Shh, it’s ok” Alec heard and could swear that it sounded like Magnus “You need to drink something”.

Alec didn’t move, wasn’t sure could. He didn’t trust himself and his mind, he didn’t trust that Magnus was really there or that he was talking to him like he was. The pieces from the night before refusing to get into place and Alec could hardly remember coming to the party that he knew had happened.

“Please Alexander, you need to drink some water. You must be dehydrated and it will make you feel better” Magnus was pleading and his hand was softly brushing his cheek, feeling cool compared to Alec’s own burning skin. It had to be him, it had to be Magnus.

“Alexander?”

Alec kept his eyes clenched shut, not daring to open his eyes in case it would all go away if he did. Whoever, Magnus, was moving around and his hands covered Alec’s, prying them open and forcing Alec to let go of the toilet.

“Come on, you need to sit up and drink” Magnus voice sounded stricter but was still gentle.

Feeling dizzy, Alec lifted his head as his upper body was pulled back until he sat more straight. A glass was pressed against his lips and Alec parted his lips as the glass was tipped. A lot of the water ran down his chin but what made its way into his mouth washed away a lot of the bad taste and was comfortably cold. Unable to swallow it all back, Alec coughed and the glass was pulled back.

Opening his eyes slowly and feeling the sting of the light again, Alec turned his head, daring himself to look. When his eyes met Magnus’ concerned ones Alec froze. Looking at him, just making sure that it was really him. Alec tried to shift a little over before reaching out and pressing his hand against his chest, making sure that he was real.

Alec’s breath hitched slightly and then for the first time in forever it felt like he could breathe again.

Fisting his hand into the fabric into Magnus’ shirt, he collapsed against him. Reaching around his waist with his other hand, Alec clung to him, afraid that he would vanish if he let him go. Alec buried his face against Magnus’ chest and cried, shaking as one of Magnus’ hands run up and down his back in comfort. The scent of Magnus as he pulled himself as close to him as he could get was what made it real, and it hurt, but in a new way that dulled out the old as he sat there, listening to Magnus tell him it would be ok.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few have found my account on twitter, if you are looking: @BBMonarch is my new that I use for SH related stuff.


	11. Need

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Explaining:**  
>  MPV = Magnus' Point of View  
> APV = Alec's Point of View  
> —— = Time jump  
> 

**APV**

  
Alec had almost refused to lose his grip on Magnus and when he did, it felt like they were too far apart no matter how close Magnus sat or stood. Having been able to eventually stand up, Alec had managed to make his way into the living room on shaky legs. Jace and Clary had still been there, a few others as well, but Magnus had made the rest leave not long after. Jace had ordered some food, but Alec was still nauseous and only had half a slice before he felt too sick to have any more and instead had curled up on the couch and tried to rest.

Alec’s mind was still spinning and feeling dizzy even when he closed his eyes and stayed completely still. It had helped a little that Magnus sat next to him, absent-mindedly stroking his leg while he talked to Jace about something that Alec couldn’t make out from the noise in his head. Alec knew he was on his way down and just wanted to call Simon so bad, but if Jace didn’t like what he was doing, Magnus was probably not in favour either so he stayed still.

“Alec, what do you think?” Jace’s voice cut though and Alec twitched slightly before he opened his eyes.

“What?” Alec whimpered, not wanting to talk, the sound of his own voice sounding too loud in his own head.

“Clary and me are going to go. Are you coming with or do you want to stay here?” Jace’s question was straight forward, but it felt difficult still.

Alec tried to think but his mind was jumbling and he couldn’t concentrate.

“I haven’t slept yet, so I need a few hours shut eye” Magnus voice was softer than Jace’s when he spoke “but I would love for you to stay, maybe you can get some more rest too?”

Alec nodded slowly, wanting to stay even if he also wanted to go, needing the pain to go away.

Jace and Magnus talked some more, Clary was talking too but Alec went back to trying to ignore them. His headache was getting worse and his hands had started trembling as well. It felt like hours before they got up, Alec staying behind curled up as Magnus walked them to the door. When Magnus came back, Alec tried to push up, feeling worse than he had in a long time and he hated himself for not being able to enjoy where he was. Magnus looked worried when he looked at him and Alec guessed he looked as horrible as he felt, twitching slightly from the stress, pain and how awake he was even though he was exhausted.

“Come on, sweetie” Magnus helped him up and followed him up the stairs then pushed some Japanese styled doors open that lead them to what was Magnus’ new bedroom. Alec wasn’t able to take in what the room actually looked like and instead just got onto the bed and lay down, still fully dressed. The second his head hit the pillow he curled up shivering, his body aching as he whimpered, trying not to cry.

The bed moved as Magnus sat down on the edge next to him and again gently stroke his hair, making Alec feel guilty about being there at all.

“How are you feeling?” Magnus asked.

“Not good” Alec stuttered. With the nausea, the headache, the dehydration, the dizziness and the overall aching of his body, Alec wouldn’t know where to start.

“Ok, I’ll give you something for the pain, but it’s only this once ok?” Magnus sounded defeated but Alec didn’t care, he would take anything to make it better now and stayed still as Magnus got up and walked away to get whatever it was. Not too long after, Magnus was back and had also brought a glass of water.

Moving to sit up a little, Alec held out his hand, needing whatever it was.

Dropping two oval pills into Alec’s hand, Magnus reached out and gave him the glass. “Don’t look at them, just take it. It’ll let you relax and most likely knock you out within 20 minutes, at least for a few hours”

Alec wanted to ask what it was, but it was clear that Magnus didn’t actually want to tell him so he just put them in his mouth and swallowed them back with some water, emptying the glass after that and moving to lay down again, facing the centre of the bed.

Magnus got up again and walked around to what had always been his side of the bed and got back on. Magnus didn’t get undressed either and just lay down on his side, lifting his arm as an invitation that Alec accepted and shifted up close to him. Wrapping his arm around Magnus’ waist, Alec closed his eyes and tangled his legs up with his own, needing to just be close to him. Magnus in turn wrapped his arm around him, tipping his head back and kissed his forehead.

A lot less than 20 minutes had passed when Alec could start feeling the effect of whatever Magnus had given him. It felt like his brain was slowing down and even his breathing seemed to be in slow motion. There was no high, he was just slowly but surely getting more and more drowsy and sooner than Alec had expected, he had fallen asleep.

  
——

  
Opening his eyes, Alec felt groggy and a little lost. Laying on his back, Alec for a second thought he was at home until he noticed who was next to him. Turning his head he looked over at Magnus who was on his side, looking at him with a soft smile on his face and looking a lot more awake than Alec felt.

“Have I slept long?” Alec asked, feeling a lot better now than he had before he fell asleep. Even though he felt better, he didn’t seem to be able to actually wake up fully, shivering a little from actually being cold.

“Yes, the day is gone” Magnus still smiled and reached up and very gently cupped the side of his face. “I think you needed it, you look a lot better.”

Alec wasn’t sure if that was a compliment on how he was looking now or an insult on how he had looked earlier. His eyes almost drifted shut, but he opened them again and blinked hard a few times, trying to keep them in focus. “I don’t understand why I’m still tired” Alec mumbled, rolling over on his side.

“You aren’t tired. It’s what I gave you, it takes a bit longer to wake up after” Magnus was still smiling and Alec tried to return it.

Alec nodded, there were always side effects, but whatever Magnus had given him helped a lot. He still felt a craving, he still wanted to call Simon, but not over pain now, he just kind of wanted to.

“I’m glad you stayed..” Magnus was still cupping his face, his thumb brushing over his cheek “I’m not expecting you to just come back, but.. I’ve missed you so much.”

Alec lowered his eyes, looking down at Magnus’ chest instead of meeting his eyes. He wanted to believe it, he wanted it to be true so badly that it hurt to even think that it wasn’t, but something in the back of his mind was screaming at him that it was all fake.

“Did you really though?” Alec’s voice was so low that it almost surprised him that Magnus heard it all.

“Aww, sweetie, you were my little muffin. Of course I did..” Magnus moved a little closer as he spoke, their noses almost touching.

Alec couldn’t help the small smile from tugging at the corner of his mouth, but it still didn’t feel real. It was like his words were like the drugs, just temporary and as soon as he got comfortable it would fade and he’d be in pain again.

“You don’t even know me, not really” Alec felt that there were some weight behind those words and lifted his eyes again, meeting Magnus’ who actually looked a little hurt from what he had just said.

Magnus took a deep breath and Alec felt that his smile was a little forced when it returned. “I do” Magnus started “I know that you don’t drink coffee if you can’t have milk in it, that you find almost every action film annoying because of the lack of realism and that even though you try you can’t get over it, I know that you act like you don’t care about how you look but still check yourself out in almost every surface that will show your reflection.. I know that you love those Chupa Chups lollipops and your favourite is the green one. I know the little spot behind your ear where your hair starts that if touched will make you wiggle and smile no matter what mood you are in, I know you think my nicknames for you are stupid but that you still like them, I know that you prefer being bottom but you make it seem like you top if the subject comes up in public.. I know what makes you laugh, come or lose it and I’ve seen you cry.. I’ve seen you naked, truly naked.. so I know you, I know the important stuff and..”

Alec didn’t know what to feel except warm and tingly and when Magnus just went on, he leaned in and shut him up mid-sentence by kissing him. The feeling of his lips against his own feeling better than he had expected they would and he wrapped his arm around Magnus, pulling him impossibly close. Alec’s was surprised by how relieved he was when Magnus kissed him back and didn’t realise that he was crying until he tasted them. Magnus pushed against him and Alec let him roll them over until he was on his back with Magnus straddling his hips, looking up at Magnus as he pulled a little back.

Magnus’s eyes were filled with love as he cupped his face, leaned down over him and kissing away his tears. Closing his eyes, Alec felt Magnus’ lips against his eyelids so softly it was barely a kiss. Alec moved his hands to rest against Magnus’ knees, feel his own heartbeat echo off Magnus’ palms as Magnus pressed his hands against his chest.

“I missed you too” Alec whispered, it was a relief to admit it even if it also hurt. Magnus contently hummed as he kissed his way down the side of his face and down to his jaw, leaving small butterfly kisses right bellow his ear. Alec slid his hands up Magnus’ thighs while tipping his head to the side, giving Magnus access to his neck, shivering as Magnus lips found their way- leaving a trail of wet kisses and small familiar marks. Alec kept his eyes closed and just enjoyed the attention he was getting, having craved it and now that he was getting it, it was like all the pieces of a puzzle was falling into place.

Magnus’ hands moved down to the side of his chest and further down his side until they reached the end of his sweater, pushing under it and moving back up, pulling his sweater with them. Alec willingly lifted his arms to let Magnus pull his sweater up over his head and off, the cool air in the room making his skin tingle and sent goosebumps down his chest and arms. The contrast between the cold air and Magnus’ warm lips and hands were heavenly and made him need it so much more.

Alec kept his hands rested on each side of his head as Magnus moved down his body, his short nails grazing his skin and his lips ghosting gently down his chest. Alec gasped and arched his back as the tip of Magnus’ tongue circled on of his nipples before he covered it with his lips, kissing and nibbling at it. Clenching his fingers into fists, Alec felt the blood rush though him, making him dizzy with want as Magnus’ tongue traced the shape of his chest while his hands had made its way down to his trousers, undoing his belt.

Alec wanted it, needed it- but a flood of guilt was washing over him and he bit his lip hard before whimpering “Magnus”.

“Mmhm” Magnus again just hummed as an answer, his mouth not leaving his chest and instead just moved further down his body.

“I..” Alec exhaled sharply “I can’t do this”

Alec could feel Magnus stop instantly, like he froze on the spot. Opening his eyes, Alec could hear Magnus take a deep breath before pushing up. Turning his head to look at him, Alec bit his lip feeling additional guilt for turning him down.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push for this” Magnus was smiling, acting way too understanding.

“No” Alec started “I want to, but..” swallowing back some air, the guilt mixed up with the shame “..with what I’ve done”

Magnus looked confused but didn’t say anything.

Alec averted his eyes, not able to keep eye contact “I don’t know if I’m clean.” His chest hurt, like it was actually too small for his lungs and heart and was slowly suffocating him when he tried to speak.

Magnus stayed silent and Alec felt almost uncomfortably exposed where he lay.

“I’m sorry” Alec hated himself, but he knew he had to tell him, knowing that he couldn’t remember everything he had done and if he had even protected himself.

“It’s ok” Magnus took another deep breath “It’s not the sexiest bit of dirty talk I’ve heard during foreplay, but it doesn’t change the fact that I want you so if you want this..” Magnus paused “Alexander, please look at me”.

Alec had to will himself to lift his eyes and meet Magnus’ again.

“If you don’t want this, that's ok.. but if you do, then my hand can’t catch anything and we always used protection before” Magnus spoke gently as the fingers of his right hand traced out circles on his lower stomach just above the waistline of his trousers, making Alec quiver.

Alec couldn’t understand where Magnus found the strength to be so understanding, the thought alone of someone else being with Magnus the way he had been with others made him furious. Breathing slowly though his nose, Alec nodded and chewed on the inside of his lower lip “I want it.. but I might just have ruined it now”

Magnus actually chucked “You have no idea of the effect you have on me, do you? I don’t think I could ever not want you” and Alec could actually feel himself blush slightly at that. Feeling Magnus’ hands returning to his trousers, Alec bit his lip again as they were undone with gentle hands. Lifting his hips up off the mattress, Alec let Magnus pull them down just past his knees and watched Magnus then moved away to pull them fully off him along with his socks.

Alec didn’t want to close his eyes again, wanting to see that it was actually Magnus who moved up his leg- having gone back to trailing kisses over his skin. The little bits of attention he was getting tickled a little and he could feel Magnus smile against his skin as he let out a way too feminine giggle. Alec gave up not long after and did close his eyes when Magnus’ lips reached the fabric of his boxer briefs, his growing member twitching happily in anticipation of what was to come. Alec let a small moan escape past his lips as Magnus pressed his parted lips against his cock though the thin fabric just before Magnus fingers curled into the waistband and started pulling them down, exposing the rest of him.

Fully undressed, Alec was still very comfortable even if he was the only one and opened his eyes, looking down at Magnus. Alec wanted to turn over, liking it better that way and curled his toes a little as he tried to find the courage to suggest it as Magnus kissed the skin just around his cock teasingly. Shivering, Alec pushed his head back as Magnus’ fingers traced the full length of his member.

“Can..can I lay on my stomach” Alec stuttered out, almost feeling nervous about asking.

“No messing around today, huh? Well, you know the drill.. What’s the magic word?” Magnus answered, not lifting his head and Alec could feel his heart skip several beats in his chest. The familiarity of it and what it implied mixed with the burning lust in him made him want to skip all types of foreplay and just have Magnus fuck him into the mattress.

“Please.. Can I lay on my stomach, please” Alec gasped, pushing his hips up, trying get more friction than the teasingly touching.

“That's my good little pup” Magnus smiled and pulled back to give him room to do so.

Alec whimpered at the loss of contact and a new blush was creeping up on him at how Magnus talked, but he bit his teeth together and moved over on his stomach, breathing though his nose as he parted his legs and ached his back to offer himself up to Magnus. Magnus shifted around behind him and at a point got off the bed even, but Alec stayed still and waited, wanting to be good for him.

When Magnus was back on the bed, Alec wiggled his hips a little and then let out a surprised moan as Magnus slapped his ass. It hadn’t been hard, but it was new and Alec feel his pulse rise and he parted his legs a little wider without thinking, pushing his hips a little up off the bed in need. He groaned and clenched his eyes shut when he felt a slick finger run down between his cheeks, the lube left behind feeling cold but good.

“Show me that beautiful hole” Alec heard Magnus say and without hesitating Alec reached back and pulled his cheeks apart, pleased when he heard Magnus moan, loving the thought of Magnus enjoying the sight of him like this. Magnus thumb rubbed against his opening and Alec bit his lip hard, rocking his hips back trying to show that he wanted it.

“So impatient..” Magnus said and Alec didn’t care that he was still teasing and just tried to push back against him.

Alec’s eyelids fluttered and his mouth fell open as Magnus’ fingers push into him, having no problem with relaxing when it happened any more. Magnus had always known what he was doing and quickly found the spot inside of him that sent jolts of pleasure though his body, keeping Alec gasping for air as he kept massaging. It was good, but it wasn’t enough and Alec kept pushing back, whimpering in need, trying to say without words what he wanted.

The third finger did little to help, Alec needed to feel full and he had wanted this for too long to wait longer than he absolutely needed to.

“Please, I need more” Alec begged, knowing what he needed, not having let himself have it since Magnus.

When Magnus pulled his fingers back, the loss of the filling feeling was overshadowed by what was about to come and Alec turned his head enough for him to bite into the pillow as he felt the head of Magnus’ cock press against his entrance. Forcing himself to breath slowly, Alec still cried out around the fabric as Magnus finally started pushing into him and giving him what he needed. Magnus rocked back and forth, pushing a little deeper each time and Alec finally let go of his cheeks and fisted both hands into the mattress when he could feel Magnus’s skin press against him. Alec felt almost painfully full and the burning pain of taking all of Magnus so quickly after so long made the muscles in his thighs twitch and his toes as he felt Magnus’ pulse though his erection inside of him. Rolling his hips, Alec gasped as Magnus took the hint and started moving, not wanting time to adjust. Magnus’ had one hand pressed against his lower back, keeping his back ached and the other on his hip while he thrust into him, the later slapping the side of his butt when Alec relaxed. It was a little harder than the one earlier and Alec didn’t know why, but he loved it.

“Keep your ass up” Magnus demanded and Alec felt his entire body tingle, pushing his hips further up again, he felt the strain on his back from doing so but the pleasure of doing as Magnus said was greater. Reaching down under himself, Alec grabbed a hold of his own leaking cock and started stroking himself in time with Magnus’ trusts, trying to stay relaxed to let Magnus move deeper and faster, needing him to not go easy.

The fullness and building pleasure was making it impossible for Alec to stay quiet and he moaned helplessly into the pillow, gripping the sheets with his free hand so hard his short nails were digging into the palm of his hand though the fabric. Alec could feel his own cock swell in his hand and the warmth spreading though him from his abdomen, his mind spinning as he reached his climax, having it explode inside of him. Marking his own stomach and the sheets under him, Alec trembled and struggled to keep his hips up, thankful when Magnus grabbed a hold of his hips with both hands and held him steady. When the blinding pleasure settled and Alec was homing down, Magnus was still going and Alec tried to clench and unclench around him even if some part of him wished Magnus would just go on for a second and third round. Alec heard Magnus’ moan and gasp behind him for a few more minutes before his hips jerked, he his finger dug into his hips and though Alec preferred this position he wished he could have seen Magnus come.

Lowering his hips, Alec let out a pleased sigh as Magnus collapsed on top of him, Magnus’ breath heavy and warm against his skin until he with a grunt pulled out and rolled over onto his back next to him.

“Holy fucking shit” Magnus mumbled between the sharp intakes of breath “I had almost forgotten how good you feel, fuck.. that went too fast”

Staying flat on his stomach, Alec turned his head to the other side to be able to look at him. He felt warm, even with his temperature starting to drop again he felt just perfect, his head quiet and his body overall filled with an inner peace.

“And you are just a little bag of kinky surprises aren’t you? Spanking huh?” Magnus said with a tired but playful smile.

“Shut up” Alec murmured but still smiled back.

“Don’t talk back or I’ll put you over my knee” Magnus chuckled as he reached down and disposed of the condom he had been wearing.

“You are still mean” Alec huffed and rolled over on his side and moved over to Magnus, shifting a little down until he could rest his head against his shoulder, wrapping his arm around his waist, feeling Magnus’ upper body raise and fall with his breathing.

“And old, but I remember you once said you might be into that so its ok” Magnus added.

Alec closed his eyes when Magnus started playing with his hair, like he had always done before everything had happened. The silence around them felt comfortable and Alec welcomed it and just enjoyed being back where he felt like he belonged. Moving his hand up over to Magnus’ chest, Alec traced out a heart over his, wondering if Magnus felt the same as he did. Opening his eyes again, Alec looked at his own hand as he kept on tracing out small patterns across Magnus’ smooth chest.

“I want this back” Alec said, barely raising his voice over a whisper “I want you back”.

Magnus’ hand came up to his chest and found Alec’s, lacing their fingers together.

“You always had me”

Tipping his head back, Alec craned his neck meeting Magnus half way and kissing him softly, their kiss tasting slightly of salt from sweat. Alec was sure no one had looked at him like Magnus did when they pulled back, every feature of his face was soft and caring, his eyes filled with kindness and love and Alec wondered how he could have ever had thought that he would purposely hurt him.

“But if you want to do this, there are probably a few things we need to talk about.. and do” Magnus still spoke softly.

Nodding, Alec rested his head back down on his shoulder. There were things they probably should talk about, clear the air and all of that. Alec was sure that if they sat down to talk that there would be things he wanted to know as well. After everything that had happened, Alec had made Izzy deal with everything that had to do with Magnus and hadn’t actually heard anything he had said himself, having gone only on what Izzy and whoever had been with her had told him.

They stayed silent for a long time again before either of them spoke again.

“It’s late, but I’m starving..” Magnus broke the silence “want to get something to eat?”

Alec smiled “I could eat” and he could, he was actually starving himself, which he was often after sex.

“Ok, anything you are in the mood for?” Magnus asked and kissed the top of his head.

Alec pushed up sitting and stretched, his back was aching a little still but it was a nice reminder “No, I’m up for anything”

“Oh I know you are” Magnus laughed and Alec looked at him over his shoulder and stuck his tongue out at him. “I know of this place, Turkish kitchen.. The chef there is a God” Magnus continued and smiled.

“Turkish?” Alec frowned as he got off the bed “so like, kebab?”

Magnus actually gasped and Alec turned to look at him.

“My sweet little Alexander, are you trying to break my heart?” Magnus was walking over to some doors that clearly lead him into what was his new closet, Alec not feeling guilty about checking out his swinging hips and naked ass he did “The Turkish kitchen is world class, we are talking mouth orgasms here”.

Alec shrugged his shoulders and followed Magnus over to where he had disappeared. Leaning against the frame of the door he looked in at the massive room and shook his head, Magnus was probably the only one he knew who had more cloths than Izzy. “Do you have a pair of sweatpants I could borrow”

Magnus had already pulled on a pair of black ones himself and pulled out another pair and threw them over at Alec who caught them and pulled them on. They were a little shorter on him than they were on Magnus, but it worked.

“Turkish it is then” Alec smiled.

 

* * *

 

**MPV**

  
They had ordered food and like Magnus had expected and promised, Alec had loved the food. Having looked for something to watch while they ate, Magnus had found out Alec had never seen V for Vendetta and decided that they would watch that. Alec had actually liked it, having not had any complaints about it being unrealistic because it never pretended to fully be. Magnus could notice that he was a little restless and was fiddling with anything he had in his hands, which was new and Magnus expected that it was cravings Alec’s were having. Alec hadn’t been using for so long, but several of the drugs he had used you quickly developed an addition for, even if you didn’t know it yourself.

Magnus sat in the corner of the couch with a blanket resting over his shoulders, Alec laying on his back spread out with his head resting in his lap. Magnus played with his hair again, he didn’t know why but he was just drawn to it and Alec always looked like he was relaxing when he did. The film was done and Netflix had suggested something new that had just started but none of them were really watching.

“Magnus” Alec started and looked up at him. Looking down at him in return, Magnus smiled to show that he was paying attention.

“Your parents, why did we.. well, why did my parents kill them?”

Magnus could actually feel the smile fade of his face, not having expected that question now, maybe not ever having expected Alec to ask that question. Magnus’ throat felt a little dry as he looked up at the screen again, trying to clear it. “I don’t know” He could hear that his voice was a little unsteady which wasn’t surprising as he had tensed up “They killed my dad and my mother killed herself over the loss of him” he added, feeling uncomfortably numb.

“I’m sorry” Alec said and Magnus could see out of the corner of his eye that he was fiddling with a napkin “So he wasn’t in the business? Caught in a crossfire maybe?”

Magnus usually saw Alec as a smart man, but now he was missing every signal about how uncomfortable Magnus was and how sensitive he was about it.

“I don’t know what his job was, He was killed before I was old enough to know him.. but he wasn’t shot” Magnus was still tense and had moved his hand to rest on Alec’s shoulder instead, unable to keep up even a mindless thing like twirling Alec’ hair around his fingers. “They burned him alive” Magnus bit his tongue after saying it. He hadn’t known his father, he had died when he was just a few years old, but no one had taken him in for more than 2 years after that and having been thrown around in the system meant he had never even had anything that resembled a mother or father.

“oh” Alec let out and then not long after a more shocked one like he suddenly remembered something “OH!”.

Looking down at Alec, Magnus frowned at the surprised look on his face. “What do you mean ‘oh’” Magnus asked, feeling like Alec suddenly knew something he didn’t.

“I just mean, your dad must have been messed up, we don’t just burn anyone” Alec spoke like it was nothing.

“What?” Magnus felt sick when he heard Alec talk, both what he said and how he said it “We? Have you burned someone alive?”

Alec pulled back and sat up, looking almost offended “Well, We mean the family, but yeah, and they deserved it.. If you burn, you deserve to burn”

Magnus actually pulled a little away, pressing himself up against the corner of the couch. He knew who Alec was now, and he had heard stories, but the way he spoke about it made it seem like this was nothing to him, no big deal. Magnus covered his nose and mouth with his hands, trying to calm his breathing to not actually throw up, not sure he could even shoot someone and here his sweet Alec was talking about burning someone alive like it was the same as taking a stroll though the park.

“Great, now I’m the monster.. so much for not caring who I am” Alec spoke in a sarcastic tone and pushed up “Of course you wouldn’t understand”

Magnus lowered his hands “Understand? what could you possibly do to deserve to be burned alive except maybe having burned someone else alive?” Magnus said and he heard that it was coming out a lot more hostile than he had planed to.

Alec huffed and shook his head “Wow, you think I deserve it then?”

“You think my father did?” Magnus stayed seated, not sure his legs would carry him if he tried to stand up.

“Yes, if you burn, you deserve to burn” Alec spat.

Magnus could feel his heart and even his pulse when Alec turned, having never seen that side of him before. “What could he possibly have done to deserve that?” His voice was trembling now and he couldn’t control it even though he tried.

“You wanna know? You really want to know what you have to do to deserve it?” Alec sounded angry.

“Yes, tell me what your family though justified robbing me of my childhood.. Did he not pay his protection fee in time?” Magnus challenged him.

“Someone else’s childhood. If you burn you have raped, tortured or killed children. CHILDREN, Magnus. When you hear about people who lock children up and sell them as slaves or people passing around toddlers like they were toys.. you burn them if you get the chance, and had there been a way to kill them that would cause them more pain I would have done it in a heartbeat and not missed a wink of sleep over it” Alec was almost screaming at him. “That's the kind of fucked up shit your dad must have been into.. my parents might have been massive assholes, but we have a code and that shit don’t fly in our cities”.

Magnus froze, never having even considered that it had been a good reason behind what had happened to his father. His vision blurred and his breathing sped up like he was going to have a panic attack as he slumped down and stared into nothing. The fantasies of a family with a loving father being taken away from him fading and turning into something grim and painful. Magnus felt guilty, guilty for having wished him alive and guilty for not having known what he must have been doing. He should have known, he should at least have guessed.. The world around him seemed to disappear and he just sat there, his mind locking him in and sending him on trip of pain.

  
——

  
Magnus didn’t know how much time had passed, but he blinked and saw Alec’s face right in front of him as he was shaken.

“Magnus? Please Magnus” Alec was holding him by the shoulders and shaking him. Magnus got more of the world around him into focus, the sharp movements of being pushed back and forth made him feel a little sick and his neck hurt as his head snapped back before he gained control of his muscles.

“Yeah..” Magnus let out and the second he did, Alec climbed onto the couch and pulled him into a tight hug. “Wh..what?” Magnus mumbled and blinked a few times.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.. I didn’t mean to scream at you like that, I’m sorry” Alec was babbling almost directly into his ear.

“What?” Magnus tried to breath, his mind spinning out of control “I’m ok, I was just.. I didn’t know, I didn’t”. Leaning against Alec, Magnus couldn’t remember ever having felt so lost, even when Alec had had him at gunpoint he had at least felt a sense of peace- now it was chaos. He almost had Alec and his sister killed for their parents having killed a.. Magnus couldn’t even think the word he was so disgusted and hurt.

“I know you didn’t.. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said, I forget that you haven’t been around this stuff..I forget how messed up it is, I’m sorry, please be ok” Alec was speaking more calmly now.

Magnus felt the blanket being pulled up and around him, not having noticed until then that he had been shivering. Hiding his face in the crock of Alec’s neck, he couldn’t even find the energy to cry and instead just stayed still letting Alec hold him. Magnus wished he could just pass out, not wanting to be awake to think but also worried he might, not trusting his dreams to keep him safe from what he had heard.

Rocking them back and forth, Alec stayed with him like that for hours, none of them saying anything.


	12. Being Alec Lightwood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Characters in this chapter that are mentioned by their nickname and who they are:**  
>  Angel = Alec  
>  **Explaining:**  
>  MPV = Magnus' Point of View  
> APV = Alec's Point of View  
> —— = Time jump  
> NB! New warning tag!

**APV**

  
Alec had stayed with Magnus that night and the entire next day and when the sun had come up again Magnus had started to act like his old self again. Alec saw this all the time with people who worked around him in the early stages- they would have a massive reaction and then it would slowly fade as they started telling themselves that it never had happened or they found excuses they could accept that were easier to swallow. Alec’s plan had been to go home and talk to Jace and Izzy and then quickly find his way back to Magnus again, but there was a part of him that needed something else. He knew he shouldn’t, knew it wasn’t a good idea, but on his way home he still pulled out his phone and texted Simon.

Leaning against the wall in an alley a few blocks away from their place, Alec waited for Simon to show up. He didn’t know why, but he kept on rubbing his palms against his jeans like they were sweaty, just that they weren’t and he couldn’t seem to stop doing it. Simon turned up 5 minutes later than he had said which was impressive, Alec wasn’t an expert on it but it was a well know fact that runners worked according to dealer-times. If you got a message that they would meet you in 30 minutes that could be anything from 30 minutes to 4 hours, luckily that wasn’t the case with Simon.

“Mister Lightwood” Simon smiled as he rounded the corner, his hands in his pockets, sporting a wide smile “You are quickly becoming my most valuable customer”.

“It’s Angel in public and Alec if you feel friendly when I’m around Magnus” Alec replied, ignoring the last bit of what he said as he pushed off the wall.

“Whatever you say, Angel” Simon still smiled, clearly in one of those moods.

“I need you to not tell Magnus about this” Alec said, looking down at Simon who was a lot shorter than him.

Simon crossed his arms over his chest and made a face “Fine, but when you get caught.. and yes I meant WHEN and not if, you don’t tell him I fed you”

“He knows you are the one I seek out, what am I supposed to say if he asks, IF he finds out that is?” Alec challenged him, not seeing how this would work out if it came to that.

“Not my problem, mate” Simon wasn’t budging.

“I can’t lie straight to his face if he asks” Alec wasn’t sure he could keep that deal and therefore didn’t want to make it “We’ve just started working things out”

“But you want me to lie to him? He is my boss, by boyfriend’s best friend and I’ve known him longer than you.. so the fact that you guys are working things out just isn’t enough to even start to even out the difference. I am giving you a good deal here and if you don’t want it you could always just stop doing it all together?” Simon was smiling again now.

Alec groaned in frustration but nodded “Fine, you keep your mouth shut and I keep my mouth shut”.

“My man” Simon gave him a new wide grin and stuck his hand into his pocket and threw a little bag over at Alec.

Catching the bag mid-air, Alec quickly slipped it into his pocket, not wanting to hang around in this ally longer than he had to.

“I’ll start a tab”

Alec exhaled sharply and nodded, about to walk away.

“A tip” Simon started and Alec turned to look at him “After, when you come down.. 5 hours sober AND 5 hours sleep or Magnus will see it the second he sees you”

Alec nodded again but didn’t say anything, getting tips on how to get away with basically lying to Magnus wasn’t something he was proud of having just received, but it would help.

 

* * *

 

 

**MPV**

Almost a full week had passed since the day of the house-warming party that had been the start of Magnus and Alec working things out again. Alec had stayed over every other night like clockwork that week, but Magnus knew that he was busy and didn’t want to question his schedule even if it seemed strange compared to what he had been used to. Standing in the kitchen, humming a song to himself, Magnus was preparing a meal for them while Alec was laying on the couch and going through something Magnus guessed was work on his phone, but it could of course also just be a game or him just surfing to avoid having to help.

“Magnus” Alec called out from behind him just as Magnus was finishing off.

“Yeah?” Magnus didn’t understand Alec’s need to always get his attention first by saying his name, but it was a sweet quirk so he let it pass without commenting.

“This Chinese dish you said you were making, you said it was a Buddha’s Delight yeah?”

“Yeah!” Magnus nodded while he spoke without knowing if Alec was actually looking at him.

“It says online that it's vegetarian” Alec huffed, sounding less than pleased.

“And again, yeah” Magnus got the two plates and walked with them over to the table and put them down, looking over at Magnus who was still on his back on the couch.

“But why? Have you seen me? I’m not gonna get full from a bowl of plants” Alec huffed again.

Shaking his head, Magnus turned back around to go and get a bottle of wine “Vegetarian meals are good for you and you will get full” Magnus looked though the bottles he had in the kitchen and found one that was good enough but not so good he would feel bad about opening it on a weekday “And if you are so unhappy with what I am making then maybe you could invite me over to your place and cook for me, seeing I still haven’t seen where you actually live” Magnus carried the newly opened bottle over to the table and watched as Alec got up and walked over towards him.

Pouring wine into the glasses, Magnus smiled as Alec came up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed his cheek “I am not complaining, I love when you cook” Magnus could feel a ‘but’ come on and shook his head when it did “But you eat a lot of strange stuff”.

“It’s not strange Alexander, it’s just not junk food” Magnus said and put the bottle down, turning around in his arms and pressing his lips gently against Alec’s, stealing a small kiss. “I was a full time vegetarian for almost four years and survived, so don’t be a baby, just sit and eat”

Alec pouted but nodded before he moved away and sat down “I am just saying, I ate beans with toast and something I think was stew for five years and survived, so surviving it isn’t actually a big deal” Alec said, but a teasing smile played at the corner of his lips now.

Magnus just shook his head again, not going to follow up on the trail they were going down now as he knew he wouldn’t win or in any way come out on top when Alec was in the mood he was in now. “My suggestion still stands though, you could bring me around yours and serve me, I am guessing hamburgers and pizza”.

“My place isn’t built for us” Alec answered and shrugged his shoulders, having started eating and not looking unhappy about it so that was a plus.

“Not built for us? Any time you want to make sense you go ahead” Magnus took a sip of his wine.

Alec looked down at his plate while he was speaking “Well, I don’t feel comfortable having sex there and I prefer we do that, so I’d rather stay here”

Magnus actually knew that Alec had slept with people at his place, so he wasn’t sure that he actually bought the explanation “Are you telling me you’ve never had sex in your bed? Do you have a shy little virgin bed?”

Alec looked up at him then and rolled his eyes “No, I am not saying that”

“Then what are you saying?” Magnus asked, going back to his meal, thoroughly enjoying it no matter if Alec liked it or not.

“I make more noise with you, ok? And there are always people like right outside the door. I don’t want all my friends and family to hear me so unless you had gagged me it could be really uncomfortable” Alec said and pushed a few pieces of food around on his plate.

Stretching one of his legs out, Magnus stroke his foot against Alec’s under the table and smiled “I could do that”.

Magnus smiled when he saw Alec bite his lip and just a slight hint of a red appeared at the tip of his ears. With time he blushed less, but he didn’t manage to stop completely and it was always fun to bring it out in him.

“You are fucking impossible” Alec just mumbled and grabbed his glass.

“Am I now?” Magnus pushed his foot further up Alec’s leg playfully “Tell me you don’t want me to then, say ‘I don’t want you to tie me up, gag and fuck me, Magnus’” Magnus was trying to mimic Alec’s darker voice when he did, but not giving it a very serious go.

Alec almost choked on the wine and coughed a little at as he sat the glass down again “Where did tie me up come from?”

Magnus took a mental note of how Alec even now when he wasn’t thinking about it parted his legs for him under the table as Magnus’ foot ran up and down the inside of his leg, sadly not reaching longer than just above his knee without having to move “I’m not sure, but I am sure the things I would need for both could be found in the same store”.

“As I said, you are fucking impossible” Alec said pushed the chair he sat on back and stood up, taking his empty plate and walking around and grabbed Magnus’ as well.

Magnus grabbed his glass and leaned back in the chair, just listening to Alec move around behind him in the kitchen, smiling to himself.

Alec wasn’t too familiar with his kitchen so there were a lot of opening and closing of cupboards behind him, but Magnus stayed put to let him learn. When Alec finally came back over to the table, Magnus looked up at him and puckered his lips, tapping one finger against them.

“So demanding” Alec smiled and leaned down over him, kissing him softly, lingering a little before he pulled back up.

“Me?” Magnus acted shocked as he stood up “Never! You are the demanding one.. you should hear yourself” mimicking Alec’s voice again he moaned “harder, faster, more.. don’t stop”

Alec shoved him, actually blushing again “You are such a jerk”.

Magnus had stumbled a little, but Alec had only pushed him playfully and he had no problem finding his footing again.

“If you keep that up I won’t let you tie me up and gag me” Alec warned, struggling to keep a smile off his face.

“Oh, so it’s still on the table?” Magnus beamed as he walked over to the couch, Alec following right behind him.

“Maybe” Alec replied.

Turning around as they reached the couch, Magnus reached out and slipped his fingers into the waistband of his trousers, pulling him in close. Licking his lip, Magnus ran his free hand up the inside of Alec’s thigh and cupped his crotch through his jeans, his eyes locking with Alec’s. “Do you want me to tie you to the bed, Pup? Leaving you helpless for me to do with you as I please? I could let you choke on a gag ball so you couldn’t even beg for a break. Would you like for me to be free to use you like I wanted? Fucking you so deep you could taste me and until you were so sore you couldn’t sit for a week.. Do you think you would like that? ” Magnus could feel the familiar twitching and throbbing of Alec’s erection as it came to life even without having moved his hand. Alec was biting his lip and his breathing was much heavier, showing clearly what he thought about the idea in every way.

“This doesn’t feel like a ‘maybe’ to me” Magnus gave his bulge a gentle squeeze before letting his hand drop down and then stepped away from Alec, sitting down on the couch.

Alec whimpered when he loss the contact and his lips trembled like they did when he was getting turned on. When Magnus dropped down on the couch a look of disbelief spread across his face as he looked down at Magnus “Oh.. you fucking asshole, that's not just mean- that's evil.” Shifting a little, Alec pushed his palm against the bulge in his jeans like he was trying to push it down before he sat down too, crossing his arms across his chest defiantly.

“Such harsh words” Magnus chuckled.

“I mean them” Alec pouted “You knew I wanted it and you did that to be mean because you are in fact Satan”

“So you do want it?” Magnus smiled, patting the spot next to him on the couch, Alec having sat down further away.

“Yes, and you knew that” Alec grunted and looked down at his crotch miserably “So..you can sit alone”.

Magnus pouted when Alec looked up at him and then kissed the air between them.

“No, I’m not falling for it” Alec shook his head.

“But..” Magnus still pouted and then tipped his finger against his lips as he had done earlier and puckering his lips.

Alec stayed put for a little while but then suddenly let out a sigh and crawled over on all fours and kissed him. Magnus reached up and cupped the back of his head, keeping him in place as he depended the kiss, pushing his tongue into Alec’s welcoming mouth, twirling his tongue playfully around Alec’s and moaning softly before letting go of Alec and pulling back.

“I swear to whoever is listening, one day I will find the strength to resist you” Alec pouted and then slumped down in the spot next to Magnus, leaning his head against his shoulder.

“Please don’t” Magnus replied, resting his head against Alec’s “Wanna see what's going on in the world?” Magnus asked, never having seen Alec watched the news.

“No, it’s too depressive” Alec murmured “let's watch a film”

“The book of life?” Magnus suggested, finding Alec’s hand and lacing their fingers together.

“Sure..” Alec answered “3 words about it?”

“Animated, day of the dead and.. there is a pig, you’ll know what I mean” Magnus was smiling as he used his free hand to search around for the remote and finding it.

“Sure, after eating vegetarian monk food and getting a hard-on for no reason.. why not finish it off with watching an animated film that has a pig in it” Alec said, but there was a loving warmth in his voice that made all of those things sound pretty alright.

  
——

  
The days of the week were passing by a lot faster for Magnus after Alec had come back into his life again. Alec spent most of his free time at Magnus’ place, but at least twice a week he would be busy the entire day as well as the night, those days passing by a little slower. Magnus hadn’t really thought that he wanted their relationship to get so normal and sometimes almost routine like, but after everything they had gone though it was comfortable and safe to so quickly fall back into a routine.

Magnus had planes with Alec that day, but not until late so Magnus had decided to spend most of his day shopping because, why not? Having almost miraculously not found much, Magnus had decided to walk back to his flat as he needed to stop by a store anyway and get milk for Alec’s morning coffee. Being just around the corner from his old flat, Magnus decided to stop by a small store that had then been his local one. He had just entered the small shop around the corner from his old building when he heard a familiar voice and turned around.

“Damn, are you deaf?” Alec was smiling and breathing a little heavier.

“Alexander?!” Magnus for some reason felt his stomach tingle. It wasn’t anything special about him right now, but it was ‘extra Alec’, more Alec during the day than he had expected and it was always welcome, even if he was surprised to see him there.

“I was just across the street and saw you” Alec smiled “I tried to get your attention, but you didn’t even notice it when I straight up screamed your name” Alec shook his head.

“Strange” Magnus said and flashed him a wide grin “I do love it when you scream my name, so you would have thought I would have noticed”

Alec rolled his eyes at his reply but didn’t comment further on it. Looking away from Magnus and towards the counter, Alec made a face but dropped it before he looked back at him. “I actually gotta see a guy here, but I am basically done for the day so if I just move some stuff around I can head back with you after?”

“Yeah? nothing would be better” Magnus smiled “I need to get milk, so you do your thing and I’ll get that”

“Milk?” Alec bit his lip and smiled happily “for my coffee?”

Magnus couldn’t understand how Alec still was so happy about him having milk whenever he came over, but seeing him happy about it made Magnus happy as well so it was all good “Guilty” he confessed.

“You’re..well, evil and old, but also the best.. I’ll be out in 10 minutes” Alec leaned down and kissed him softly, pulling a little back before stealing another small one and winking at him before he turned around and headed down the main aisle.

When Alec disappeared into the back room and closed the door behind him, Magnus made his way to the part of the store where they had the refrigerated items. Standing there, he tried to remember if it was the whole or skimmed milk Alec preferred. He had remembered before he walked into the store, but now he was unsure and decided to get them both. Heading back to pay, Magnus placed both milk cartons on the counter and reached for his wallet in his jacket.

“I saw you earlier, we don’t serve your kind” the man behind the counter said and Magnus looked up, confused.

“Excuse me?” Magnus narrowed his eyes, almost sure what was coming but not having expected it here.

“I saw you with that other man and as I said, we don’t serve your kind”

Magnus could feel anger starting to boil in his stomach as he looked the man over. He was maybe in his late 30s, in good shape but his hair was getting thin and he already had lines in his face which gave his age away. He was a little taller than him, but not by much and was wearing a white t-shirt and stone washed jeans. “My kind?” Magnus spoke slowly as he kept eye contact with the man he already hated.

“Yes, faggots are not welcome” the man spat and Magnus dug his fingers into the palm of his hand in anger as he looked at him.

“This faggot” Magnus emphasised the word as he spoke in a cold tone “has been shopping at this store for years and you are new, so maybe you should shut up and do your job.”

The man walked out from behind the counter and walked over so he stood between the door and Magnus and then gestured for the door “As I said, you are not welcome”.

Magnus wanted to scream. There had been years since anything like this had actually happened, that's what he liked about this city.

“What's going on here?” Alec came up behind him and Magnus noticed the hand he placed on his shoulder when he reached him.

“You were both leaving” The man said.

“We were, let’s just go Alexander” Magnus said and took a deep breath. He knew he should take the fight, someone had to, but he didn’t have it in him to do it now.

“Ok?!” Alec said, sounded confused but followed as Magnus headed for the door “what about your milk?”

“I’ll get it somewhere else” Magnus said, so angry he could cry.

“And don’t come back” The man spat.

“What?”

Magnus turned to see that Alec had done the same.

“You are not welcome here” The man said and straightened up. Alec was about the same size as him and lacking the height difference he had with Magnus, he was probably feeling the need to make himself seem bigger.

“Alexander, lets just go” Magnus tried.

“Wait” Alec said without looking away from the man. “I will come back here, but why don’t you amuse me with your reason for not wanting me back?” Magnus wasn’t sure he recognised Alec in the way he was speaking now, his tone was much lower and it was cold.

“Faggots are not welcome here” The man still sounded confident as he spoke.

Alec took a step forward, standing within reach of the guy who worked there, clearly not backing down. Walking up next to him, Magnus grabbed a hold of his arm. “He isn’t worth it”

Alec didn’t react, his eyes were locked with the other guys “Say that one more time. I could swear you just said that you didn’t serve faggots here.. but seeing you don’t strike me as suicidal, I have to be sure”

“Alexander” Magnus wasn’t sure he liked where this was going. Pulling hard at Alec’s arm he forced him to take a step back and got in between the two men and grabbed a hold of Alec’s jaw, forcing him to look away from the man and at him. “Alexander, lets just go”

“Yes Alexander, you should go” the man said behind his back.

“Hey” Magnus snapped and turned around to face the man “Just shut the fuck up”.

“You are filth!” the guy said and pushed Magnus back.

Magnus stumbled but didn’t fall, but before he could say something Alec had already moved. The guy fell backwards and only stayed up because of the counter as Alec punched him the face. The guy tried to punch back, but Alec was clearly a better fighter than him and dodged most of what he threw at him. It was hard to keep up, following the movements of them as they stumbled between the shelves. The guy kept on grabbing stuff, trying to use it as makeshift weapons, throwing cans and what not at Alec.

On the opposite side of the fight a man came down the aisle, someone Magnus guessed was the owner, but he just stopped when he saw what happened. Magnus stood in shock as he watched Alec punch the guy several times until he got him hard enough for him to fall to the floor. Alec leaned down over him, leaning one knee against the floor as he grabbed a hold of the guys t-shirt and pulled his upper body up while he kept on punching him - the owner of the store still doing nothing.

“YOU. DON’T. FUCKING. TOUCH. HIM” Alec shouted between each punch, the man not recognisable any more as his face was completely covered in blood and Magnus actually cringed at what sounded like bones cracking. Blood was smeared against the tiled floor and dripping from the man’s face and the man was barely responding at all any more.

“Alexander” Magnus cried as realised he had to do something, Alec didn’t seem to stop. He grabbed a hold of Alec’s upper arm and tried to get him to stop, but Alec just pulled his arm loose again. “Alexander, please stop” Magnus pleaded as he tried to grab his arm again, relieved when Alec stumbled slightly but stood up and stepped back. Alec looked down at his hands and cursed as he pressed his bruised knuckles against his jeans, trying to maybe clean up some of the blood.

Magnus looked at Alec and down at the man on the floor and back at Alec again. “What the actual fuck?” Magnus let out, feeling his stomach turning from almost everything he laid his eyes on. He felt dizzy and wanted to sit down, but there was nothing there. “Is he dead?”

Alec turned and looked at the guy for what felt like several minutes before looking back at him and shaking his head “No, still breathing”. He sounded casual again, like what had just happened hadn’t really and it was just all in Magnus’ head. It was surreal, and Magnus wasn’t sure he had actually taken in what had happened yet, it all seemed to have happened in just a few seconds.

“I’m sorry, Angel”

Magnus heard the words and looked around until he saw the owner of the store again, but he was directing his apology at Alec and not his employ who was possibly bleeding to death on the floor right in front of him.

Alec wiped his chin with the sleeve of his jacket and looked back at the owner. He couldn’t have taken many hits, because his nose was bleeding but apart from that his face looked intact.

“I am so sorry, he is finished here..” The owner sounded like he was begging more than apologising “I’ll make it up to you, anything, I’ll fix it”

“Shhh... We’ll sort it out” Alec made a face “pull the milk out of his last pay check” Alec added as he reached for the two cartons of milk, holding one in each hand. “Magnus, we should go”

Magnus stood there and looked from one man to the next and then the third. “He needs an ambulance” Magnus pleaded, not at all comfortable with leaving the man like that.

“It’s ok, Tony will call him one” Alec said and Magnus just nodded, feeling helpless. The owner, Tony apparently, did get his phone out of the pocket, but Magnus rushed out before he could hear the phone-call being made. Outside the fresh air helped him a little, but when Alec stepped outside it was mudding up again. Alec’s hands covered with blood as well as part of his face.

On their way back, Magnus didn’t say anything and Alec did the same, staying silent the entire way. Magnus tried to understand how it had gone from name calling to Alec probably having destroyed the man's face.

  
——

  
Magnus sat down on the couch with his head in his hands. Alec had gone to get cleaned up and Magnus had just needed a few minutes to himself so it had all fitted very well together. Hearing footsteps, Magnus looked up and saw an Alec at least without any traces of blood any more. Alec walked over and sat down on the table in front of the couch, looking at Magnus and it was like there had been a switch that was turned on and now was off again. Alec looked calm and his features looked friendly and soft compared to how harp and angry he had looked earlier.

“I am really sorry that this happened while you were there” Alec said, and reached his hands out. Magnus could feel Alec’s taking his and let him. This wasn’t really that bad, it had been short and brutal, but having had some minutes to think it over- Magnus at least understood where Alec came from, maybe.

“It was pretty fucked up” Magnus admitted, not knowing that he would say it until he had.

Alec nodded slowly “Yeah, but if I let people get away with what he did. Everyone working for us, and Izzy all depend on me to shut that shit down.. If people think we’ll let it pass, more will start you know”

Magnus closed his eyes and nodded to himself. It made sense, he just didn’t want it to “I understand.. I guess, I just didn’t like seeing you, I dunno.. turn. I didn’t recognise you”

Alec took a deep breath, it wasn’t hard to read on his face that he hadn’t liked what Magnus had said, but he tried and just nodded “I think it was worse than usual, I think I lost it a little bit when he pushed you”

Magnus gave a smile, not understanding how he could smile now “I am sure I could have defended myself”.

“I know” Alec started “But I don’t want you to have to.. If he had hurt you and I could have stopped it, I don’t know what I would have done. I’d rather hurt a year than have you hurt for an hour.. but I am sorry, you looked shocked and I promised you just a few weeks ago that I wouldn’t do that to you again”.

“I don’t like violence” Magnus replied honestly, which is what it all came down to. “But I know it’s part of your life.. and in selfishly wanting this part of you, I have to accept the other too.. I just struggled a little with it.”

Pushing off the table, Alec stood up on his knees in front of Magnus, still holding hands. “They all look to me to lead, and I’m younger than most of them and I’ve spent almost all of my adult life locked away.. I’m fumbling in the dark”

Magnus blinked slowly as his and Alec’s foreheads rested against each other.

“Half the city want me dead, the other half is a mix of people fearing me and wanting to be me. Maybe five people know me, and you are one of them.. I don’t think I would have survived this world if you hadn’t entered my life when you did.. I need you, so please don’t let me scare you away” Alec sounded vulnerable and small, showing his age.

It was sickening and it was going against everything Magnus actually believed in, but it was Alec, his Alexander and he was in too deep now to pull out. It was better to swim for the horizon than to turn back to land on his own. Swallowing, Magnus nodded again “I won’t.. I’m here, promise”


	13. Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Explaining:**  
>  MPV = Magnus' Point of View  
> APV = Alec's Point of View  
> —— = Time jump  
> 

**MPV**

  
Magnus rarely got visits from Simon on his own, but when he had rung and asked to come over, Magnus had of course agreed even though it was late. Opening the door for him, Magnus let Simon into the flat and closed the door behind him as Simon made his way over to the kitchen. As always, he was dressed overly casual, which he was the only one Magnus tolerated did that. Magnus didn’t actually know most of the lads that worked for him any more, he was too disconnected from it all and those who worked below him handled most of it, but he always demanded people dress smart. Simon jumped up on the tall kitchen counter and swung his legs back and forth, acting like the Simon Magnus knew him best as.

“So Simon, any reason you are honouring me with your presence?” Magnus had been working and had been in phone meetings with the parents all day.

“Yeah, I got shit to tell you directly” Simon said and took a sip of the Starbucks cup he had brought, the straw giving away that it probably wasn’t exactly black coffee but some sugary drink.

“Directly? Do I want to know why this isn’t going though Raphael?” Magnus said and walked into the kitchen to get the cup of tea he had made just before Simon came up.

“I love him, you know that, but you should really talk to him.. he is not as ok with what is happening as you might think” Simon made a face, chewing at the straw in his mouth.

“With what is going on?” Magnus turned to look at Simon while stirring his tea.

“You know, you being down with the Lightwoods and all..” Simon gave him a knowing look.

“Simon, I am not ‘down’ with the Lightwoods. The business deal we have we can’t get out of and Raphael supports me and Alec” Magnus said and leaned back against the counter on the other side, taking a sip of his tea.

“You, Ragnor and what's their faces, you are the big bosses.. you get money in from every city, Raphael runs this city as you guys’ second in command, this deal hurts him personally and it doesn’t hurt you” Simon was saying things that Magnus already knew “And he most certainly does NOT support you and Alec, he supports you”.

“I offered Raphael to move after this deal was made, he doesn’t want to leave the city” Magnus wasn’t sure why he was having this talk with Simon, but he felt like it was needed, feeling like he was missing something.

“Of course he doesn’t want to leave this city.. it’s his home” Simon gave Magnus a look like he had just said the dumbest thing ever “Your hate for the Lightwoods might have lessened, but it’s getting worse with Raphael, so talk to him” Simon sounded like it was urgent that he did just that.

“What are you not telling me here Simon” Magnus pushed away from the counter and walked over towards Simon, not at all liking what this might imply when it came to Raphael’s loyalty.

“Please Mags, I don’t want this to come from me.. don’t make me betray him” Simon plead, something he rarely did “just talk to him”.

Magnus knew he was soft, knew that he was too soft for the business he was in and he knew that if it hadn’t been for Ragnor, Cat and Tess- he would never be where he was today, but Raphael had also played a massive part in him staying on top. The thought of Raphael betraying him physically hurt and he wanted to force whatever Simon knew out of him, but he just couldn’t find it in himself.

Stopping, still with his cup of tea in his hand, Magnus let out a sigh and nodded. “Fine, I will talk with him” Magnus turned and instead walked out of the kitchen, needing to sit down “Thank you for giving me a heads up Simon”.

“Yeah, I need you to hold onto the gratitude you are feeling right now” Simon said and Magnus could hear him jumping down from the counter and follow him.

“Why is that?” Magnus asked, feeling a little defeated from what he had already heard. Dropping down on the couch, he sat his cup down on the table in front of him.

“Well, your little boy-toy is still popping it like it’s Pringles” Simon said as he sat down on the armrest of one of the big chairs.

Magnus didn’t want to know and he couldn’t hide his disappointment when he heard “Are you sure? I haven’t seen any signs except signs of maybe cravings” There was a hint of hope in his voice.

“Oh yeah, I know.. and you wouldn’t, I told him how to keep it from you” Simon answered.

“What?” Magnus stood up, he didn’t believe in violence but he was seriously questioning his beliefs right about now.

“Chill” Simon stayed seated, but pushed a little back “He specifically asked me NOT to tell you, and here I am doing just that.. so maybe it’s time to remember that gratitude you were feeling earlier?”

Magnus rubbed his face and concentrated on his breathing, a cocktail of feelings string up in him and every one of them brought some kind if pain with them.

“We’re cool?” Simon slipped away from his seat, staying out of reach. Magnus slowly dropped down again, not sure he could process all of this at once, a problem with Raphael was one thing but to have Alec still using was another and a major one.

Magnus nodded, it wasn’t Simon’s fault of course “How long has he been back using for?”.

“Oh he never stopped” Simon said, now standing several feet away, apparently not taking any chances.

Magnus stared out into the room, feeling betrayed as well “I complimented him on how well he was doing.. he thanked me” Magnus said, his lips feeling numb.

“Addicts lie, you know that” Simon said, playing the role of reason.

“Yeah” Magnus nodded again, but it didn’t actually help “If it’s been going on for so long, why are you just telling me now?” Magnus tried to snap out of it and looked at Simon again.

“You need to remember who your boyfriend is. I promised him something that I am now breaking.. I have been on the inside Magnus and those who betray that family gets to wrap their mind around some metal. And I know it’s for how own good that you know, but that didn’t seem to matter in the cases I witnessed.. betrayal is betrayal with these guys, and that you got off with what you did is solely because Alec is head over heels for you.. he doesn’t feel like that about me” Simon gave an almost nervous smile “So, I wasn’t actually planning on telling you.. but think of what I am risking when you talk to Raphael” Simon was shifting slightly on the spot.

Magnus was feeling sick again, his stomach being all over the place. He knew that Simon was right of course and that it was risky to pin his safety to the hope that his relationship with Alec would keep Simon safe. Nodding again, which Magnus felt he was doing a lot of now, he leaned back on the couch while going through what Raphael could possibly be hiding from him if it was bad enough for Simon to risk his life to weigh up for.

“Alright, In case you get an angelic visit.. I’m just gonna go” Simon said and he sounded a little more chippy again “But.. as a little extra info, your guy.. he is increasing his doses at an alarming rate, so sooner rather than later on dealing with that.. and same goes for Raphael, sooner rather than later, ok?”

Magnus’s heart hurt, like it was physically aching in his chest “Yeah” he got out and clenched his eyes shut. This wasn’t happening, he didn’t need this right now when things were finally starting to get back to how they should be. He could hear Simon’s footsteps leading him away before the door was opened and closed. Magnus cursed under his breath as he sat there, wondering how he could have not noticed everything that was apparently going on around him.

——

Alec weren’t supposed to come around, so to keep his mind off everything, Magnus had gone back to work. Leaned over his desk in the study, Magnus was doing some boring paperwork when he heard the front door, having kept the door to the study open to keep an open air flow. Not looking up from his work, Magnus already knew that it was Alec because it was only he and Raphael who had the keys to his new place and Raphael never came over unannounced.

“Magnus?” Magnus heard Alec call out, and for the first time since he had met Alec the sound of his voice annoyed him more than it pleased him.

“In the study” Magnus called out in reply but didn’t take his eyes of the work. Simon was of course right about addicts lying, but it still hurt to know that Alec had been lying to him for a month. He would be fine, Magnus told himself, but he had actually hoped he would get this night to digest it and work out a way to deal with it all.

Alec walked into the study, but Magnus didn’t look up and even kept his eyes on the screen as Alec came up behind him and leaned down, kissing his cheek.

“Change of plans so thought you might want some company” Alec sounded happy, his arms hanging over his shoulders and chest, resting his head next to Magnus’.

Magnus didn’t answer. He couldn’t say he would have preferred it if he didn’t come, it would bring on the subject of why and he hadn’t found a way to get to it without putting Simon in a difficult and possibly dangerous position.

“Are you very busy?” Alec stayed bent over him.

“I need to do this” Magnus answered and that was the truth, even if it wasn’t the work that needed to be done now, he needed to keep his mind occupied.

“It’s late, maybe you could take a break? I’m thinking bed and sleep” Alec still sounding cheerful.

Magnus breathed in through his nose “No” he answered, his eyes on the screen but not actually focusing on anything on it.

Alec pulled back then and stood up “Is something wrong?”.

Magnus could hear the change in his tone from happy to something that carried a hint of worry. Magnus still didn’t look at him, not sure if he could actually look him in the face without wanting to ask him about what Simon had told him about earlier. With what could be going on with Raphael and what was going on with Alec, Magnus was stressed and he didn’t like being stressed, never handled it very well.

“I need to do this, if you are tired just go to bed” Magnus hated how he sounded, but he hadn’t had the time he needed yet.

Alec was standing next to him and about 3 feet away, that much Magnus could see out of the corner of his eye.

“Are you coming soon?” Alec sounded off as well now.

Magnus let out a sigh, but forced himself to keep his eyes on the white screen with the black lines that were words if he would just focus. “I’m having a really shit day, can you just please go to bed if you are tired and I’ll come when I can” Magnus was trying to keep his voice calm and steady, but he needed Alec to go now, he couldn’t deal with this right now.

Alec was silent for a bit and Magnus thought he would actually go.

“I’m sorry..” Alec stepped closer to him and Magnus felt his hand against the side of his face, knowing that Alec didn’t know and was trying to maybe comfort him “I am actually, so I’ll give you some space.. wake me up if you feel like talking or need some help to get your mind off whatever, ok”

Magnus blinked his eyes slowly. He wanted it to be ok, Alec was being sweet and caring, but he was just so disappointed.

“Ok Alec, just please.. I need to do this” Magnus answered shortly.

Alec pulled his hand away like he had been burned “Alec?” he paused and Magnus knew he had made a mistake “Wait, are you mad at me?”

Magnus clenched his eyes shut, he couldn’t do this now, he just couldn’t.

“Whatever it is, just at least tell me..” Alec stayed where he was, but his tone was completely different.

“Just go upstairs” Magnus heard himself say as he turned his head and finally looked at Alec, it had come out a lot harsher than he meant for it to.

Alec looked at him and looked confused “Stop saying that, I’m not gonna do it just because you say so”

“Why not? I thought that was your thing” Magnus regretted the words the second they came out of his mouth.

It was too late, the hurt look on Alec’s face spoke words.

Magnus got up and walked over to him and tried to apologise “I am sorry, I didn’t mean that.. there is something, but that wasn’t fair”

Alec looked away without saying anything before taking a step away from Magnus and turned to head for the door.

“Alexander, I’m sorry.. please don’t leave” Magnus tried, taking a few steps to reach him.

“I’m not, just get back to work.. I’m gonna go do my thing” Alec didn’t turn around or stop, but Magnus could feel the pained expression he must have on his face in the words as he watched Alec leave the study. Standing there, he could hear Alec head up the stairs and for some reason, the fact that he actually went to bed hurt more than if he had just left in anger.

Magnus couldn’t concentrate on work and he only stayed in the study for maybe 30 minutes before he headed upstairs. Looking into the room, Magnus could see that Alec was in fact in bed, curled up and as far over to the side as he could get without falling out. Letting out a sigh, Magnus went to the bathroom and got ready for bed and returned to see that he hadn’t moved. Magnus didn’t know if Alec was actually sleeping, but he made it seem like he was if he wasn’t so Magnus just walked around and got into bed on his side. Laying down on his side, Magnus looked over at the dark shadows that were Alec on the other side of the bed, not feeling like he had the right to move over to him so instead rolled back over onto his back and closed his eyes, willing himself to fall asleep.

——

Magnus had struggled to fall asleep and for at least an hour had just been laying there, but he had managed in the end- only to wake up the next morning to an empty bed. Magnus always found mornings where Alec wasn’t there colder than usual, but somehow it was even colder when he was the reason he wasn’t there. Getting up, Magnus went through his morning routine and didn’t get his phone out to try to call Alec until he was in the kitchen with a cup of coffee. The phone started ringing and Magnus looked up as he heard Alec’s phone upstairs. Confused, Magnus put down his cup and went back upstairs while the phone was ringing, he could see the black iPhone flash on the top of the bedside table next to the bed. Hanging up, Magnus went over and picked it up as he looked around, Alec never went anywhere without his phone.

Magnus went through every room of the flat to see if Alec was there but found he wasn’t. There was of course a chance that Alec had just popped out, so Magnus waited for almost two hours to see if he would come back for his phone before he decided to go and deliver it to him. Usually he wouldn’t do something like this, but with what he had said yesterday and how Alec reacted he needed to see him, especially since he couldn’t even send him a text to apologise and hear if he was ok.

——

Magnus had never been to Alec’s place, but he knew where it was and took a cab over even if it was close enough for him to walk now that he had moved. The two doormen outside had let him inside, but on the other side he had been stopped by two other doormen who asked him who he was and why he was there. Saying his name, his first name alone, was enough for both of the guys to take a step back and apologise as they let him pass. Magnus felt a bit strange about that but didn’t say anything and just headed into what seemed like a reception. He was just about to walk over to the reception desk where a blond woman sat when he heard someone call his name and turned to see Clary, Jace’s girlfriend, maybe.

“Are you here for Alec?” Clary beamed as she came over to him and gave him a hug, acting very friendly for someone Magnus didn’t feel like he knew all that well.

“Yes, I have never been here before though” Magnus smiled and gave her a hug back, mainly because not doing so seemed weird now.

“That's ok, I will take you to his place.. he is in the middle of something but I’m sure you won’t have to wait long” Clary said and chained her arm with his and pulled him over to lift.

“Ok, thank you” Magnus said as they walked into the lift “Do people here know who I am? I just said my name earlier and those two guys by the door backed away like I had them at gunpoint”

Clary laughed and Magnus was surprised by how amusing she actually found it “Really Magnus? you are adorable.. what did you think? It’s well known that ‘Magnus Bane’ is Alec’s guy”

Magnus smiled, it was a bit worrying to hear that just being with Alec was enough for people to almost back away from him in fear, but it was also nice that it was known that Alec was with him.

They reached the floor they were apparently heading for and they both walked out. The room had couches and chairs on both sides and several guys and a few girls sat around just talking and playing cards for some reason- they all looked up when they came out of the lift, but when they saw Clary they all went back to whatever they were doing and let them pass without a comment. Magnus decided to also not comment on any of it and instead followed Clary over to a set of black double doors.

Inside, Clary closed the doors behind them and Magnus looked around, finding that they were indeed in someone’s flat now. The lines of the room and the furniture were modern and it was all in different shades of grey and purple. There were nothing really personal there, but it was still nice and Magnus tried to take in the room as Clary followed him over to a couch that stood in front of a fireplace that were luckily not lit- it was warm enough here already.

“Izzy is out, so feel at home.. I’ll go tell Alec you are here” Clary said and gave him a warm smile.

Magnus nodded and sat down on the dark grey couch and watched as Clary walked back where they had come from and then left the room.

Magnus didn’t feel comfortable enough to start wandering around and checking the place out, so he just stayed where he was and instead got his phone out and tried to keep himself busy with reading news. Almost 15 minutes passed before he heard someone at the door and looked up to first see a tall dark man enter and then Alec right behind him. Alec and the guy were talking to each other while Alec was pulling off some kind of tape of his hands, his bloody hands. Magnus stood up and the other man looked over at him but looked back at Alec again like he wasn’t there and just followed Alec into the room.

“Hi Magnus” Alec said and the expression on the other guy’s face went from stone to an ‘oh’, like it explained something.

“What happened to your hands?” Magnus asked and looked down at Alec’s hands, worried even though he knew he had no reason to be, there was no way Alec had been in any danger inside the building.

“Interrogation” Alec said and looked at the other guy and clearly finished off the conversation they had on their way into the room “Ok Luke, just let me know if anything changes..”

The guy apparently named Luke nodded “And what about Camille and Blackwell?”

“Kill them and dump them on their side” Alec said like he had just answered what his favourite colour was.

Magnus tried to not cringe, it wasn’t like Alec had brought this to him, it was he himself that had sought out Alec where he worked and he didn’t know what those two people had done, maybe the two actually deserved it. Luke nodded again and then turned around and headed back out again.

Alec looked at him and then nodded his head to the side, indicating for him to follow before he turned and headed for another room. “What are you doing here?” Alec asked as he pushed open the door that lead them into a bathroom and then made his way over to the sink.

“You forgot your phone” Magnus started and it felt like the most silly reason now. He watched as Alec removed all of the tape he had on his hands and threw it away before washing his hands clean. Like the other room, this was all shades of grey but the purple in the other room had been replaced with some white details here.

“I wondered where I had left it” Alec said, more to himself than to Magnus.

“And I wanted to see how you were” Magnus admitted as he looked at Alec’s reflection in the mirror.

“I’m fine” Alec answered as he pulled off the dark tank top he had been wearing and threw it in a hamper before he turned around and looked at him. He was gorgeous, Magnus almost struggled to look straight at him- like he was the sun and looking at him for too long would break him in a way.

“I’m sorry about yesterday” Magnus tried and Alec just sigh and walked past him without saying anything, forcing him to follow. Back in the living room area Magnus grabbed a hold of Alec’s arm and pulled him around, not at all believing Alec’s reply about being ‘fine’ earlier. “Alexander, please don’t just walk away. I am sorry, I didn’t mean to say anything like that”

Alec pulled his arm back from him but didn’t walk away “But you did though.. Instead of telling me why you were mad you tried to shut me up by mocking me”.

Magnus hated that he pulled away, but he also understood why he couldn’t exactly blame him for it.

“I know, it was a shitty thing of me to do.. But” Magnus took a deep breath, he didn’t know how to get around it without telling “I had just found out that you had been lying to me for weeks and I was angry, so when you came over and I hadn’t processed it yet I lashed out, it wasn’t fair but that's all it was..”

Alec took a step back, a mixture of worry and confusion on his face “What do you mean?” he asked, clearly knowing himself what they were talking about but probably wanting to make sure they were actually talking about the same thing before admitting anything.

“You made it seem like you weren’t using any more and you were, you are..” Magnus hoped the way he had found out didn’t come up, not having found a way to say it without throwing Simon under the bus.

“I’m not..” Alec started but Magnus interrupted him, not wanting him to finish what he was saying.

“Please don’t lie to me, I know you are” Magnus said.

Alec didn’t say anything and just stood there and looked down at the space between them, his expression went from confused to defiant to what could be seen as shame, maybe. The silence between them were deafening, but Magnus hadn’t expected anything else and was waiting for Alec to be the one to break it. As the seconds ticked away, Magnus in the end realised that he probably wouldn’t say anything unless urged to though.

“Why are you? Do you want to? Am I getting in the way of something by wanting you to stop?” Magnus was trying to give him the option to say it himself.

Alec didn’t answer right away and it was like they were back to when they first started seeing each other, where Alec would take long before answering any question.

“I can’t stop” Alec finally said “I know it’s wrong.. but it’s like that doesn’t matter”

Magnus let out a silent sigh, that Alec at least could admit to it meant that there were hope “That's how addiction to what you are taking works.. it doesn’t make you weak, I just wish you would have told me.. I could have helped you”

Alec looked up at him again “It’s not like before” he tried.

“I know that, but you are not just doing this for a high when you are out, you have an addiction and those get you killed” Magnus took a step closer and rested his hands on his hips above his low hanging jeans, just needing to be close to him “I know I can’t keep you safe, I run the risk of losing you in the worst possible way every day because of who you are.. I accept that, but I don’t think I could watch you slowly slip through my fingers because of this.. so please, let me help you”

Alec didn’t move away, luckily, but he also didn’t say anything.

“I know you want to say no, that you will be ok and that I shouldn’t worry.. that's the addiction talking, but I know what I am talking about- this is my line of work after all, so please let me help you stop”.

Alec looked at him and chewed at his lip, the wheels in his head clearly turning as he tried to think what he should do.

“Ok”

“Ok?” Magnus felt a wave of relief wash over him “You’ll let me help you?”

Alec only nodded, but a nod was more than enough.

“Thank you” Magnus reached around him and pulled him close, just wanting to have as much as his own body pressed up against Alec’s as possible. Craning his neck a little, he kissed Alec softly and relaxed again when Alec leaned a little down to meet his lips. Magnus felt a warmth spread through him like it came from the depth of soul itself and rubbed his nose against Alec’s. “I don’t want to lose you ever.. I love you so much” he said softly.

Alec pulled his head back at that and their eyes met again “You do?”

Magnus nodded “Yes, with every little bit of my heart”.

Alec smiled, one of those infectious pure smiles that only he had “Can you say it again?”

Magnus chuckled at how adorable he looked and sounded “Of course” Magnus smiled and move one hand up to very gently stroke down the side of his face “I love you, Alexander”

Alec leaned in, his lips hovering just above his “I love you too” Alec almost just whispered before pressing their lips together again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leaving it on a high note because I won't be able to update for a few days, enjoy 'the happy' :P  
> Also, I just want to say thank you to all of you who read and leave me a comment.. you guys make my day and sometimes your questions remind me of things I had forgot that would leave big plot holes if gone unfixed.. so thank you <3


	14. Out in the open

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter, but I needed this to be in the same chapter & couldn't add anything else without it growing too long. 
> 
> **Explaining:**  
>  MPV = Magnus' Point of View  
> APV = Alec's Point of View  
> —— = Time jump  
> 

**MPV**

  
Things had been a little hard after Alec had decided to kick his addiction with Alec being a lot more irritable and even sometimes having small break downs. Magnus had wanted and Alec had agreed to spend every night at his, knowing that those were probably gonna be the times he would struggle the most with, which had turned out to be correct. Alec had been sitting on the edge of the bed shaking and cursing under his breath several night- sometimes Magnus was able to calm him down with cuddles and kisses, sometimes with roughly pulling him into bed and fucking him.. and sometimes nothing worked and Magnus would spend the entire night just watching him to make sure he didn’t go anywhere.

Alec had agreed to letting Jace in on it, which was good because he could keep an eye on him whenever they were out doing whatever they were doing, working if you would. Weeks of this had gone by when a message from Simon ticked in on Magnus’ phone and he cursed, thinking that Alec must have contacted him. Opening the message, Magnus felt a rush of guilt as it was just a reminder for Magnus needing to talk with Raphael. Magnus knew he had been a shit friend, only having talked with Raphael about work for the longest time and he had always hated people who got into a relationship and forgot their friends and now he had been one of them.

Alec was working and wouldn’t be back until late, unless there was a sudden change of plans, so Magnus decided to head over to Raphael’s to do it right away to just get it out of the way. This was also in a way work related with Simon having brought Raphael’s loyalty into question with what he had said, but it had also seemed like something much more personal so maybe the visit would count as both.

Raphael had agreed to see him and Magnus had jumped into a taxi even if he could have walked, which just reminded him that there had been no excuse good enough for him to use for why he hadn’t seen him lately. Getting there, climbing the stairs and knocking on the door had been easy, when Raphael opened the door and Magnus really thought about the fact that he was going to question him about his loyalty- it hit him how hard this would be.

“Come on in” Raphael said and walked away from the door and into the living room.

Magnus had always given Raphael a key to his places, but Raphael had never liked giving away keys to his place. Magnus was sure he had dated Simon for several years before he had gotten one and Raphael had been pretty crazy about him- or as crazy as someone who didn’t know what that word meant could be.

“Raphael, how are you doing?” Magnus asked after having closed the door and hung up his jacket, making his way into the living room.

“Not too bad, yourself?” Raphael was sitting in his chair, not that it had his name written on it or anything, but he always sat in the same one.

“Could be better, could be a lot worse” Magnus admitted as he sat down in the chair he usually sat in.

“Drink?” Raphael asked and Magnus politely declined.

“Where is Simon?” Magnus asked, not wanting him to walk in on this conversation if it turned sour.

“At his place, he was working late last night and I had some things to solve” Raphael answered as he took a sip of his coffee. Solving problems were catching up with people who owed them money or products so Magnus didn’t ask, having the same approach to that as he had to Alec’s dirty-work part of his job.

It was quiet for a bit and Magnus felt bad, they had usually never had these breaks filled with awkward silences.

“How is it going with Lightwood and his addiction?” Raphael didn’t actually sound interested and probably asked to be polite.

“Alec? We are working though it” Magnus tried to smile “When did you start calling him ‘Lightwood’ anyway?” Magnus added as a question.

“I never remember what name you are the only one allowed to use”

Magnus knew that was a lie- Raphael never forgot anything and at least nothing as simple as that. Magnus could have entertained the idea that he had and told him it was ‘Alexander’, but with how cool the air was between them he didn’t think he wanted to put off why he was there.

“You don’t like him much, do you? Alec I mean” Magnus wanted to clear his throat, but it was almost a little too quiet for him to do it.

“No, I don’t” Raphael stated matter-of-factly.

“You were very supportive of me getting back with him though” Magnus tried, not understanding what was going on “What changed?”

Raphael took a deep breath and leaned back in his chair “I was trying to be a good friend to you and you were miserable without him” Raphael was strangely honest about it and Magnus could only nod “but I can’t get over who he is and what he and his kind do.. At the end of the day he is a monster and that you like him takes nothing away from that, but from you”

It stung, it actually felt like someone shoved a thick needle though Magnus’ chest when he heard what Raphael was saying. He had expected him to say something about Alec that he would find unfair, but that he actually thought less of him because he loved Alec hurt.

“I know something is going on, is this it? Do we have a problem Raphael? Should I worry?” Magnus was trying to keep himself together. Raphael had been like family to him and he still was, he was the brother he never had.

“You don’t” Raphael’s eyes narrowed slightly and there was a raging anger burning behind those calm eyes.

“What is that supposed to mean?” Magnus challenged.

“You remember that cop you made the deal with” Raphael said and Magnus nodded, remembering the deal they had made. “When I took charge of our communication with him after the failed assassination of the Lightwood boy, he did as I’ve told you- back off then slowly stop getting in touch.”

Magnus felt a ‘but’ come on.

“But he got back in touch a few months back and I decided that it would be the right thing to do to resume our earlier agreement with him.”

Clenching his fingers into firsts, Magnus was trying to keep his breath steady to not end up screaming what he was about to say at Raphael. Raphael on the other hand seemed almost too calm about what he was admitting to having done for months.

“How could you do that? What have you told him, Raphael?” Magnus was struggling to keep his feelings in check.

“Only things that we were telling him before, about anything we heard the family was doing. The basics.. who, what, where and when” Raphael took another sip of his coffee.

“You don’t know things like that any more” Magnus said through clenched teeth.

“Oh? I see and hear everything and ever since you decided that my sweet and kind boyfriend had to save your murderous lunatic one.. who do you think everyone in that building calls when they need anything?” Raphael was sitting up in his chair and moved to sit the edge “You have placed Simon in the middle of that ‘organisation’ and now he is in too deep to pull out. They don’t want anyone else, they trust him but I don’t trust them and only an idiot would.”

Magnus stood up so quickly he almost had to sit down again from the instant dizziness “Do you have ANY idea of what you have done? You say I have risked Simon's life.. what do you think you are doing now? This is what started it all in the first place and you do it all because you don’t like Alec?”.

Raphael wasn’t standing up, instead he just leaned back “I swore revenge”.

Magnus didn’t know what to say or do, it was all so stupid- how could Raphael be so fucking dumb? “The Lightwoods had good reasons for killing my parents, they probably had good reasons for yours.. And the fact that you would stab me in the back to have your revenge says more about you than I would have liked to know” Magnus walked towards the hall, paused and turned to look at Raphael “You are out! I’ll do everything in my power to keep you safe.. but I don’t trust you, so you are finished”

“You can’t run this city without me” Raphael sounded so sure of himself.

Magnus shook his head “You don’t even know what you are doing this for. One minute you are doing it to protect Simon and then the next you are doing it in spite of it increasing the risk of him getting hurt.. You say you support me one second and stab me in the back the next.. I don’t know who you are any more. You are bitter and sad and you think too highly of yourself. Don’t think I can run this city? Watch me!”

“It’s too late. And when its done you’ll beg me to come back” Raphael almost shouted at him as Magnus got back into the hall and grabbed his jacket.

“FUCK YOU” Magnus slammed the door shut behind himself. Standing out in the hall he leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, never having thought he would find himself in this situation. Raphael had been a part of his life for longer than he hadn’t and they had never had a fall out like this, Raphael had never done anything like this and Magnus hadn’t even thought about doing something like this to him. Part of Magnus wanted to go back in, try to reason with him and tell him that they could work this out - but he knew that both he and Raphael would need time to sort it out. If they even could!

——

Magnus had walked home, had needed the air and the time to think about how he would go about fixing this. He had to tell Alec, but he also feared his reaction. Alec was his sweet blushing boyfriend when it was just them, was the kindest and most caring person he could think of - but he was also the head of the Lightwood family in the city and had straight up told Magnus that he needed to be brutal and cold and shut shit like Raphael was doing down when he heard about it. Magnus needed Raphael, he knew he could fix it, he was sure that with time they could work it out and he feared what Alec would do to him, to Simon.

Back at his flat, Magnus had been on the phone to Tess and Cat who were both also stationed on this side of the ocean. Ragnor was in London and wouldn’t be up, but Cat promised to fill him in on the problems with Raphael as soon as he got up. It was horrible to cut Raphael out, cut out his sources and stopping the flow of both products and money, but luckily he didn’t have to do it all himself. Tess was the most understanding and promised she would handle most of what would have to be done and also promised to as well see about sending some guys from Chicago up to help with the shift. Everyone of them had someone who they considered to be a friend as their ‘right hand’ and even though Raphael had mainly been connected to Magnus, he had also worked closely with both Cat and Tess before and they both took the news hard even if they didn’t let it on.

Magnus had worked for hours when he heard the door to his flat open and took a deep breath before standing up. He needed to tell Alec and he hoped that he would be in a good mood today and not be too fidgety or down.

Exiting his study, Magnus saw Alec as he was pulling off his jacket and throwing it over one of the high chairs by the kitchen counter.

“Alexander, hi.. how was your day?” Magnus could hear that he sounded off himself, but he couldn’t just shout out what Raphael had done without testing the water.

“Shit day” Alec said and turned around to face him, but at least he was smiling “but it just got a lot better.” Alec’s smile faded slightly when he looked at him “What's wrong?”.

Magnus exhaled very slowly as he made his way over to Alec and wrapped his arms around his waist, pulling him into a tight hug- resting his head against his shoulder and closed his eyes.

“Magnus?” Alec pulled him in close too, luckily not forcing him to look at him “You are scaring me. What's wrong?”

Magnus kept picturing Raphael in his head, scared himself.

“We need to talk” Magnus said and let out a sigh.

Alec tensed up a little at that “What do you mean? Have I done something?”

Magnus couldn’t help but smile, of course Alec thought he had done something- he never expected bad news from Magnus.

“You haven’t done anything baby, it’s work related mainly - but it’s also private” Magnus said and pulled back, looking up and meeting Alec’s beautiful eyes. He would do anything for him, he just knew- he would die for him to stay safe no matter what he did and who he was.

“Work?” Alec cleared his throat slightly, there was something that changed in him, it wasn’t much but Magnus could read him better now and whenever work came up he would pull up this wall around himself and who he was, shielding himself from what he was part of. “We have monthly meetings, what could be so important that you couldn’t wait..” Alec paused while thinking “four days”.

“I wanted to talk to just you first, before anyone else is brought into it.. can we sit?” Magnus placed one hand against Alec’s chest and searched for his heartbeat, feeling it steady and powerfully beating away under his skin.

“Sure” Alec reached up and scratched the side of his jaw before taking a step back and heading over towards the couch. Magnus followed close behind and sat down in one of the chairs across from him instead of next to him like he usually world. He needed to be able to look into his eyes when he told him about Raphael.

“OK then” Alec must have noticed that he chose a different spot because he shifted a little uncomfortably “so what is so important?”.

Magnus wasn’t sure if making Alec worry this much was a good or bad thing, hopefully he would be so worried that when he actually told him, Alec would be relieved it wasn’t anything worse.

“OK, before I tell you what I’ve found out today, please can you try for me to not get too worked up over it?” Magnus knew it wasn’t fair but asked anyway.

Alec frowned but nodded slowly and took a few deep breaths.

Magnus gave an almost sad smile “You remember before, when I didn’t know who you were and were seeking revenge and thought that I would get it by taking you and Izzy down..”

Alec’s jaw clenched a little before he said anything “Yes, and I am always happy to talk about the subject” Alec answered, his words drenched in sarcasm.

“I’m sorry, but it's important” Magnus rubbed the thumb of his left hand with his right “I told Izzy back then, and Simon probably told you as well that I had been in touch with a cop about legally taking you down.. seeing I am not one for violence I thought getting you and Izzy thrown in jail for life would be the way to go.”

“Not that I am not loving the trip down memory lane, but the point of this is?” Alec didn’t like the subject and he wasn’t good at hiding it.

“I of course cut all contact with the officer in question and stopped giving him any information..”

“But” Alec urged on, acting more like work-Alec than his Alec now.

“Raphael has kept in touch and has kept on reporting back to him about everything he has heard and found out about you and the.. business” Magnus could hear his own heartbeat in his ears as he spoke. “I thought he was OK with this, with us, he gave me absolutely no reason to doubt that he didn’t support me.. But he seems set on revenge still”.

“What?” Alec’s voice rose quite a bit and was just below actually shouting “Since when? and what.. what has he said? I don’t need my file to grow any thicker downtown”

“Alexander, please don’t get too angry” Magnus bit the inside of his lip.

“Since when and on what, Magnus?” Alec sounded sharp when he spoke.

“At least a few months, I don’t know exactly.. and basically anything he heard I guess, he has eyes all over the city” Magnus could tell by the answer that Alec was not pleased at all “I am sorry.. but he is just angry and frustrated, please don’t.. you know”.

Alec rubbed his face but stayed still for almost a minute, a minute that felt like the better half of a year to Magnus.

“Alexander?” Magnus swallowed.

“Yes, just.. give me a minute, I don’t know what to do with this information yet” Alec said from behind his hands.

“He is one of my oldest friends and without a doubt the closest one I have” Magnus wanted to make sure Alec actually knew how important Raphael was.

“I’m not gonna kill your best friend” Alec let out a sigh and looked up to meet his eyes “OK, so who was he reporting to? what is the name of the officer?”

Magnus let out a relieved sigh when he heard Alec didn’t plan on going around and straight up execute Raphael, but he still didn’t know what was happening “You’re not gonna kill a cop, right?”.

“Oh sweet Jesus” Alec sounding frustrated as he got up from the couch and walked around the table and bent down, balancing on the soles of his feet and looked up at Magnus, taking his hands in his. “You need to stop thinking that I will kill everyone. I just need to know the officer’s name because then we can find out how big of a problem this is and who else down town is part of it. We have several people on our payroll in the police and we could probably solve this without anyone having to die as long as it hasn’t gone too far”.

“I’m sorry” Magnus felt slightly stupid now that Alec was trying to reassure him “The officer is named Alaric Rodriguez” Magnus said and tried to search Alec’s eyes for any signs that he might have been lying about not getting the guy shot.

Alec nodded and gave his hands a gentle squeeze “OK, I think I have heard about him”.

Magnus gave a small smile but feeling slightly sick still.

“We’ll need to find a solution to this.. one that we can all live with” Alec spoke and Magnus felt that the second part of that had been to calm his nerves on Alec’s part “I will talk with Izzy, Jace and Clary about this and we can all meet and find out how we can fix this without word of this spreading. If we manage to keep this quiet we won’t need to take action.. so it’s VERY important that no one else finds out about this before we can meet and find a solution, OK?”

Magnus nodded to agree, feeling a lot better after Alec saying that “Yeah, well.. the partners know”

Alec just smiled “OK, that isn’t a problem. You and those guys are one and the same to us when it comes to business..”

“And Simon” Magnus made a face.

Alec almost rolled his eyes, Magnus could tell that he was working hard to stop himself “OK, but that is it, right?”

“Right” Magnus nodded, feeling suddenly like some small ignorant child and could understand how people who didn’t know Alec and how he really was could easily be intimidated by him.

“I have no idea how you manage to get where you are, you are just a big softie aren’t you” Alec said and there it was, that little thing that changed whenever he moved from one side of his life to the other “I swear you would feel reservation about killing a bee as it stung you”.

“Maybe” Magnus admitted and reached up, gently brushing the back of his hand against Alec’s cheek. “And just so you know.. We were four that did the climbing, and my bit was mainly that I came up with our signature project, that's why ‘I’m the Warlock’, I created magic.. Brain and butterfly, not brute and brawl..” Magnus explained.

“Well, I do love your brain” Alec smiled, staying where he was even though it must be uncomfortable.

“Good, because my brain loves you” Magnus replied and then closed his eyes when Alec pushed a little up and pressed his lips against his, feeling a lot better than he thought he would after having to have this conversation with Alec. When Alec pulled back, Magnus licked his lip hoping to taste him. “You amaze me.. I know people say a lot of horrible things about you, but you took this really well” Magnus shouldn’t bring it up and knew it, but Alec just smiled so he didn’t feel too bad.

“This happens to us more often than you think, it’s probably worse for you.. It’s just hard because of who is behind it.. but don’t get me wrong, I hope Raphael gets run over by a road roller tomorrow, but I only hope he will and wouldn’t have it done because I would never hurt anyone if doing so meant hurting you- unless my hand was forced” Alec said and pushed back up and then climbed up over Magnus and straddled him in the chair, leaning down and rubbing his nose against his. Magnus closed his eyes as he moved his hands up to his hips, enjoying the weight of Alec over him. It had taken him months to be comfortable with sitting like this, having said he felt big and clumsy- but having been reassured Magnus loved it had helped and he now felt perfectly happy with doing it.

“So.. unless you are gonna tell me someone is gonna come barging in here and arrest me any second now, maybe you can join me upstairs and have me arrested yourself” Alec said with a smirk playing on his lips.

Magnus bit his lip as he moved his hands up under Alec’s t-shirt to feel his warm skin. “I just told you this horrible thing.. and you wanna go role-play it actually happening?”

Alec nodded and rolled his hips, pressing down against the growing bulge in Magnus’ trousers.

“I don’t think I tell you I love you often enough” Magnus groaned and dug his nails into Alec’s soft skin which made him moan softly.

“You definitely don’t” Alec teased and kissed him before getting up and offered it to Magnus- inviting him along. “Come on officer, lets see if you have any interrogation techniques that could get me to talk”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like my writing, I just started a second Malec AU story, link: [All I ever wanted](http://archiveofourown.org/works/9516791/chapters/21520013)
> 
>  
> 
> [Follow me on Twitter (link)](https://twitter.com/BBMonarch)


	15. Lost love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NB! New warning tags. There is most likely only 1 or 2 chapters left now. 
> 
> **Explaining:**  
>  MPV = Magnus' Point of View  
> APV = Alec's Point of View  
> —— = Time jump  
> 

**APV**

  
They had stayed in bed since Alec had pulled Magnus there after they had talked even though it had been early and after a second round, both Magnus and him had fallen asleep- both exhausted but all tangled up in each other and happy. Having moved in his sleep, Alec blinked his eyes a few times until the room around him came into focus, shifting a little to be able to stretch the muscles in his neck and shoulders. Turning his head, Alec smiled as he saw Magnus still fast asleep next to him, chuckling a little as he saw him move a little and then mumble something that Alec couldn’t make out.

“Magnus.. are you awake?” Alec whispered as he rolled over on his side to look at him, but go not response.

“Magnus?” He tried again, a little louder but still he got no reply or any kind of response.

Reaching up, Alec pushed some of the stray hairs covering part of Magnus’s forehead back and smiled at how peaceful he looked - how beautiful he was. Magnus used all these products and the make-up, but he was just as gorgeous without any of it, if anything he was never more beautiful than he was in the morning when he just woke up all bare and naked. Gently brushing a finger along the line of Magnus lower lip, Alec moved closer to him and softly kissed his cheek, smiling as Magnus again made some noises like he was about to wake up without doing so.

Letting his hand wander, Alec slipped it under the covers and over Magnus’s chest. Everything about Magnus was so smooth, he was older than Alec but still he felt silky smooth everywhere, like he hadn’t aged since he was 20 or something. Staying pressed up against him, Alec leaned his head down and kissed the side of Magnus’ neck as his hand moved down his chest and stomach, letting his short nails graze his skin before almost ghostly rubbing his fingertips against the same area which made his skin rise to his touch and Magnus’ breathing a little heavier. Alec’s hand reached Magnus’ member and smiled as it twitched happily when touched- wrapping his fingers around it, Alec slowly started moving his hand, stroking it until it started growing in his hand.

Breathing in the scent of Magnus, Alec left a wet trail of kissed down his neck before leaving it to slip under the covers himself. Alec managed to position himself between Magnus’ legs and stroke his soon fully erect cock while lowering his head down over him and taking him into his mouth. Magnus groaned as he unconsciously pushed his hips a little up from the mattress making Alec smirked around the cock in his mouth as he started to slowly bob his head over him, tasting Magnus’ skin mixed with the bitter taste of precum when he let the head press against the back of his throat- only pushing his head down further every few times, swallowing around it to recreate the feeling of clenching.

“Oh God” Alec heard Magnus groan before the covers were lifted up and their eyes met, Alec’s lips tightly wrapped around the pulsating cock in his mouth. Magnus gasped and pushed his head back before he let the covers down again which Alec took as a sign that he should go on, hungrily sucking him deep and enjoying every sound Magnus was letting out. The covers around Alec rose up as Magnus’ knees pulled slightly up and his hips jerked, letting Alec know that he was getting closer. Not having this in mind as the only thing to happen, Alec let Magnus’ cock slip out of his mouth with a small popping sound and smiled at the small desperate whimper he could hear Magnus make.

Alec kissed down the now wet cock before moving to Magnus’ groin and inner thigh, shifting his body a little further down and as he placed his hands on the underside of Magnus thighs and pushing them up so he would bend his legs and give him access, feeling strangely nervous about what he was about to do even if he had done it many times before, just not with Magnus. While being able to feel his heartbeat in his chest, Alec left wet kisses down the sensitive skin above Magnus’ opening before pressing his tongue against the tight ring- hearing Magnus let out a surprised gasp. Not hearing any protest, Alec kept going, pushing the tip of his tongue against the tight pucker and feeling Magnus try to relax and open for him. Moving his arms under and up around Magnus’ thighs, Alec pulled him against his mouth - enjoying the sounds and the feeling of the muscles in Magnus’ thighs tremble as he continued, keeping it up until Magnus was sinfully trying to roll his hips in need of something more.

Pulling back, Alec felt the air warm and heavy around him and freed one of his hands to reach up and pull the covers down and over Magnus’ knees to let in some fresh air. Alec’s eyes met Magnus’ again and Alec bit his lip and with his free hand grabbed the air a few times before holding it out like he expected something, smiling as Magnus almost a little desperately reached out with one hand and blindly tried to reach the lube left on the bedside table from yesterday. When Magnus reached it he quickly handed to him and Alec smiled and pulled the covers down over himself and Magnus’ lower body again. Pulling his knees up under himself to keep himself more steady, Alec applied lube generously to his fingers before leaning down to take Magnus into his mouth again as he pressed one finger against Magnus’ opening and pushed it in slowly, pleased with Magnus’ reaction of moaning loudly.

Bobbing his head over Magnus’ cock, Alec quickly managed to replace the one finger with two and then three, enjoying the feel of Magnus opening for him. Alec pulled back quickly after Magnus managed three fingers, needing something more himself. Kissing his way up Magnus’ body, Alec came back up from under the covers and found Magnus’ face and mouth, kissing him deeply while using his already lube covered hand to stroke himself ready. Pulling out of the kiss only when he felt like he was ready, Alec looked down at Magnus - wondering how he could have gone this long without having him like this.

“You’re so beautiful” Alec whispered, kissing the edge of Magnus’ lips and down the side of his face while rolling his hips to let his cock slide between Magnus’ spread cheeks. Magnus lifted his hips off the bed, trying to press back against him to get more friction, his mouth staying slightly open as he moaned. Reaching down between them after a few more teasing seconds, Alec grabbed a hold of his cock to angle it right and then pushed his hips forward and slowly sank into him, feeling his slick inner walls clench tightly around him.

Alec’s eyes rolled back from the overwhelming pleasure of being buried in Magnus, groaning as he started rolling him hips, not wanting it hard but to be able to just feel him, all of him. Finding Magnus’ hands, Alec let their finger entwine as he held them down on each side of Magnus’ head while he moved to kiss him again and melted against his lips when Magnus lifted his legs and locked them around his hips and moved with him. Letting their bodies move together, Alec tried to show with his body alone how much he loved him and wanted him- his skin tingling and burning at the same time as he forgot the world around them, only seeing and feeling Magnus. With every thrust, Alec could feel his climax building, feeling like it was creeping up from every part of his body making him desperate for it to go on forever but also for it to wash over him.

“I love you.. so much” Alec breathed against Magnus lips, letting go of one of Magnus’ hands and let his fingers run up his arm before he moved it down between their bodies and grabbed a firm hold of Magnus’ cock again, stroking him in time with his own thrusts, swallowing every sound escaping Magnus’ lips as he did.

“I..” Magnus gasped and Alec felt his hand against the back of his head grabbing a hold of his short hair but not pulling and tugging at it “I.. love you” Magnus stuttered, his body trembled under him as Magnus ached his back and whimpered in desperate need.

Alec wasn’t able to hold back then and his eyelids fluttered as the intense feeling of his orgasm exploded and burned through him while he emptied himself inside of Magnus. His hips bucked out of rhythm and his body shook as the blinding pleasure consumed all of him for a few seconds. Alec thrust into Magnus though his own orgasm and was still shivering as he came down from it but stayed where he was as he kept stroking Magnus, wanting and needing for him to come. Alec moved his lips down to Magnus neck and softly kissed and nibbled at the soft skin as he gently gave his hand in his a gentle squeeze.

It took maybe a minute, but Magnus arched his back under Alec and cried out in pleasure as he came, his short nails digging into the back of Alec’s hand. Alec kept moving his hand slowly until Magnus’ shuddered and gasped while collapsing flat back onto the mattress. Letting the weight centre of his body shift, Alec move and dropped back on his knees- his head ending up resting against Magnus’ chest and the sound of Magnus’ rapid heartbeats sounded like beautiful music to his exhausted mind. Magnus hadn’t managed to calm his breath yet, but Alec felt Magnus’ hand in hair again and smiled at the twirling of it around his fingers - always enjoying it when Magnus played with his hair like that, finding it oddly comforting.

  

* * *

 

 

**MPV**

Alec had been more than a little busy the last two days, but so had Magnus so the only time they have seen each other was when Alec came over and when he did he went straight to bed and passed out. Everything seemed to be going well all things considering though and Alec had already talked with both Izzy and Jace as well as a guy called Luke which Magnus had just seen a few times but never really talked to and some ‘computer guy’ Magnus had never heard of. They had scheduled a meeting in two days and Alec had seemed pretty confident that they would be able to sort everything out without it getting out of hand.

On the third day, the day before the meeting, Magnus had been extra tired after having fallen asleep way too late the day before and then been woken up in the morning by a horny Alec- so mid-day Magnus had decided to get some shut-eye, not feeling like he was productive at all in the state he was in. When he woke up, Magnus felt confused and frustrated at the sounds in the room and grunted as he rolled over on the couch and tried to pull one of the cushions over his head to block the sound out. It stopped, but as soon as it did it returned and Magnus whimpered, wanting it to go away. The sound disappeared for a second time, but like the first it quickly returned and only then did Magnus realise that it was his phone.

Pushing himself up, Magnus blinked his eyes and looked around until he saw his phone flash angrily on the table. Grabbing it, he didn’t even look to see who was calling and just grunted as he picked it up.

“Magnus?” Alec sounded almost frantic.

“Alexander?” Magnus’ brain wasn’t up to speed yet.

“Don’t you ever fucking do that to me again.. I’ve called you straight for 30 minutes. If you are home, just stay home.. I’m on my way” Alec sounded more than a little angry.

“I was taking a nap, I am allowed to take a nap you know” Magnus replied, not exactly liking his tone.

“I don’t care, increase the volume on your phone.. Just fucking pick up when I call” Alec snapped.

“Excuse me? I’m your boyfriend, not your property” Magnus’ head was clearing up quickly.

“I thought you were dead” Alec was bordering to shouting down the phone now.

“Why?” Magnus rubbed sleep out of his eyes with his free hand “why would I be dead?”

It was silent for a long time, too long.

“Alexander?” Magnus suddenly felt very unwell.

Alec didn’t answer and Magnus could hear some chatter in the background.

“ALEXANDER? Why would I be dead?” Magnus heard the desperation in his own voice.

“I’ll be at yours in 5 minutes..just don’t move” Alec started.

“NO, you tell me right now..”

It went silent again and Magnus swore loudly.

“Don’t you dare! Answer me right now.. what is going on?”

“We’ve been attacked.. they knew what they were going after and who to go for.. Izzy” Alec paused again “Izzy got hit, she is in the hospital but its not too bad so she’ll be out in a few days, we got guys watching her.. Jace was hit too but only a flesh wound.. But we’ve lost people, and not just one or two but..” Alec took a deep breath in the other end.

Magnus was suddenly very awake and stood up from the couch, not knowing why and not knowing if he should move around or just stay there.

“Are you OK?” Magnus wanted him to be there so bad, needing to just hold him.

“I’m fine.. I wasn’t any of the places targeted, but Magnus..” There was another long pause “Simon was, he was at ours”

Magnus froze “What?” His own voice was low and hollow as he reached out for something to grab onto, not finding anything but air around him.

“I’ll be there in like, 2 minutes, just.. stay put” Alec’ voice was calmer now, like he was trying to project his calmness over to him now.

“Is he OK?” Magnus asked, not sure he wanted to know.

“2 minutes Magnus” Alec tried.

“IS SIMON OK?” Magnus was shaking.

“No..” Alec’s voice was so low now that Magnus almost didn’t hear it and in all honesty he wished that he hadn’t.

Sinking back down on the couch, Magnus didn’t think he could stand, didn’t feel like he could ever stand again. He held the phone against his ear but he couldn’t hear what Alec said and then slowly lowered the phone without saying anything, his mind going to Simon and he was just replaying everything he could remember about him over and over in his head like it would somehow help, like it could bring him back if he only remembered him and wanted it enough. Magnus tried to breath slowly but his breath came out in stutters as he just sat there, clenching his hand so hard around the phone in his hand that it was hurting and his hand started cramping up.

Time moved so slow that Magnus wondered if it was moving at all and when the door to his flat was opened and he heard Alec call out his name, he wasn’t sure if it had actually been two minutes or a day. Standing up, Magnus felt stiff and strange as he walked away from the couch and across the floor towards Alec in a zombie like state and it wasn’t until Alec wrapped his arms around him and pulled him in tight that Magnus truly broke down. Tears stung in his eyes as he barely managed to hold onto Alec, only being held up because of Alec’s hold on him as his legs gave in.

Magnus dug his fingers into the fabric of Alec’s jacket as Alec shifted his grip on him and lifted him up, carrying him over to the couch and sitting them both down. Magnus couldn’t move, couldn’t think and it felt like even trying would hurting him. If Alec hadn’t softly told him to breath, Magnus wasn’t sure he would have been able to do even that, his breath hitching in his chest as he clung to Alec- feeling dizzy, nauseous and so tired he could barely deal with it.

They just sat there for what felt like an eternity and slowly Magnus started to relax enough to breath normally, but even then he didn’t want to move. Alec gently rubbed his back with one hand, not saying anything and Magnus didn’t think he wanted him to, didn’t want to be told that it would be OK because it didn’t feel like it and it wouldn’t. Magnus had known Simon for 6 years and it wasn’t enough, it wasn’t enough time with him and he hated himself for every time he had waved him off or just ignored him, having thought he was being silly or stupid and now he would have killed for just one more lame Star Wars joke that no one understood. He just wanted him to casually walk in though the door and call him something stupid like ‘big dog’ or ‘B-man’, just anything.

Feeling suddenly worse, Magnus felt like he was about to throw up. “Raphael.. we have to.. we”

“He knows” Alec spoke softly.

“But.. how, he’ll need me.. Alexander, I have to” Magnus was shaking again.

“He left.. we didn’t have the resources to keep eyes on him, I don’t know where he went” Alec kissed the top of his head and Magnus had to fight the need to just fall apart again “Jace is trying to get a hold of him, he’ll call if he reaches him..”

Magnus shook his head, biting the inside of his lip hard to stop himself from crying.

“Do you know where he would he go if he was upset? Some of my guys could check it out and get back to me”

Magnus’ heart was breaking in his chest and it felt like all the air was being forced out of him “Whe.. wherever Simon is..”

“OK” Alec still held onto him with one hand while pulling his phone out of his pocket with the other “I’ll text Jace and get him to send someone to check out the mor..” Alec stopped himself “where Simon is”.

Magnus tried to nod but ended up not moving at all, just staying still leaned against Alec.

 

* * *

 

**APV**

  
Magnus had sat shaking for a long time, hours even - but Jace hadn’t got back to him and no one knew where Raphael was. Having moved them over, Alec was half sitting half laying down on the couch with Magnus between his legs- Magnus’s arms hanging loosely down around his waist and his head rested against Alec’s chest. Magnus had drifted off to sleep from exhaustion a few hours ago but Alec was still gently rubbing his back with one hand while using his free to keep up with Izzy and Jace though text. He was tired himself, worried and the loss of several of people he had known since he was just a kid, but he didn’t have time to grieve yet and he couldn’t break down now, not when they all needed him- not when Magnus needed him.

When his phone rang, Alec luckily still held his phone and could take it quickly before Magnus woke up from the sound of his ringtone.

“Yeah” Alec spoke softly, hoping he wouldn’t disturb Magnus.

“We have some news” Meliorn’s voice was clear on the other end.

“Yes?” Alec said, reminding himself how happy he was that Meliorn hadn’t been hit, which he would have been if the Morgenstern’s had known where to find him considering how important he was.

“I’m pretty sure I know how and why this happened” Meliorn sounded sure, which was positive.

“Go on” Alec said, trying to mentally prepare himself to not get upset, needing to stay calm and still for Magnus.

“I had nothing, there was nothing pointing anywhere.. but I thought about the policeman you wanted me to looking into which I hadn’t had time to yet- until now and according to my sources, a Mr. Alaric Rodriguez is most definitely not clean. And if what you said about him gathering information about us is right and that he had someone on the inside.. Its pretty clear that he is who fed the information to the Morgensterns” Meliorn were quick, he always had been and he could help you out with anything, but this Alec hadn’t wanted to hear.

“You are sure?” Alec felt more deflated than angry.

“Not 100% at this moment, but it is the only possible link I can find between us and them at this time that would be as devastating as what today was” Meliorn was typing away in the background, probably already trying to get the information confirmed somehow.

“OK, keep this to yourself.. If you need any updated information, talk with me, Izzy, Jace or Luke only” Alec kept his eyes closed after he blinked the last time.

“Anything else?”

Alec cleared his throat “Yes, look up anything you can on one ‘Raphael Santiago’. I’ll send you his phone number and address, he until recently worked for the drug cartel known as ‘Downworlders’ as second in command for a ‘Magnus Bane’ aka ‘The Warlock’ and was stationed here in New York whereas he to my knowledge was born and possibly raised. The only known associates of him that I know of is the higher ranks of the cartel and a ‘Simon Lewis’ who passed away today. ANYTHING you can find on him, no matter recent or ancient I want it all. I want to know what he last ate and last time he took a piss if that's the only things you can find out.. anything! And keep ONLY ME up to date on this one, no information by text or mail, add it in password protected files”

Meliorn was typing in the background, having no problem keeping up with the pace Alec spoke in “password?”

Alec paused for a second “Purple Lamborghini, one word, capital P and L”

“Mentally noted, I will get back to you as soon as I have anything on either case” Meliorn replied before they both hung up. Quickly copying Raphael’s phone number and address, Alec sent it to Meliorn before putting his phone down and looked down at Magnus who almost looked peaceful where he lay except for the black streaks down his face that were a painful reminder of how he was hurting now.

Leaning his head back, Alec wondered how he would go about telling Magnus about what Meliorn had just told him, not sure that Magnus could handle knowing his own connection to what had happened to not just Simon, but most likely the failed first attempt to get them killed too- or how he would deal with the fact that it would be really difficult to come around the issue with Raphael now.


	16. Don't do this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Follow me on Twitter (link)](https://twitter.com/BBMonarch)
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>  **Explaining:**  
>  MPV = Magnus' Point of View  
> APV = Alec's Point of View  
> —— = Time jump  
> 

**MPV**

Opening his eyes, Magnus shivered slightly and pulled the blanket over him more tightly around himself. It wasn’t until he did this that he realised that when he had fell asleep he had been with Alec and there had been no blanket. Pushing himself up until he sat on the couch, Magnus saw Jace sitting in one of the chairs with a rag in his hand and parts of a gun spread out on the table between them. Jace only had a tank top on and his upper left arm was completely covered in bandages.

“Jace?” Magnus rubbed his eyes, feeling them sting from having fallen asleep with the remains of his make-up on yesterday “Where is Alexander?”

“Good morning” Jace looked up at him and gave him a makeshift smile “He had to go and do some stuff”

“Some stuff?” Magnus’ mind wasn’t fully awake yet.

“Yes, with everything that happened yesterday he had to go do his job” Jace said and let out a sigh as he went on with cleaning his gun.

“Right” Magnus had almost forgotten what had happened, what had happened to Simon and as all of it came rushing back Magnus instantly felt sick. “What are you doing here?” Magnus asked, pulling the blanket up around his shoulders.

“Alec didn’t want to wake you and he didn’t want to leave you alone, so I’m back on babysitting duty” Jace didn’t seem very happy about it.

“Oh” Magnus was happy because he hadn’t wanted to wake up all alone, but also felt a little uncomfortable with how unhappy to be here Jace seemed to be.

“Yeah, so.. do you need anything?” Jace asked and looked up at him again.

“No” Magnus said, feeling cold and alone even though he was neither of those things “You don’t have to stay, I’ll be fine”.

“You’re wrong” Jace said and looked down at his gun again, clearly finished and now started reassemble it.

Magnus let out a sigh “I will be fine, I promise”.

“Yeah, that's not what I mean. I can’t go because Alec told me I couldn’t.. I’m his mate, but he is also very much my boss so if he told me to drink bleach I could protest but in the end, if that's what he wanted me to do, that's what I would have do.. If you don’t want me to stay, I could go the massive amount of one step outside your door and wait there- but I couldn’t actually leave” Jace spoke without looking at him and Magnus nodded without him seeing it. It was easy to forget just how much weight Alec’s word carried with the guys who worked for him, even with Jace.

Magnus tugged at the blanket again, trying to wrap himself in it as tightly as he possibly could.

“How’s your arm?” Magnus asked, just wanting to keep the conversation going to keep his mind of Simon.

“It’s been better, but it still works” Jace answered.

It became silent again, Jace not really in the mood to talk and Magnus in a desperate need for something to distract himself with which didn't make for a very good place for them to be.

“You don’t want to be here, I’ll call Alec and say you can go..” Magnus said and looked for his phone, not seeing it anywhere.

“No, don’t call him” Jace looked up at him now and his tone was serious and almost demanding.

“Why not?” Magnus kept looking for his phone, needing for this all to be over quickly.

“Because he is paying his respect to the families of the SEVENTEEN of our people killed yesterday and he really doesn’t need to worry about how uncomfortable you or I am” Jace put his cleaned gun down on the table and stood up, his jaw clenching shut.

Magnus nodded, feeling small and stupid for not even having thought about the loss Alec must have faced yesterday. Seventeen was a massive amount of people and the chances of Alec having known some of them on a more personal level was pretty huge. Taking a deep breath, Magnus leaned back and pulled his legs up against his chest, not really feeling like moving.

“So you will not call him, OK?” Jace was still standing.

“OK, I won’t. I’m sorry I didn’t think of that- I’m just a little uncomfortable with this” Magnus said and wrapped his arms around his knees.

“The Morgenstern family HATES Alec more than you can even begin to understand. Valentine just wanted him dead, but his son.. He is a new kind of evil. He doesn’t want him dead, that would be too easy.. He wants him to suffer and suffer and suffer and then and ONLY then would he grant him the gift it would be at that point to die. And because we know where they got their information from we know that they will with a 99% certainty know that you are his weakness.. The mess he was in when you two split up, what do you think would happen to him if they killed you to get to him? Or captured you and sent him little pieces of you? They wouldn’t need to touch him.. he would kill himself over it” Jace's tone was cold and unfriendly “So I don’t give two shits if you are uncomfortable, I am here because Alec doesn’t want you to be alone but also because if you are left alone now they could use you to get to him.”

Magnus flinched from the harsh words and the small hairs in the back of his head rose as an uncomfortable chill ran down his spine. He would have said something about the way Jace was talking to him, but he was just so beaten from everything that had happened that he couldn’t find the energy.

An uncomfortable silence spread through the room again and Magnus found himself just looking away from Jace, understanding that he was in the mad mood that he was in. Magnus didn’t want to throw him out, after what he had said, it made sense to let him stay both because he liked Jace, usually, and he didn’t want him to have to just sit in the hall and wait - but also because he was excused his behaviour based on what had happened- so Magnus instead decided to give him some space.

“OK, I’m just gonna go upstairs and take a shower and.. anyway, just make yourself at home” Magnus said, keeping the blanket wrapped around his shoulders as he got up and walked away from Jace just as he sat down again. Climbing the stairs to the second floor, Magnus threw away the blanket and went to take a bath instead of a shower, needing to just relax.  
  


* * *

  
**APV**

Alec was exhausted by the time he made his way back into Magnus’ flat. Closing the door behind himself, Alec walked in and found Jace sitting in the chair he had ‘left’ him in- Magnus being nowhere to be seen.

“Where is Magnus?” Alec asked, looking down the hall to see the bathroom door open on this floor.

“He went upstairs” Jace answered and turned to look at him over his shoulder.

“How is he?” Alec felt relieved, not that he had really worried but he just felt really on edge.

Jace shrugged his shoulders “I don’t know, I may have been a bit rude” he said and gave a small smile like he was asking for forgiveness with that one little facial expression.

“What did you say?” Alec pulled off his jacket and threw it over one of the high chairs, glancing at the staircase.

“I may have given him the impression that I wasn’t too thrilled about being here. I didn’t mean anything by it, I was just frustrated, I’m sorry” Jace kept the smile on his face.

Letting out a sigh, Alec just nodded. He couldn’t really blame him, Jace had made it clear that he had wanted to go with him like the right hand men always did, but Alec just hadn’t trusted anyone else with Magnus- no one Magnus knew anyway and it wouldn’t have been fair on Magnus to wake up to find Luke or something.

“It’s OK, I’ll go up and see him” Alec brushed his fingers through his hair, really wishing he had slept at least some while Magnus had.

Jace nodded and Alec did the same before heading upstairs. Not finding Magnus in bed, Alec knocked on the bathroom door - guessing he was in there.

“Magnus? It’s me..” Alec tried, in case Magnus would think it was Jace.

“It’s open” Magnus called back and Alec tried the door, finding that it was unlocked. Walking into the bathroom and closing the door behind himself, Alec breathed in the warm and heavy air and saw the back of Magnus’ head sticking up from the tub. Alec walked over to him and sat down on his knees next to the tub, resting one arm over the edge of the tub and rested his head against it- looking at Magnus and smiling softly.

“How are you holding up?” Alec spoke softly, worried that Magnus might break down again.

“Still not great” Magnus gave a sad smile and looked down at the bubbly water.

“I guessed, you only take bubble baths when you are ‘not great’” Alec tried to sound comforting, not sure it came across as that though.

“Maybe I do” Magnus seemed to react positively to it.

“You do” Alec confirmed “Jace felt bad I think, he told me he was a little harsh. I didn’t mean to just leave you, but I needed to do something that was really important- I hope you can forgive me.. and Jace, well it’s not THAT important that you forgive him if I’m honest, but at least me?” Alec tried to keep the mood light even with the subject they were talking about.

Magnus chuckled, and with the setting being what it was- it was the most beautiful sound Magnus could have made.

“I’ll forgive you both. Jace told me what you had to do, I understand.. I just selfishly wanted to wake up and have you hold me” Magnus pouted and Alec reached out and flicked one finger over his bottom lip.

“Stop it” Magnus still pouted as he tried to wiggle his head away, but he sounded playful about it.

“I won’t until you are so annoyed with me that you un-wish I was there so I don’t have to feel bad it” Alec smiled, happy that he seemed to get Magnus to think about something else.

“I can’t go back in time and un-wish it” Magnus protested.

“Fine” Alec stopped and then got up “I’ll just have to hold you now to make up for it”. Before Magnus could do anything, Alec stepped into the tub- fully dressed still and then got down on his knees - straddling Magnus under the water and leaned over him and pulled him up into a tight hug - drenching all of his cloths as the water rose around them and ran over the edge, splashing down on the floor.

“ALEXANDER!?” Magnus cried out in surprise, but laughed as he let himself be pulled into the hug.

“Better?” Alec hummed against Magnus’ ear as he held him tightly, having to for Magnus not to actually slip from his grip.

“Yes, I’m better.. I’m better” Magnus laughed.

Lowering Magnus down again, Alec pushed back so he sat, his wet t-shirt clinging to him as he smiled down at Magnus, pleased with himself for having got him to laugh.

“You are actually crazy” Magnus still laughed and splashed some water at him, clearly also enjoying the view as Alec could feel his eyes move over his upper body.

Reaching up and wiping water and bubbles off his face, Alec made a face from the taste of soap he got in his mouth “Heey.. this is not what I like getting in my face”.

Magnus chuckled “You are worse than me now. Where is the shy Alexander that used to blush at the thought of these things?”

“I think maybe you fucked him right out of me” Alec said with a playful grin on his lips as he leaned down and kissed Magnus softly, both of them tasting a little of soap probably.

“Mmm.. don’t remind me” Magnus hummed against his lips.

“Oh, why not?” Alec replied, feeling a small shiver run down his spine from feeling a little cold.

“Because Jace is downstairs” Magnus smiled against his lips as he reached up and cupped Alec’s face, his hands warm against his skin.

Steadying himself by holding onto the edge with one hand, Alec let his other slide down Magnus chest and stomach “Oh, I thought we had already established that as not being an issue” Alec purred and smiled as he found Magnus semi-erect cock and grabbed it firmly.

Magnus gasped but pushed his hips up to meet his hand, clearly having thought about it to already for him to be this excited.

“You know that I would do anything for you, anywhere, any time- if you’d want it” Alec said as he nibbled at Magnus’ bottom lips and started stroking him, running his thumb over the sensitive head and watched as Magnus visibly trembled and closed his eyes. Magnus hands moved down to his chest, fisting his hands into the wet fabric as he thrust up into his hand and bit his lip hard as Alec freed it to moved down to kiss and nibble at his neck. Flicking his wrist every so often to give new friction, Alec felt Magnus cock throb in his hand as he went on and listened to the small sounds Magnus was unable to hold back.

“God, you make me so fucking hard” Alec said in a low hunky tone, not usually one for dirty talk - but knowing that it always got Magnus going. “Tonight..” Alec teasingly bit the soft wet skin of Magnus’ neck “I need to gag on that big cock, I need you to fuck me and use me until I can’t walk..” Alec licked up the side of his neck to his ear, hearing how Magnus struggled to hold back moans.

Magnus’ cock slid easily in his hand under water and Alec loosened and tightened his grip to give the illusion of clenching, trying to find just the right pace for Magnus and sticking to the one he found that made Magnus’ breath hitch. The longer it went on, the more Magnus trembled and Alec loved the feeling of him - even if his own cock was trapped in his trousers, aching for attention.

“I don’t care that we’re not alone, I want to hear you.. please” Alec sucked Magnus’ earlobe into his mouth and groaned himself as Magnus gasped and moaned. Letting his tongue trace the rim of Magnus’ ear, he let the sounds Magnus made and the pleasure of giving Magnus’ pleasure rush though him, increasing the speed of his strokes as he felt Magnus’ cock swell and twitch in his hand. Magnus not caring about being silent any more, moaned in desperation as he moved one hand over and dug his short nails into Alec’s arm.

“Fuck.. I’m gonna” Magnus gasped.

“No, wait” Alec stopped him and slowed his movements a little “I want it..”

Magnus entire body jerked as Alec pushed his own body down as far as it would go and crouched down uncomfortably and took a deep breath and hed it as he pushed his head under water. Unable to open his eyes because of the soap, Alec aimed for his hand and found Magnus cock, pressing his lips against the head and pushed down over it with his lips pressed firmly against the warm flesh to avoid getting as much water in his mouth as possible. Keeping just a little more than the head in his mouth, Alec massaged his tongue against it and sped up his strokes again - needing for it to happen quickly, knowing he wouldn’t be able to hold his breath like this for long.

It only took a few strokes before Magnus hips jerked and he started coming, filling up Alec’s mouth as he moaned loudly enough for Alec to hear it clearly even under water. Unable to swallow back, Alec let the bitter and salty taste fill his entire mouth and then pulled back and up quickly the second he thought he finished, breathing in hard though his nose before managing to swallowing back what Magnus had given him. The musky taste stayed in his mouth as he reached up and rubbed the water and soap out of his eyes and pushed his now wet hair back before he opened his eyes and looked at Magnus who looked dazed and amazed at the same time.

“Damn.. That's a first” Magnus said, breathing hard.

“I couldn't let it go to waste.. I love the taste of you” Alec said and shrugged his shoulders like it was nothing as a playful smile played on his lips.

“How do you do it? I swear I am hornier now than when you started” Magnus let his head drop back and Alec couldn’t help but feel a little proud that he could get Magnus to feel like he just had, and did.

“Well, I meant what I said earlier.. tonight, you and me - let's fuck till we pass out” Alec smiled, shivering as he pushed himself up standing - his knees hurting from how he had sat.

“Shut up or I’ll pass out right now” Magnus mumbled, not moving.

Alec just laughed as he got out and started pulling off his wet cloths, actually feeling warmer the less he had on. When he was fully naked, Alec looked down at his own painfully hard erection and tried to will it down as he reached for a towel to dry himself of, not having time to sort it out now. Hearing Magnus curse, Alec looked up to see that he was looking at him- liking the lust in Magnus’ eyes as they roamed over his naked body.

“We don’t have time” Alec smiled as he dried himself off, saying it to himself as much as he was saying it to Magnus.

“I don’t care, I need you right now” Magnus said, his tone a mix of a groan and a whimper.

“I know I said you can have me any time, but actually..” Alec gave an apologetic smile.

“I hate ‘but’” Magnus mumbled as he started to get out of the tub himself.

“No you don't.. you love MY butt” Alec laughed as he headed for the door, needing to find something else to wear.  
  


* * *

  
**MPV**

They had both got dressed, Magnus very much against his will and want - but he knew that they needed to get this sorted. Walking out of the room, Magnus headed down the stairs, feeling a little better now and let himself enjoy it as he knew that the darker thoughts would soon enough creep up on him again.

“DUDE! I was RIGHT here.. You could at least have TRIED to stay quiet” Jace was looking past Magnus and at Alec who was coming down the stairs behind Magnus “And you got new clothes on, man.. I don’t wanna know” Jace fake-shivered and leaned back on the couch, having taken Magnus spot from before.

“I’m not even sorry” Magnus heard Alec say behind him and couldn’t help but smile.

“You should be, damn it.. I thought you were gonna get him, not stay up there for almost an hour to fuck or something..” Jace crossed his arms over his chest and gave them both a sour look.

“And still, surprisingly.. I’m not. And we didn't fuck as you so nicely put it - if we were we would be up there a lot longer..” Alec said as he came up next to Magnus when they reached the floor, wrapping his arm around Magnus shoulders.

Magnus wasn’t shy about what they had done, he never would have been - but it was nice that Alec wasn’t either. He heard Jace mumble something like 'whatever' but ignored it. Turning his head, Magnus kissed Alec’s hand on his shoulder and walked with him over to the seating area and only pulled away as he sat down in one of the chairs.

Alec took the chair next to him and sat down as well.

Jace looked from Alec to Magnus and back at Alec again and took a deep breath and sat back up again and Magnus could tell by his body language alone that the mood was about to change quickly. Doing the opposite of Jace, Magnus leaned back in his chair and looked down, not liking that they had to get back to reality.

“OK, have you heard from Luke?” Alec’s tone had changed as well now.

“I asked him to stay behind with Clary and help her watch Izzy’s back, I can call and get him to come over” Jace said and when Magnus looked up at him, he had the same expression on his face that Alec would get when he talked about anything work related. The look that made them both look so much older than they were, like their souls were older than the bodies that carried them around.

“No, we can deal.. we have to find a solution to the problem with Raphael” Alec said and when Magnus turned his attention to him, Alec was looking back at him with an almost apologetic look on his face.

“Raphael? I know the problem with Raphael, but that can’t be our.. YOUR first priority? With everything that happened yesterday, with Simon?” Magnus’ voice almost cracked as he talked, having thought that him being part of this meeting was more Alec not wanting to leave him alone and not that they would talk about Raphael.

“Magnus” Alec reached out and grabbed his hand, acting like his sweet self but sounding 'all work' still “What happened yesterday and the problem with Raphael is one and the same”

Magnus pulled his hand back, frowning “No! It's not” Magnus protested “That's the police, what happened yesterday was the Morgensterns.”

“The cop you talked with, the one that Raphael kept talking to - he works for the Morgenstern family, there was never gonna be a case against Izzy and me.. they just recruited you without your knowledge” Alec’s tone was still kind of hard.

“No, I..” Magnus’ head hurt from trying to wrap his head around it. If that was the case, that meant that he had been to blame for the 'accident' he and Jace had been in and that was too much for him to handle now.

“The information you gave the cop didn’t help too much, only Simon was on the inside at that point and one other guy we flushed out a few weeks after the unsuccessful hit” Alec spoke but Magnus didn’t want to hear what he had to say “But the information Raphael could provide him, when he had Simon on the inside as well as the information he could get through you.. that was enough for them to pull off what happened yesterday.”

“But what does that mean? Raphael didn’t know..” Magnus felt so dizzy he had to grab the armrests of the chair to keep himself steady even though he was sitting.

“We don’t know that” Jace said and Magnus turned to look at him.

“Yes we do! Simon..” Magnus bit his lip to keep himself from crying, knowing he couldn’t break down now “Simon got killed! You don’t know Raphael like I do.. I talked with him and he straight up admitted that he talked to Alaric and he would have no problem admitting it if it was the Morgenstern family. Raphael might seem cold and distant to everyone else, but he will never lie if you ask him straight and he would never do anything that he himself though risked Simon's life.. He loves Simon, more than he cares for himself.. He’d die before he let anything happen to him.”

“At the end of the day Magnus, he still is the reason this happened” Alec spoke much softer again now and it freaked Magnus out.

“What are you saying? Am I only here so you can tell me you plan to kill him?” Magnus was almost shouting now, panicking.

“I have to do something” Alec’s tone was annoyingly calm.

“No!” Magnus stood up, feeling like he couldn’t even try to get his message across while sitting “Do something else, just.. don’t kill him”.

“He betrayed us” Alec tried to speak but Magnus wouldn’t let him- didn’t want his excuses.

“I betrayed you” Magnus’ heart was racing in his chest.

“That was different” Alec tried.

“No, it was EXACTLY the same.. I didn’t know and he didn’t know” Magnus held onto the chair, still feeling dizzy.

“The case was the same, kind of, just less devastating.. and I couldn’t do it, because it was you.. because I love you”

“And I love him” Magnus shouted the words at Alec, unable to not “He is my best friend, my brother.”

“Seventeen of our guys died” Jace started.

“Shut up” Magnus growled, not even looking at him.

“Hey” Jace started but shut up as Alec held up a finger, silencing him, and Jace leaned back again and let out a huff.

Alec cleared his throat and Magnus' eyes stayed locked on him “What do you suggest I do then?”

“I don’t know.. get back at those who actually did it. I don’t care if you burn them or drown them, nail them to the fucking wall for all I care.. just don’t go after Raphael, please” Magnus pleaded.

Alec rubbed the lower half of his face and scratched his jaw “I’m going to do that too, but what do you suggest I do with Raphael?”

“Send him away? If we find him I can send him to London - Ragnor can handle it, you’ll never see him again” Magnus didn’t know what to say.

“Send him to London? What kind of message does that send to people about what happen if they betray us? What does that tell my people about what I will let slide.. It will seem like I don't care about their lives”

“Tell them you killed him or something, he’ll never be back” Magnus was desperate.

“So you suggest that I lie to everyone who work for me?” Alec let out a sigh and Magnus couldn’t understand how he could be so damn calm.

Magnus was about to answer when the door to his flat was slammed open, the door crashing hard into the wall which made them all jump.

Turning to look where the noise came from, Magnus saw Raphael walk into the room - or what had once been Raphael. He looked drained, with pale skin and bloodshot eyes as he crossed the floor without saying anything.

“Raphael?” Magnus was so surprised he didn’t really react.

“Shit” It came from Jace behind him as Alec got up quickly, moving over to Magnus.

“Raphael? What are you..” Magnus started as Raphael lifted his hand, holding a gun and aiming it straight at Alec.

“Don’t” Jace snapped from behind them and Magnus turned to see him point a gun straight back at Raphael.

“You don’t want to do this” Alec said, his voice almost comically calm for the situation as he lifted his hands until they were levelled with his chest.

“It’s your fault” Raphael’s voice was shaking.

“Raphael” Magnus tried to take a step towards him but stopped when Raphael pointed the gun at him instead. When Magnus stopped, Raphael pointed it back at Alec again, his lips trembling as he seemed to try to keep himself calm.

“Alec?” Jace’s voice was also steady and calm.

“Don’t shoot him” Magnus said, aiming it at both Raphael and Jace.

“It’s his fault.. he deserves to die” Raphael didn’t sound like himself at all and his hands were far from steady and he gripped the gun with both hands.

“It’s not his fault Raphael, it was..” Magnus started.

“SHUT UP” Raphael shouted, tears running down his face as he changed the grip on the gun.

“You deserve to die” Raphael almost whispered as he looked straight at Alec with such intensities in his eyes that Magnus doubted he saw anything but him.

“You.. deserve.. to” Raphael said and before Magnus knew what was going on, the exploding sound of gunshots screamed in his ears as Raphael collapsed on the floor in front of them. The sound echoing off the walls made Magnus disorientated and he reached up to his ears as he looked at Raphael who lay motionless on the floor.

“Oh my God.. Oh god, fuck.. Raphael?” Magnus gasped and took a step forward, almost falling over as he did. His mind was blanking out, refusing him any train of thought that would allow him to take in what had happened. Gasping for air again, Magnus held back the urge to throw up, shaking as he turned to look at Jace.

“You..” Magnus started but froze when he saw Alec standing completely still, one hand up by his chest and two circles of red grew out on the grey t-shirt he was wearing- his eyes filled with shock and pain as they locked with Magnus'.

Stumbling, Alec grabbed a hold of Magnus’ shoulder but didn’t manage to hold on and fell forward, crashing his knees against the floor before falling over onto the floor.

“No, no, no” Magnus got down on the floor and pulled hard at Alec until he managed to get him over onto his back.

“Put pressure on it” Magnus heard Jace shout from somewhere before he heard something that sounded like a 911 call. Magnus reached out to the wound furthest down on his chest and pressed his hand hard down over it, feeling his heart beating painfully quick in his own chest as Alec gasped, his eyes staying wide open but not really focusing.

“Please, Alexander.. don’t do this” Magnus pleaded, not managing to make sense of it.

Jace was back and on other side of Alec- pushing his hands away as he pulled out a knife from the kitchen and with a few quick movements cut the t-shirt open from the bottom to the top and pulled it open. Revealing one bullet hole in his chest and one almost up by his shoulders - both pumping out blood. Jace cursed and pulled off his tank top and folded it over and lay it over his chest and pressed down hard over each wound, trying to stop the as much of the bleeding as possible. Reaching up to his face, Magnus’ hands were shaking and tears stung in his eyes as his touch left trails of blood around his face.

“Come on Alec, look at Magnus.. hey, buddy.. stay with us” Jace spoke but it all sounded like it was so far away. Magnus held Alec head and tried to meet his eyes, unable to separate all the feelings that rushed through him.

“Hey, Alexander.. look at me” Magnus tried to push some of his hair back, tried to get through to him “please, sweetie..” Magnus choked on the words as Alec let out several strange sounds and his entire body twitched, blood running down the side of his mouth. “No, please.. don’t leave me.. please just look at me” Magnus cried trying to tip his head a little back in hopes that it would clear his airways.

"Come on mate, It's just one lung.. you can breath with the other, yeah?" Jace sounded desperate too- making it so much clearer that this was really bad. "Hey.. Alec, what's your family motto huh? that bit about dying well.. this isn't it, you can do better.. come. on. Alec."

Magnus tasted his own tears as he watched him, the way he struggled and fought to keep on breathing without it being anything Magnus could do to help. Alec's eyes were losing further focus and Magnus struggled to breath himself as he watched him, needing for him to breath. "Please, Munchkin.. don't give up.. I need you, you know that.. I love you so much"

“Mm..Ma..” Alec choked and Magnus nodded and reached down to find his hand, grabbing it and holding it tightly, getting no reaction from Alec.

“I’m here, I’m not going anywhere..” Magnus started just as Alec’s eyes went blank and his desperate tries to breath faded into small gulps.

“No.. Alexander, no.. please ” Magnus shouted, not having noticed that someone else were there until Jace grabbed a hold of him and pulled him away from Alec. Alec’s hand slipping out of his as he was dragged away from him and across the floor.

“Let them do their job” Jace said and held onto Magnus as he tried to get away, tried to force his way out of the grip and over to Alec who was now surrounded by several people. Magnus couldn’t think, just needed to get to Alec, to hold him and kiss him and have him back but he couldn’t get out of the hold Jace had on him- so he just collapsed forward, sobbing. Every inch of his body screaming with pain as he watched the guys shove something down Alec’s throat before lifting him onto a stretcher to take him away.

“Don’t.. don’t take him from me” Magnus cried as he watched them roll Alec away.


	17. Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Explaining:**  
>  MPV = Magnus' Point of View  
> APV = Alec's Point of View  
> —— = Time jump  
> Cattle die, kindred die,  
> Every man is mortal:  
> But the good name never dies  
> Of one who has done well.
> 
> * * *

**MPV**

Days had turned into a week and it still all felt like a bad dream. Magnus had thought he would wake up, had been so sure, and still he didn’t and the agony of what his life now was kept on burning under his skin. Standing and looking at the dark hole in the ground, Magnus could feel the light September rain against his skin- not enough to run traces down his face, just enough for it to feel wet. Magnus was the only one there now and the daylight was almost completely gone, the night creeping up on him as he just stood there feeling empty, cold and alone. The cold breeze was making him shiver and still he couldn’t move, his eyes fixed on the white box that looked so small all those feet down - it looked too small.

“Magnus?”

Magnus didn’t react, just closed his eyes slowly and bit back tears, not wanting to break down again.

“Magnus, it’s getting late” Jace’s voice almost disappeared in the cold afternoon.

“It’s too small” Magnus whispered.

“What?” Jace came up behind him and Magnus opened his eyes again as he felt Jace hand on his shoulder.

“The coffin, it's too small.. he won’t be comfortable” Magnus sobbed, his chest hurting.

“Magnus” Jace’s voice was softer “It’s OK, he will be OK” Jace said and pulled him into a hug.

Grabbing onto Jace, Magnus buried his face against his shoulder, feeling the rain gathered as a thin layer on his jacket smear against his face.

“He won’t be, he is all alone” Magnus gasped, feeling like he couldn’t breathe as his legs gave in, his hands unable to hold onto Jace as he sank to his knees.

Jace quickly kneeled down, sitting back on his heels like Alec had used to do.

“We have to go, we can’t stay here all night.. you’ll get sick” Jace’s hand was back on his shoulder as Magnus’ touched the wet grass, digging his fingers into the ground- finding it cold and uninviting and the thought being buried under it made his entire body shiver.

“I don’t care” Magnus sobbed, unable to look over the edge into the gaping hole that stood out like a sore in the earth.

“Well, I care and I say you have to come” Jace’s voice was a little more firm, but Magnus couldn’t find it in himself to look up- just stared down at the muddy grass.

“Magnus!” Jace went on.

Magnus didn’t answer, couldn’t find the words.

“If you get sick, you can’t stay at the hospital and what if Alec wakes up and you’re not there, huh?” Jace was trying to reason with him.

If Magnus had eaten anything he would have thrown up, but there was nothing he could empty himself of.

“Why are you here?” Magnus sobbed, looking up, wanting to be angry with Jace for what he took from him “You killed him” He cried and pushed hard at Jace, watching as he tipped backwards and fell. Jace caught himself but didn’t react more than that, just sat back on the ground and looked at him. “YOU KILLED HIM!” Magnus shouted and leaned down, pressing his forehead against the grass.

“Magnus” Jace started.

Magnus couldn’t see him but he could hear that he wasn’t moving.

“Stop saying my name” Magnus whimpered.

“I had no choice, you know that”

Magnus shook his head, an icy feeling spread through him from where his knees, hands and forehead met the ground.

“He was so alone, he was so scared.. if I had only talked to him, if I went back.. I should have looked for him when Simon died” Magnus spoke into the ground, feeling the rain getting heavier against the back of his neck.

“I’m sorry” Jace still spoke softly.

“I should have taken care of him, he was like my baby brother and I let him be all alone” Magnus lifted his eyes and looked at Jace though his own tear-filled ones.

“You can’t blame yourself” Jace was pushing himself back off the ground again.

“No one came, I was the only one here.. He had no one, no one but Simon and me and when he lost Simon.. I let him down. I could have stopped him, he wouldn’t have needed to die.. Alec wouldn’t have needed to..” Magnus couldn’t say the words, couldn’t even think of what might still happen.

“Come on Magnus, let get you home.. you can take a shower and I’ll drive you back to the hospital” Jace was over by him again and grabbed a firm hold of him under his arms and pulled him up off the ground.

Magnus didn’t answer, couldn’t find any words and instead just let Jace pull him back onto his feet.

“We have to get back before it gets too late so Alec won’t have to sleep alone, so come on” Jace was steadying him with his own body as he started to walk him away from the hole that had swallowed Raphael “Alec could wake up any moment and we’d want to be there wouldn’t we?” Jace was talking to him like a child, but it actually helped - a little.

Stumbling, Magnus tried to move, his legs still a little unwilling to carry him - but they made their way over to a car that stood waiting for them.

  
———

  
Three days had passed since Raphael’s funeral, five since Simon’s. Magnus couldn’t think too much about it, the reminder of how alone he was in the world with them two gone was too much for him to carry now. Turning his head, Magnus looked over at Alec, laying still in the white hospital bed - he looked so peaceful, too peaceful for comfort. He was breathing on his own finally and having the tube that had been down his throat removed had done Magnus more good than he had thought it would.

There was still a big tube sticking out from the side of his chest, draining the air that was trapped outside the lung that had been punctured when Alec got shot. The tubes and cords connected to him were all still there as well and Magnus had to remind himself that they were there to help, had to remind himself that the needles that were buried in his perfect skin were there to give him nutrition, painkillers and other vital things he needed now.

Magnus only left to eat and use the bathroom and twice for a funerals which meant he had also showered just twice since Alec had been placed in the hospital bed. Clary and Jace had talked the hospital into letting him stay in a spare bed in the room. He wasn’t sure how they had convinced them, if it was something they would normally accept or if Clary and Jace had been their convincing self in other ways.

“Magnus?”

Magnus was snapped out of his thoughts and looked up, seeing Izzy walk into the room. The usually so ‘done-up’ Lightwood sister looked a lot paler than she usually did. She had no makeup on and her hair was tied back in a tight ponytail. She was still dressed impressively well, but Magnus figured that was more because she probably didn’t own anything that wasn’t fabulous.

“Hi Izzy” Magnus said and pushed himself up sitting in the bed that he had pushed next to Alec’s so he could stay close.

“Anything?” Izzy looked so devastated, and Magnus felt horrible once again for sometimes forgetting that he wasn’t the only one that was struggling with this.

Magnus shook his head and turned to look at Alec over his shoulder.

“I thought he moved earlier, but I think maybe it was just a muscles cramp” Magnus said and turned his attention to Izzy again as she walked over to him and climbed up onto the bed with him, sitting down and reaching out, resting her hand over Alec’s leg over the covers.

“He hates hospitals” Izzy’s eyes were fixed on Alec’s face.

Magnus didn’t say anything, the subject of hospitals had never really come up in any conversations they had had.

“He spent almost a month here, in this exact hospital” Izzy went on, her hand gently running up and down Alec’s leg under his knee. “I didn’t think I would be here again, it feels exactly the same” Izzy took a deep breath, a tear rolling down her cheek which she reached up and wiped away with her free hand. “I don’t think I can do this again” Izzy’s voice was shaking.

Magnus reached out and grabbed her hand when she lowered it from her face. He hadn’t really spent much time with her, it hadn’t made sense after everything that had happened with the accident and he had just figured she didn’t like him much - but being with her, sharing her pain made Magnus feel a lot closer to her.

“He can’t die too.. I can’t lose them both” Izzy looked down, tears running down her face steadily now as she cried silently.

“Both?” Magnus’ mind wouldn’t catch up.

“Yeah.. Max” Izzy exhaled through her mouth and looked up and meet his eyes “He died here, not in this room.. but in this hospital, he was just nine”. There were something in her eyes when she spoke about him, the same thing that would show in her eyes when she talked about Alec lately.

“I’m sorry, I knew you had a younger brother, but Alec has never talked about him” Magnus felt bad, he knew they Lightwood siblings had once been three but because Alec never spoke about him, it had been too easy to let it escape his mind.

“He wouldn’t” Izzy spoke softly “He never spoke of him after he died, not even to me” Izzy squeezed Magnus’ hand. “He loved him too much and it hurt him too much to talk about” Izzy said and looked back at Alec.

“Was he..” Magnus didn’t know how to ask, not sure Izzy would want to even say “ill?”

Izzy shook her head.

“The Morgenstern family, they took him.. I don’t know what they did, I don’t know how long they had him.. I can’t remember or I won’t, but by the time we managed to get him back” Izzy took another deep breath “.. The doctors tried for weeks, but it was too late”.

Magnus felt his stomach turn and his entire body shivered with disgust and shock. The idea of taking a child and do God knows what to it just because of the family it was born into- or for any reason at all really, it made him lose faith in humanity.

“That's why Alec went to prison.. Mom would have objected, even her- but he didn’t ask, you know, he just acted” Izzy’s hand moved down to Alec’s foot, rubbing her thumb under the sole of his foot. “He was just a kid himself but he was filled with hate and he burned with it, you know him.. he never just feel something, he loves and hates with this fierce intensity..”

Magnus was just listening, letting her speak even if it hurt - but it was also nice to hear someone talk about Alec who actually knew him, who knew him as well as or better than he himself did.

“He and Jace, they have always been this power duo.. They are twins of different mothers.. They went across the water and they burned it down, I don’t think they felt fear- they set it all on fire, anything that we knew was connected to the Morgensterns.. but Alec, he was too angry” Izzy’s face dropped “He wouldn’t have done it if he wasn’t.. but he killed Valentine’s wife” Izzy paused “Valentine’s pregnant wife.. I guess it caught up with him, because when he was caught just a few hours later as he shot one of Valentine’s guys, he refused help. We could have got him off easy, but he wanted to be punished.. I don’t believe that it was because of that nameless Morgenstern minion, it must have been because of her and the baby”

Magnus turned and looked at Alec. He knew he should feel disgusted about what he had done, about how many he must have killed - Magnus himself remembered what Izzy was talking about, the city had been at war for a few weeks after parts of the city had indeed burned, but he had never known why. Magnus didn’t feel disgusted though, he couldn’t feel it, he instead felt a strange sense of pride and relief in knowing that Alec had acted and how he had reacted when he had crossed the line.

“The Angel” Izzy’s voice sounded deeper.

Magnus turned to look back at her.

“The Angel of Light.. that's what he is known as, in full” Izzy shifted closer to Magnus and Magnus moved his legs to let her, let her rest her head against his shoulder. “It’s a reference to the devil with a play on him lighting up the city in fire and probably our name, but to me.. he just brings light when everything feels dark, you know”

Magnus nodded, knowing exactly what she meant and he needed it so bad now, needed him to come back to light up his life again.

“He also has the face of an angel” Magnus said and a small smile actually made it’s way to his lips.

Izzy let out a huff which almost sounded like a chuckle “You are so smitten”.

“I’m a smitten kitten” Magnus agreed and rested his head against Izzy’s, both of them just looking at Alec who lay there breathing slowly.

“He’ll be OK, right?” Izzy sounded small when she spoke again.

“He has to be” Magnus answered, his chest and stomach aching like it was trying to no warn him of what could be false hope. “He has to be” Magnus whispered, refusing to give up.

  
———

  
Days passed and now Izzy would usually come by and stay the night as well. She had been hurt in the attack by the Morgenstern family but when she was cleared and they said she had no infections and were safe to stay around Alec who was at high risk of getting one, she only left when she had to herself. Magnus didn’t mind her sleeping there and they both stayed in the narrow bed next to Alec’s every night- Izzy had to work though and would force herself to leave in the mornings and return late. Magnus didn’t, he had called in Tess who had come up and was running their operations in the city now, which she did brilliantly so Magnus didn’t have to worry.

Waking up, Magnus wasn’t surprised to find Izzy had already left and also wasn’t surprised that when he looked at Alec, he saw him still just laying there quietly.

“OK, so it’s not that funny but I am running out of jokes” Magnus heard Jace and pushed up a little and saw Jace sitting in a chair next to Alec’s bed on the other side.

“Wait.. I have one. Do you know why Star Wars episode 4, 5, and 6 came before 1, 2 and 3?” Jace looked at Alec like he was expecting him to answer “Because in charge of scheduling, Yoda was”.

Magnus rolled his eyes as Jace gave Alec an expression like he was waiting for him to laughed.

“It would have been funnier if you had seen the films, I admit, but we can watch them when you wake up and then you’ll find it funny, I swear”

Magnus felt a little ache in his chest at how Jace was talking to Alec, like he was awake and like he was replying.

“Good morning, Jace” Magnus said and Jace turned to look at him, he looked tired too, probably not having slept much. He had been taking on a lot of work since what happened to Alec Izzy had said, like he was trying to carry Alec though it.

“Morning” Jace smiled. “Got any like that? I am running out”

Magnus blinked slowly, never having been one for jokes and riddles.

“Erm, OK..” Magnus pulled the pillow up under his arm and looked at both Jace and Alec “What do you get if you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac and an agnostic?”

Magnus looked at Jace who looked at Alec for a long moment before looking back at Magnus and shook his head “What?”

“Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog” Magnus smiled.

Jace chuckled and returned the smile.

“OK, OK..What is the resemblance between a red apple and a green apple?” Jace looked at Magnus and he had one of those playful grins on his face.

“Eh” Magnus tried to think “Well, they are both apples”

Jace shook his head “That's not what I’m looking for”.

“OK, so the shape?” Magnus was trying to use the logic part of his brain even though he just woke up.

“Nope” Jace smiled.

“Fine, what?”

“They are both red, except the green one” Jace flashed him a wide grin.

“Oh fuck you, that's a bullshit answer” Magnus chuckled.

“Still counts” Jace started but stopped as Alec’s body suddenly twitched.

“Alexander?” Magnus pushed himself up and moved over to grab a hold of his hand, Jace was up and stood holding Alec’s other on the other side.

“Alec?”

Alec’s body twitched again, the muscles in his body contacting in a way that made it feel like he was trying to hold onto Magnus’ hand.

“Alexander, sweetie?” Magnus tried, sitting on his knees.

Alec gasped before his body started twitching almost violently, the heart monitor on the side going crazy, screaming as Alec shook.

“DOCTOR!!” Magnus could hear Jace scream as he ran away from them and to the door.

Magnus got up and got in the small gap between the two beds as he reached up and pressed his hand against his shoulder in hopes that he wouldn’t hurt himself with how he shook. Biting his lip hard he tried to hold back tears as his body ached off the bed and all of his muscles tensed. Alec’s body stopped shaking and he gasped again before collapsing back against the bed- the heart monitor went from crazy to a sudden stop- the uninterrupted beep cutting into Magnus’ ears.

“JAAACE!” Magnus screamed but before he got an answer the bed behind him was pulled back as well as he himself. Stumbling back he stopped and saw the doctors and nurses around Alec’s bed pulling off the covers and exposing his bruised chest.

“You can’t be in here” A woman’s voice broke through the chaos in his head and in the room.

Magnus just stared at Alec, the sound of his heart not beating in his chest was like torture.

“Sir” Magnus was pushed back and towards the door.

Outside the door was slammed in his face and Magnus turned and leaned against the wall next to the door and sank down on the floor, wrapping his arms around his knees as the fear grabbed a hold of him again. Jace was pacing back and forth in front of him and Magnus leaned his head forward and rested it against his knees as he prayed to all and any God that would listen, pleading as he listened to the voices inside the room.

“Clear!” Magnus heard and then held his breath, knowing what it meant.

It was like he couldn’t feel anything, like he was empty and everything he was supposed to feel had already been drained from him in the last few days.

“Clear!” He heard again from inside the room.

Keeping his eyes closed, Magnus didn’t even notice that he was crying until he felt the tears soak through his trousers to his knee.

It was silent.

Magnus tried to breath, waiting for the next ‘clear’.

Silence.

The Silence was deafening and Magnus shook, his chest hurting, his head hurting, his arms and legs hurting- everything hurting.

The longer it was silent, the worse Magnus felt and the emptiness that was threatening to consume him spread like a wave of freezing water through his veins.

Jace was still pacing but spun around and almost ran over to the door when it was opened.

Getting back onto his feet, Magnus looked at the doctor and tried to read the expression on her face, every second that passed feeling like days and years.

“What? say something!” Jace shouted and Magnus wanted to join in.

“He is stable again” The female doctor said, clearly used to people reacting like both Jace and Magnus did.

Breathing in hard, Magnus’ head dropped and he couldn’t stop the tears as the relief filled him. Reaching up to cover his face, Magnus’ tried to block out everything he had feared would happen and every image of what could have met him if that had been the case.

“We lost him for a few seconds, but he pulled though.. He is a real fighter” the doctor said and Magnus nodded without lifting his head.

“The best one” Jace added and Magnus let himself be pulled into a hug, knowing that Jace needed comforting as well. Magnus lowered his hands and looked up to see Jace’s tightly shut eyes and wrapped his arms around him too and gave him a tight hug.

  
———

  
Magnus and Jace had been let into the room 15 minutes later, the doctors having decided to run some test or something. Jace had used the time to go down to the cafeteria and get them both some sandwiches and energy bars. When they had got back into the room again, Alec was back laying still and looking as peaceful as ever, only a thin layer of sweat covering his forehead and under his eyes proving that anything at all had happened. Having pushed the bed back next to Alec’s, Magnus sat with his legs crossed while he ate the rather dry ham and cheese sandwich while looking at Alec.

Jace had left the room to make a few calls, Magnus hadn’t asked what it was about and didn’t think he cared.

“I know it has only been a little over a week” Magnus spoke, talking to Alec. “It hurts to see you like this, but I’m so proud of you for fighting, for not giving up” Magnus put his half eaten sandwich on the plastic plate next to him, shifting a little over to be able to reach up and brush some of Alec’s hair back.

“It feels like you’ve been gone for so long and.. I need you to come back, sweetie” Magnus gently ran his hand down his cheek, feeling his warm skin burn against his own. “When I first saw you, that very first time..” Magnus smiled, thinking back and almost finding it funny in a twisted way how they had found each other “I thought you were this hot little thing I could entertain myself with. I guess I had closed myself off and the idea of it being something else didn’t occur to me until you had left.. and it just felt like I had missed out”

Alec was breathing slowly and steady, the heart monitor in the background beeping low with each heartbeat.

“But I didn’t.. because I weren’t meant to, because I was put on this earth to love you, it’s my purpose” Magnus looked for any sign of Alec reacting, but there wasn’t so much as a delay in the beeps from the heart monitor. “So, you have to wake up.. you have to come back to me or my life won’t have any meaning any more” Magnus felt the growing stubbles on his face tickle his fingertips, thinking he should probably shave him, knowing Alec never liked it when he got too much facial hair.

There was a sound at the door and Magnus turned around to see Izzy lean against the frame, Clary standing right behind her, resting her chin against Izzy’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry, we didn’t mean to interrupt” Izzy smiled. She still looked tired, still worn like she hadn’t slept for days and the only reason Magnus knew she had been was because she slept there with them.

“It’s OK” Magnus said and let out a sigh, looking back at Alec again.

“You really do love him, don’t you?” Izzy spoke as both her and Clary walked into the room.

“With every fibre of my beating heart” Magnus replied, not taking his eyes off Alec.

Magnus searched Alec’s face, hoping to see something, even just the movements of his eyes moving under the eyelids.

“I miss his eyes” Magnus gently brushed one finger over the long lashes of one of Alec’s closed eyes.

“He does have beautiful eyes” Clary spoke and Magnus nodded and looked at them. Izzy had sat down in the chair Jace had sat in earlier and Clary sat in one next to her, holding one of Izzy’s hands with both of her own.

“It’s the way he looks at you” Magnus tried to picture his eyes in his mind “when he is happy and he looks at you, you just FEEL it.. deep in your soul”.

Clary smiled, it was a tired but warm smile “I think maybe that's how he looks at YOU, I don’t think everyone can relate to that”.

Turning his attention back to Alec, Magnus smiled “You are missing out..”

“I have my own Lightwood for that” Clary said and Magnus looked at her, a little surprised as he looked from Clary to Izzy.

“I thought.. you and Jace?” Magnus started, also then wondering where Jace had run off to.

“We are” Clary nodded.

“Oh, OK.. I just thought you meant that you and Izzy” Magnus chuckled.

“We are” Izzy said and Magnus could tell that she gave Clary’s hand a gentle squeeze.

“Oh” Magnus paused, trying to process what he had been told “So you three then?”

“No” Izzy shook her head “Jace and me don’t, we just.. share”

Magnus was actually a little intrigued.

“And that works? No jealousy?”

Izzy shook her head “No, Jace can give Clary things I can’t and I can give her things he can’t.. we are both very comfortable with that”.

“And I am always comfortable” Clary said and gave a bright smile.

Magnus shook his head as Izzy slapped Clary’s shoulder playfully, finding it amusing that she reacted just like Alec did when he would tease him. Thinking of it stung and Magnus looked back at Alec, wishing he would wake up even if it was only to do just that, slap his shoulder and laugh or blush.

“Where did Jace go?” Magnus asked, remembering him again.

“He is covering for me” Izzy replied “I was actually thinking I would come by and relax, I can’t do it at home”

Magnus nodded, understanding her completely.

“OK baby, I will see you later then” Magnus could hear Clary speak before he heard the sound of her chair being pushed back as she got up.

“Come by and pick me up later?” Izzy asked and Clary replied she would before Magnus heard the familiar sound of a kiss.

“We can swap, you can get the bed so you can relax” Magnus said and glanced over at them.

“No, stay.. I don’t want to sleep alone” Izzy said and something about her reminded Magnus so much of Alec it physically hurt.

“I wasn’t planning on leaving the room” Magnus smiled.

“Don’t leave the bed, I don’t want to sleep alone” Izzy replied, sounding a little firmer and a little different from Alec again.

Magnus looked from Izzy to Clary.

“Don’t look shocked, Izzy isn’t exclusive to me” Clary winked.

“What?” Magnus felt suddenly very uncomfortable “I am very much exclusive to Alexander though”

Izzy rolled her eyes “I am not hitting on you, I’ve slept next to you for days.. I just don’t want to be alone and you are as sexy as a teddy bear to me”.

Magnus let out a relieved sigh “Oh thank God”.

Clary was laughing, and the unfamiliar sound of laughter in the room echoed off the walls.

“I’ve never been happier about being found unattractive in my entire life” Magnus said and smiled to himself as Clary blew them both a kiss before leaving.

“And had I not just said you were just that, the fact that you were glad about it would have been such an insult” Izzy said as she made her way over to the bed and climbed in, pushing the plate down to the foot of the bed before laying down, hugging the pillow close.

  
———

  
Magnus wasn’t sure when he had fallen asleep, but when he woke up the room was very dimly lit and he could see from the bed that it was dark outside. Laying on his back, he looked up at the ceiling, Izzy having thrown her arm around his waist in her sleep and was still sleeping soundly next to him, breathing slowly. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, Magnus let out a small sound of frustration over having woken up in the middle of the night. It didn’t really matter as he only stayed here anyway, but it meant that if he wanted breakfast- that breakfast would be whatever they had in the vending machine out in the hall.

“Have you moved on to my sister?”

Magnus froze when it felt like his heart did, all the air in the room seeming too thin. A second later it felt like everything came rushing back and he pushed up quickly and turned around, praying he hadn’t heard things. When he did he saw Alec sitting.. sitting and with his eyes open, looking at him.

“Oh my God” Magnus pressed his hand against his own chest like he was checking if his own heart was still beating.

“You look really rough” Alec’s voice sounded a little worn, but it was still beautiful.

“Are you.. are” Magnus’ breathing speeded up and it was getting hard to breath “Are you really? I’m not dreaming?”

Alec only smiled, looking a little drowsy but awake.

Scrambling to get up, Magnus pushed up and out of the bed and stood next to Alec, still scared it wasn’t actually real and his brain was just playing a cruel trick on him. Reaching out, Magnus touched Alec’s face and when Alec leaned against his touch, everything Magnus had been feeling crashed down on him as he half climbed onto Alec’s bed and wrapped his arms around his neck and hugged him, sobbing.

“Ouch, shot.. remember” Alec whimpered and Magnus quickly pulled back, one leg on the bed and one on the floor.

“I’m sorry.. I’m so..” Magnus held his face and leaned in, kissing him and shaking as he felt Alec kiss him back, still scared it was all just a dream and also scared he would actually pass out if it wasn’t.

“I thought I had lo.. lost you” Magnus stuttered against his lips, not managing to stop crying.

“I’m right here” Alec replied as Magnus leaned his forehead against Alec’s- closing his eyes.

“Oh my God, you are.. you here again, you are really here” Magnus sniffed.

Magnus breath was hitching in his chest, making it hard for him to breath properly. Alec reached up with one hand and stroke his cheek making Magnus sob again, unable to actually take in what was going on because of the overwhelming feeling of relief and gratitude of having Alec back.

“We have to wake Izzy, I have to call the doctors.. Oh my god, Jace and..” Magnus pulled a little back.

“Wait” Alec grabbed a hold of his hand, his grip wasn’t strong but it was enough for Magnus to stop “before you do all of that..”

Magnus looked at him though his own tear filled eyes, waiting for Alec to keep talking “Yeah?”

“I just wanted to say thank you” Alec spoke gently and his eyes were so clear even if he looked dazed.

“You don’t have to thank me for anything” Magnus replied, fitting the urge to kiss him again.

“I do.. it was scary, like I was here but not really” Alec gave a small smile “but I felt you, I knew you were here and that I wasn’t alone.. so, thank you”

Leaning back in, Magnus left a small kiss on Alec’s lips “I am always here, I always will be.. you’ll never be alone”.

“Always?” Alec sounded almost hopeful.

“Always” Magnus nodded and knew that he never would be able to leave him, ever.

Alec reached up and ran his hand over his own chest, clearly still in pain.

“I’ll wake the Izzy and get the doctor, don’t sleep.. just, wait” Magnus was scared of even turning around, scared that it wasn’t real.

“Ok” Alec gave a pained smile.

“I love you” Magnus paused “So much”

“I know” Alec smiled and Magnus couldn’t help but return it.

“I love you too” Alec added, blinking slowly as Magnus turned around to wake Izzy - feeling whole again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
> **WHAT? YOU CALL THAT EN ENDING**  
>  This is indeed the last chapter, but I have decided to leave it like this - in case I decide to do a part two of this one.  
> For you who don't want a part two, you can imagine the rest of their lives from here on out. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who has read this story and a massive thank you to everyone who has left comments along the way. Because I post as I write, I actually do change things and sub-plots based on feedback.. and also, I've notice massive plot holes because of questions I've gotten.. so thank you from the bottom of my heart. Its also just nice and you've all brightened my day with comments made in frustration and joy or even disappointment. It's pretty awesome to know that someone care enough to get emotionally invested! 
> 
> Thank you <3 
> 
> [Follow me on Twitter (@BBMonarch)](https://twitter.com/BBMonarch)  
> Give me a heads up if you want a part 2..  
> 
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Drawing By:[@MundaneLion](https://twitter.com/MundaneLion)**   
>    
> 
> 
> * * *
> 
> **Drawing By:[@b00kbound](https://twitter.com/b00kbound)**   
>    
> 
> 
> * * *
> 
> **By:[@Quite_Magical](https://twitter.com/Quite_Magical)**  
>   
>  Thank you SO much for these..  
> 


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